Mu Yuxiu: I just want to be number one in your heart【1】
Chi Beizhe was very efficient. He negotiated everything with the hospital in the United States the next afternoon and sent Wen Wan there.
Although Bai Qingnian and Chen Baimo, the medical staff in the United States, could not help much, I still asked Chi Beizhe to send a few close associates from Hengyuan Hospital there.
Before leaving, Sheng Qizhou and I went to see Wen Wan in the ward. She made it clear that she didn't want anyone to follow us except the medical staff.
I rushed forward and wanted to ask her what she meant and why I was considered an idler, but Sheng Qizhou stopped me. Before I could speak, he agreed to Wen Wan's request.
I had an instant epiphany.
It's not that I have a low IQ, but for a long time, I have been less able to hide my true thoughts when facing Wen Wan. Because of this, I always quarreled with Wen Wan in the past.
If Sheng Qizhou hadn't stopped me at this moment, I would probably have questioned and accused Wen Wan again, and the result would have been that she would have counterattacked me by saying that I had nothing to do with her, and I was still speechless.
Later, Wenwan kicked Sheng Qizhou and I out on the grounds that she wanted to rest. Sheng Qizhou said goodbye to me and went back to arrange for He Yi and several of his subordinates to go to the United States.
Sheng Qizhou and I coincidentally ordered Secretary Bi and Xiang Rui, and even Mu Qinghan and Ling Yuefan to go to the United States in advance.
Wenwan doesn’t want us to go, and we are in secret, what else can she do?
Although Mu Qinghan could understand the divorce between Wen Wan and me emotionally, she couldn't accept it. When I asked her to go over and take care of Wen Wan, she sarcastically asked me why I didn't just go there myself if I couldn't let her go.
Ling Yuefan also stood with Mu Qinghan at this time, and he also asked me if I wanted to bring Wen Wan back by force.
I shook my head, my heart aching.
I know that Wenwan went to the United States just to get away from me. Her escaping temperament has not changed until now. Just because I knew what she was thinking, I lost control at that time. I yelled and asked her if she couldn't do it in China.
Surgery? I accused her of being too willful...Actually, these are all my excuses. What I want to ask most is that you actually want to leave me, right?
I want to hug her tightly, even if I am hopeless, I can cry and beg her, "Wanwan, don't go so far away, don't leave me..."
My heart is suffering.
When I walked to the door, my hand was holding the doorknob and shaking constantly. I mustered up all the courage to ask her: "Are you coming back?"
She said: "Who knows!"
Actually, there is a next sentence, right?
Her next sentence should be: Maybe she will never come back.
I nodded calmly. It felt like hearing her say "I wish you happiness" at the door of the Civil Affairs Bureau. The moment she turned around and left, the moment I closed the door, I burst into tears.
I slid down my back against the door, slowly curled up my legs, and let my tall body sink into the corner of the door.
At that moment, I no longer cared about what the people around me thought of me. I held my head, curled up like a lonely child, and let out a low cry.
The night after Wen Wan left, like all the nights during this period, I couldn't sleep peacefully, or rather, I was afraid.
In the past few years, I have always suffered from insomnia and many nightmares, but I have never been afraid of sleep, a normal human physiological activity.
But now I'm scared.
Because since Wenwan lost her child, I always dream about her with tears streaming down her face, her blood-covered body lying on the operating table, her threats to me at my grandpa’s funeral that she was going to die, her
Kneeling in the deep snow of the bamboo forest, paying homage to our unborn child... All of them, so many sweet memories of us together, I can't remember them at all, my mind is filled with images of her crying sadly.
I can no longer sleep peacefully.
I had known for a long time that after losing her, I would be in so much pain that life would be worse than death. I thought I was strong, I thought I could get through it, but when it came to this moment, I found that I couldn't bear it at all.
More than ten times, even when eating Western food, I would stare at the knife in my hand, thinking about how to end this pain as quickly as possible.
Before going to Tahiti, I didn’t take the initiative to talk to her for nearly a month. I would not hold her while sleeping, or even sleep in the same bed with her, because it was difficult for me to keep myself from losing control.
What will he do to her next?
Just like when I came home after my grandpa's funeral, she ignored me when I was sleeping behind her and hugging her. The evil thought in my mind at that time was to rape her and punish her so that she would not dare to resist me anymore.
.
I also thought about imprisoning her, or just putting her in a cage. I knew my idea was crazy, but I was indeed crazy at that time.
Only this time I hid it and suppressed it.
The best thing I thought of was not to see her again. However, every half hour or several hours every day, I would always call Secretary Bi to ask about her. First during the day, and later at night, I wanted her to sleep as she wanted.
Sometimes, I would call Secretary Bi in the middle of the night.
I spent more than twenty days in this state until I went to negotiate with Rong Zhaoyuan.
Rong Zhaoyuan's first condition was that I divorce Wen Wan and send Wen Wan back to the Rong family.
Of course I knew what Rong Zhaoyuan was planning. When she asked me to divorce Wenwan, my heart suddenly became very peaceful.
After only thinking about it for a few seconds, I agreed to Rong Zhaoyuan.
Rong Zhaoyuan thought that I would agree so quickly because as long as I saved Wen Wan, I would have thousands of ways to be with Wen Wan again. Even Chi Beizhe also thought that he could temporarily divorce Wen Wan and deceived Rong Zhaoyuan first.
Say it again.
However they were all wrong.
It's true that Wen Wan is my weakness, but she, Rong Zhaoyuan, can't threaten me at all. In order to get a heart to save Wen Wan, I did not hesitate to sacrifice human life. I killed Rong Zhaoyuan and forcibly replaced Wen Wan with a heart. So what?
Sample?
I agreed to Rong Zhaoyuan's conditions because I was tired... No, to be more precise, I was tired of Wen Wan.
She could have had a longer life, even if it was just a year, it would be better than dying at the age of 24. However, as Rong Zhaoming said, if it weren't for being with me, Wen Wan's life after returning to China should be smooth.
In addition, she is more casual, so even if she marries a man she doesn't love, she can spend the rest of her life peacefully.
But what did I bring to her?
After she returned to China, I designed and forced her to become my sex slave. Although we later fell in love, even though we had many quarrels and misunderstandings, this still did not affect our relationship.
On the contrary, feelings were sublimated to the highest level during this period.
But putting all that aside, how many times has she been hurt and how many tears has she shed since she was with me?
She was not a cryer before, but then she cried more and more often. After losing her child, she never really laughed from the bottom of her heart.
Every time I saw her struggling to hold on, my heart ached as if I was about to die, but there was nothing I could do. I gave everything I had to her.
Regardless of money or love, I gave everything I could, but she still didn't smile and was still unhappy. I also prayed that she wouldn't be like this. What should I do to make her change back to the past?
So every time at this time, she would pretend that nothing had happened, that she still loved me, and she didn't want me to worry or feel sad about her, so she pretended that she was fine.
In fact, she is not good at all.
I could see that her heart was already scarred and exhausted. She had lost the will to live, and she no longer had the strength to love.
I don't blame her.
Many times a person's behavior is influenced by the subconscious mind, so even if she wants to continue walking with me, her heart is no longer under her control.
She is tired.
She wants to die.
This is absolutely not allowed by me, but I can't stop her heart failure from getting faster and faster, from 19 years old to 24 years old, from the previously expected six months to three months, and then to the last month.
I finally realized that her life span was getting shorter and shorter when she was with me.
I wanted to save her wholeheartedly, but in the end, I was the one who hurt her the most.
It turns out that my refusal to let go was such a big torture to her.
But what will I do without her?
From now on, I will never smile again, I will never have happiness, and I will never have the strength to love again.
I'm selfish, so I don't want to let her go.
However, later, I thought that if letting go was a kind of relief for her, then I could bear the pain alone, which was worse than death.
I cried too many times, and I felt that I was too worthless, but my heart hurt so much that I couldn't control my tears.
I feel that living like this is really meaningless, but I can't die yet.
If I die, who will save Wenwan? How can I die peacefully without watching her survive well?
This is not an excuse for my fear of death. I hated why my heart did not match hers. If mine could be donated to her, I would be willing to sacrifice myself.
Because I would rather she live in this world than live in this world alone while she dies.
I proposed going to Tahiti.
Seven days of joy, but my heart aches all the time.
I spread roses for ten miles, I knelt down to propose, I put a diamond ring on her, and at the end I played the piano and sang the lyrics. I really planned to let her go.
Just like the Civil Affairs Bureau said she wished me well, I also hope that there is someone besides me who can accompany her, and I won't blame her.
I let her go, not because I didn't love her, but because I wanted her to live well.
I let her go, but my heart will never give up loving her.
I just quit her life.
***
On the night of the third day, Secretary Bi called from the United States to tell us that Rong Zhaoyuan had passed away and that Wen Wan's heart transplant surgery was scheduled for the fourth day.
I hung up the phone and got up from the bed to put on my clothes. Song Chuning hugged my waist from behind and said, "Axiu, did you sleep well?"
I didn't move and just asked, "Are the diamond ring and jade bracelet that Wen Wan took off, including the pendant, all with you?"
