I got four calls from Beijing, and they kept saying the same thing.
Putting the phone aside, with the faint light shining through the window, it was three o'clock in the morning and I was insomnia alone.
I went to the living room to get stomach medicine and took two pills. I finally felt better. However, I still had cramping pain in my chest.
The feeling of illness and heartache, it turns out, this is the difference.
Sitting there for a while, looking at the flashing ring on the bedside table, I fell into confusion again.
Yesterday at the aquarium, the anxiety on her face and the pleading in her voice were like the long irony given to me by God.
In the first half of my life, the two words I believed in the most were: one is "every drop of water can penetrate a stone", and the other is "equivalent exchange".
Marriage is inherently sacred and inviolable. Because I have always held this thought in mind, when choosing a partner, I, like all the men in my family, act cautiously.
What my mother meant was for me to give up everything here and return to Beijing as soon as possible for treatment there.
But I clearly know that the success rate of treatment is only 50%.
Recovery and death actually accounted for such a proportion.
The moment I really got the news, I suddenly felt that there were some things in my life that I had not yet completed. In the army, the most obvious thing was to make contributions and honor the ancestors. When I really left and returned to society, there was no definite goal.
Target.
I am very grateful to have met some people during the most confusing moments of my life.
Chen Xiaojia, at first, I couldn't understand her choice. Any mature and calm girl should understand that the story of Cinderella is too fake in this materialistic world.
Regarding the beginning of the story between her and Gao Zijian, I did not have the opportunity to participate, but during the process, I was lucky enough to be an insider.
Thinking about our encounter four years ago, overall, I still find it incredible.
Tian Xin once told me at a cocktail party that when I don’t smile, I look like a stubborn old man, with a righteous face but a hint of dullness.
When she said this, in a sense, I didn't believe it. Maybe it was my many years of military career that made me develop this habit, or maybe it was the influence of my family environment.
In short, I feel that I am a man who lacks a sense of humor.
As for everything that has happened in the past four years, it is difficult to explain it in one sentence. If I really want to explain everything between Chen Xiaojia and me, it must be my paranoia. It is completely natural to warn me that nothing will penetrate the stone.
I don't know why I said those words to her last night, exchanging one's future for another's emotions. In a sense, I despise this kind of behavior. But I still did it.
Perhaps the time in this world is short, so I am eager to get something.
I have been waiting for the past two days, waiting for her to come to me, waiting for me to talk about this opportunity.
If my life is not perfect because I have no marriage and no children, with Chen Xiaojia and Sun Moxuan, all this will be made up for naturally.
I think if I choose to leave at that time, I will feel at ease.
Tian Xin once asked me why I was so willing to protect someone but never said it out loud.
The four words "willingly" are overly complimentary to me. People all have selfish desires, so who would be willing to do so willingly?
Thinking that the relationship between her and me was just a chance encounter on the side of the road, and we were just colleagues in a company, and we could only say a few words occasionally, how could it develop into something later and it had to be her?
There are many questions for no reason.
If it weren't for that medical record, maybe I wouldn't be so anxious.
Four years ago, when she and I first got to know each other, I had doubts about her character for a while. As a second-generation rich man, if she was not a well-matched woman, this woman would naturally be doubted in this circle.
When I saw Gao Zijian holding her hand and leaving downstairs in the company, and seeing the fear in her big eyes, I even wondered if this Gao Zijian had violent tendencies.
Of course, such people, referred to as perverts, definitely exist.
In my impression, a portion of shredded potatoes in her lunch box made my heart flutter.
In this era, there are too few women who can cook. When you meet one, you always feel like you have the warmth of home.
Tian Xin once asked me when did I develop a crush on her. I looked through my brain carefully and couldn't figure it out.
Some feelings come out of nowhere. Maybe it’s the big age gap that makes me appreciate Chen Xiaojia’s youthful vitality. Maybe it’s because she is so special.
She is particularly overbearing and overbearing to the point of being unfeminine.
Thinking of the situation when she was scolding other women in the cafeteria because of a man, firstly, I felt that this man was not a thing, and secondly, this woman was not rational enough.
But when it happened to her, she felt funny and cute at the same time.
A nearly thirty-year-old man met a youthful woman at a confused moment in his life. I think this is what attracted me to her.
Furthermore, she can quarrel with the urban management and is not afraid of power. Among many girls, I admire this very much.
The arrogance revealed in my bones, the domineering expression on the surface, and the unique delicacy of girls in my heart. I don’t know if it’s because I never tried to let a girl get close to me in the first half of my life. Seeing Chen Xiaojia like this is really attractive. .
Do you think it's ridiculous? In fact, I think it's a bit ridiculous too.
I remember that during that time, every time I passed by the company's elevator, I always glanced at their department habitually. This feeling was very special. I didn't want to be known by anyone, I was just enjoying it alone. I also wanted to be known by her. , because when you observe a person, you always want to get attention.
Later, from Tian Xin's words, I suddenly learned that this is the feeling of liking someone.
I really didn’t know it at the time. Perhaps, emotionally, I was a little bit behind the scenes.
I secretly changed my hairstyle, changed my clothes, and even found opportunities to ask her to work overtime. Perhaps, I am the only one who knows the subtle changes in this from beginning to end.
One day, she went into the hospital.
I found her QQ from the company's information, and her signature was a very funny sentence - "You remind me of a poem" "What poem" "How ugly can you be? Just like a donkey's face and a Dalmatian dog" .
Seeing this, I couldn't help laughing.
I also heard rumors about her. There are always unclear relationships between four men and women. As for Chen Xiaojia at that time, she could not calmly handle the problems between two men. I felt it was inappropriate. of.
It's a pity that there is no Sun Yiqing between those two men.
Not me.
Now, when Chen Xiaojia and Sun Yiqing finally got involved, she came to beg me, but it was for another man.
I am a passive person. I rarely know how to take the initiative and strive for something. When she sprained her leg and was scolded by another man, the little protective desire in her heart was aroused.
Unfortunately, the words boyfriend are still painful to me.
He is not her boyfriend, so he is not qualified. He is her boyfriend, no matter whether it is domestic violence, arrogance or unreasonable, he is still qualified.
I hate these three people, and at the same time, I also hope to have someone with these three words.
After that, I felt her deliberate alienation. I think she was under the power of her man. I never wanted to know her man, Gao Zijian, not at all.
When I felt depressed about her alienation, I called Tian Xin. I thought that girls of similar age would always have the same thoughts.
Tian Xin told me that I must take the initiative.
Take the initiative? I struggled with these four words for two days. In the end, I had no choice but to leave Xiao Hei with her.
I always have to find a reason to get close, and I have to find a reason to meet. I am very depressed why I can only find such a lame reason, but I have no choice, I can't think of anything else.
Later, when I found out that she and Gao Zijian were having trouble, I would always drive to that community out of habit, but I didn't dare to go up there.
The word third party is also an insult to me and I don't like it.
But judging from her performance, my chances are very low.
I was very happy that she asked me to help fix the faucet. Living alone for many years has allowed me to deal with these problems without any difficulty. I wanted her to see my special side. Of course, I didn’t understand it at that time. This is
like.
I have always felt that this is just a feeling and it is impossible to stay there for too long.
Who knew, four years would pass in the blink of an eye.
When I knew that it was impossible for the Gao family to accept her, I realized that my opportunity had come. I also wanted to tell her cruelly, Cinderella, don't be naive. Is the concept of family status so easy to break?
But it's too cruel. I'm used to saying cruel and direct things, but I can't say it to her.
If it hadn't happened, maybe I wouldn't be so sad. I think the biggest blow to any man is that the woman he likes is pregnant with another man's child.
I think about how I felt at that time and her helpless look in her eyes. Even now, I still feel unwilling.
Everything is done willingly by me.
But I never thought that four years ago, the story between Chen Xiaojia and Gao Zijian would end with her departure.
Through repeated contact and understanding, I gradually understood that their story is different from the story of the rich second generation and Cinderella. Their story, like that of all young men and women, is just a baptism of youth.
The only thing that made me unwilling was that she took a child as big as a fingernail and left alone!! She didn’t come to me or ask for help from me!! Was she unwilling to trust me? I don’t deserve her
To trust?
I went to her hometown, to the elementary school, junior high school, and high school she had attended. I didn’t know what I was looking for. Maybe, I just wanted to give myself an end.
Also accidentally, I learned from one of her friends that she wanted to go to the mountains.
With this clue, I searched for a month and finally heard news about her in Yunshui Town.
Last night, Chen Xiaojia was sitting in the passenger seat, looked at me, and asked me if she could help?
At that moment, my heart ached.
When she was hiding alone in the coffee house on Yunshuishan Mountain, did she ever think that the man who once said she loved him did not come to her?
Maybe she forgot, but I didn't.
In a dark and damp house, there were more than ten square meters of space, one bed, one chair, and even a coal stove to boil water. How did she, a pregnant woman, get here?
When Douzi was five months old, she was cleaning the dining table with a full belly. How did she spend her time alone?
When Douzi was six months old, she went to the mountain to deliver cakes and had fetal contamination, almost killing two people. Did she forget?
I never said anything wrong with anything she chose. Only that time, I got angry.
She was willing to move into that house to raise her baby, but she kept saying thank you to me. Sometimes I would see a diary on her desk, and I naively thought that maybe there would be something about me in it.
Two three.
I understand that people must be dissatisfied. My dissatisfaction is that if I can live for two more years, I also want her and Douzi to be by my side. But after thinking about it, if they are by my side, seeing
The most terrifying side of me is also what I don’t want to see.
I want to tell her, and as long as I open my mouth, I know she will definitely stay.
However, I don't want to use my illness to win sympathy. If I have to fight for it, I also want to use the most open and aboveboard way.
Standing in front of the glass mirror of the aquarium, looking at the three of us, I seemed to see my family of three.
Because I was unwilling to give in, I asked that question. Because I was unwilling to give in, I wanted to fight for it. At the same time, because I was unwilling to give in, I was even more eager for her and Douzi to accompany me through the last journey.
I know it is a bit cruel for her to ask this question, but if Gao Zijian will be more considerate and caring about their mother and son because of this, I think I will be satisfied.
Gao Zijian is secretly preparing for the wedding. I know that I may not be able to wait until they get married.