[Youth Training Instructor] Comments from the ancient ship monk:
Summary of the main plot:
Lin Yu was ordered to go to Aolin Villa to marry Liu Ziqing. On the way, he met Leng Ye, the best killer in the world, and killed him. When he was alone with Liu Ziqing in Aolin Mountain, he met a peach blossom thief, and then lived in the south of the Yangtze River and was targeted by the Demon Sect of the Western Regions.
He asked to join, but he refused and fled. Then he learned that Aolin Villa was inviting heroes from the world for a happy occasion. The heroes who were invited were all killed and then went to the No. 1 Village in the World.
Main questions and suggestions:
Main line. The main line of this work is not clear, and it is almost impossible to see the author's writing ideas clearly. Everything is passive. What the readers would rather see is what the protagonist takes the initiative to do, what the protagonist's goal is, and then follow the protagonist's perspective.
Achieve the protagonist's goal. The protagonist is inexplicably targeted by the first killer at the beginning, and then by the flower picking thief, and then by the demon sect. However, the protagonist just takes matters into consideration, kills the killer and the flower picking thief, and escapes from the demon sect's minions.
, without any idea of "what am I going to do?" It is recommended to establish the protagonist's goal, so that it can easily highlight the main line of the story.
The plot jumps. I was still in Aolin Villa when I met the Peach Blossom Thief, and suddenly I was living in the south of the Yangtze River. A month has passed since I escaped from the Demon Sect's pursuit. I didn't see the plot of the two getting married. In other words, I was lonely.
No matter how you look at it, it is unreasonable for a man and a widowed woman to wander around the world. It is recommended that the author make an outline, analyze its feasibility in detail, then conceive a short plot, and finally write it.
The writing style is unstable. The writing style of the work is a bit mixed. It was okay at the beginning, with a rather ancient feel, but in the third chapter, "I am old, I am old, I am not as energetic as you young people, I can only be okay and enjoy the tea."
, read books or something." "You must be like Senior Brother Qi, someone who is handsome and has very high martial arts skills." This modern feeling feels quite inconsistent when mixed with the ancient style. It is recommended to unify the style.
Emotional setting. Gratitude and resentment are important elements in the world, and love is one of them. At the beginning of the chapter, the protagonist showed his obsession with Meng'er, and after a few chapters, he miraculously became almost a couple with Liu Ziqing.
Liu Ziqing's life is the same. When she first appeared, she said she wanted to marry a handsome man instead of a dull boy, but she also became well-behaved after a few chapters. Love is an important element of martial arts. I hope the author will not be so perfunctory, but increase the intensity of description.
Small details. "At this time, Lin Yu thought of the Song Dynasty poet Yan Jidao's "Partridge Sky." This is a grammatical error, "revealing a less obvious flaw." This is superfluous, "revealing a non-obvious flaw."
That's great. I suggest the author pay attention to it when writing.
Work packaging and other analysis:
The title and introduction of the work. The title of the book is quite satisfactory, and the introduction is very literary and artistic. However, the second half of the introduction is meaningless, at least it is not very appropriate to the story. It is recommended that the author revise it.
The writing style is quite smooth, and the ancient style feels good. I recommend the author to continue to maintain it.
Summary and suggestions:
The writing is smooth and full of ancient style, but the main line is not clear, the plot jumps a lot, the writing style is not very stable, the emotional description is slightly insufficient, and some other small details. The author can read some novels by Gu Long and Jin Yong to learn from them.
It's a little bit, I believe it will be greatly improved.
Kind tips:
Insisting on stable updates is the first step to success. Code more words, save more manuscripts, communicate more with readers, and read more works of the same type on this website that have relatively good results when you have time. Learn to read in other people's works.
There must be a reason why your work can achieve good results. Constantly enrich yourself, write more and read more, which will definitely help your writing. 2. If you don’t understand anything about the content of the review or are concerned about it.
If you have other ideas about the work, you can leave a message in the book review area or communicate with the review instructor in the follow-up post of the review instructor in the Youth Training Camp section of the forum. The instructor will reply within 24 hours. 3. If you have any questions about the review and follow-up
If you are not satisfied with the content or the instructor's comments and follow-up exceed 24 hours, you can make a complaint. Complaint**: 2273318965 The above are only personal opinions and suggestions, for the author's reference only. Success depends on persistence, and you need to work hard to write words.!--
----------[Youth Training Instructor] Ancient Ship Monk 2013-9-15