When I was young, I already had my own concept of women. I always thought that all women, including my mother, were synonymous with gentleness and kindness.
It wasn't until one day when a girl took off my pants in the courtyard that I realized one thing. There are top quality products everywhere in this world, and people are refreshing my concepts every day.
And this person's name is Gao Ziran.
To be honest, when she was a child, she really didn't look like a girl at all. Except for a pair of big flashing eyes, her other appearance was similar to that of the rest of us.
Just such a little girl has already fucked the fat guy from Uncle Wang's family three times and the tall guy from Aunt Li's family more than five times, and she has directly established her prestige in the yard.
I remember that at that time, Gao Ziran was a little taller than me. So looking at her from a distance, I felt that she had a queen-like feeling about her.
Just such a girl who makes trouble all day long, has a father who loves her, a mother who loves her, and a brother who dotes on her. She has no idea what the world is like.
Of course, at that time, I didn’t have these dissatisfactions at all, because she was quite loyal. Every time she climbed over the courtyard wall and picked the persimmons from the next courtyard, she would share it with everyone.
My father leaves early every day and comes home late every day, and my mother is busy working in a shop outside the Second Ring Road every day. I am the only one at home.
Sometimes, having a bad one is better than nothing. This is how I think about a little playmate like Gao Ziran.
I was very envious of how Uncle Gao would take turns hanging his two children around his neck and taking them on a plane every time, but I had never had such an experience.
I didn't know why at the time. It wasn't until I came home from school again and found that the bedroom door was open and saw a woman sitting in my father's arms that I finally understood the reason.
The relationship between my father and my mother is not as good as it seems.
So on my birthday, my dad scolded my mom in front of me and then slammed the door and walked out.
My mother locked herself in the room and cried. No matter how much I knocked on the door, she didn't open the door.
I stood alone at the door, looking at the unlit candles, and quietly wiping my tears.
Gao Zijian and Gao Ziran happened to pass by my door, holding colorful fluorescent sticks in their hands, which shone brightly in the dark night.
I don’t know how I recognized Gao Ziran, but now that I think about it, isn’t she my flashing light stick in the dark?
Gao Ziran also discovered me. At that time, he still had ear-length short hair, a pair of big black eyes, and a small fang. When he saw me standing at the door, he smiled at me.
Gao Ziran had a lot of clever ideas. When he saw the cake in my house, he tried every possible means to seduce me. But he was worried that his parents would tell him, so he could only stand at the door and watch dryly.
I cut a piece and walked out, putting it in her hand without saying a word.
She didn't take it, but pointed to the candle on the table and motioned for me to take one out.
I took a candle and a lighter, and ran with Gao Ziran into the woods of the community and secretly lit the candle.
Before this, Gao Ziran and I had a feud. She always bullied me by stripping off her pants and playing with water guns.
So when I lit candles with her, I deliberately increased my precautions.
It's just that I miscalculated. To be more precise, this second girl actually put in candles and sang happy birthday to me.
Her voice was intermittent and the tone was inaccurate. In the warm red candlelight, you could see her long eyelashes fluttering like a butterfly flying in the sunset. It was very beautiful.
That year, I was nine years old and Gao Ziran was eight years old.
In the next ten years, I traveled around with my parents, went to better and better schools, and met more and more people, including countless girls. But every lonely night, I could still think of those fluttering pairs.
eyes.
I just didn't have time to say goodbye to her before I left.
I went to the photo studio that took our photos that day, begged him to develop a photo of her, and put it in my wallet, which is still there today.
The college entrance examination needs to be held in this city, so I hurriedly went back to my grandma's house. I passed by the grocery store I once liked, which has been turned into a dessert shop. Like me, many things are changing.
Two girls came out of the dessert room, one behind the other, holding a small piece of mousse in their hands, eating it very sweetly.
This once again inspired in my mind that autumn many years ago, the girl who lit a candle for me in the woods.
"Lu Xiaoping, the teacher may ask me to go to the blackboard today. Remember to tell me the answer then!"
"I don't want it. I was almost discovered last time..."
"Didn't we agree? I'll treat you to Napoleon, and you told me the answer, so be good!"
Two girls skipped past me and their conversation was dull.
"Gao Ziran, this is the last time, there will be no next time, remember it!"
With big eyes and tongues sticking out, two girls in school uniforms passed by me. They were very cute.
The next second, my steps stopped.
Because unnecessary things were automatically filtered out, there were only three words "Gao Ziran" in my ears.
Maybe I've seen more things over the years, so it's hard to be deeply touched. But now, when I hear this name again, it feels like an electric current has shot through my body, which is very profound.
I came back three days before the college entrance examination and went to school to get my admission ticket. What I didn't expect was that I would meet her.
If I had to summarize the reasons behind such an encounter, I can only attribute it to fate.
For the remaining two days, I waited for her where she was, but she never passed by there again.
Now think about it, the original thoughts can be so simple and innocent. Why does a person have more thoughts as he grows older and cannot be as simple as before?
I have been thinking about one thing these days. I am not a fool, I can completely feel her heart, but I have been hesitating whether it is right or wrong to fight for it.
I also know what tests we will face together, and I am too worried that she will suffer along with me.
And what I owe Yueyue cannot be paid off so easily.
Ziran's mother was able to say those words to me so decisively at the beginning, and I think she will be the same in the future.
Having experienced life and death once, many things can be seen as ordinary, but this time, I can't be free and easy at all.
How could I not hate her for being untrustworthy and leaving in my heart? But to be angry is to be angry. It would be better to punish myself than to punish her.
To be honest, I didn't expect her to come back. I went to Paris half a year ago and saw Gao Zijian attending school dances with her. I couldn't help but feel moved when I saw her graceful figure.
I also want to go up and scold her for being cruel, and I also want to find a woman to stimulate her, but I also understand that all these are due to the inability to let go.
She seemed unable to understand why I, a repeat student, would come to her class, and moreover, I was always against her.
In her eyes, the sports committee member sitting behind her seemed to be more approachable. He could be bribed with two packs of snacks. It was not that she was too stupid, but that she was too stupid.
The other students were busy writing and writing. They had a bag of snacks in one hand and a comic book in the other, and they were living in a relaxed and relaxed manner.
In my eyes, she is an out-of-this-world girl.
Because of this, I dare not blaspheme her easily.
I remember that on the Friday of my senior year in high school, a classmate proposed a class activity. She was mopping the floor without hesitation, swung the mop over to her, and shouted her agreement.
Then, she took the hands of her deskmate and the sports committee member. The two tables were side by side and she didn't notice my eyes at all.
That hand, just holding that hand without any scruples.
She didn't seem to care at all. In fact, a certain boy's face was already red.
I feel bad too. After all, for me, all the precious first times about her, I want to occupy them all by myself.
Later, I discovered her weakness, which was learning.
The old physics guy didn't know whose instructions he received. Every time he asked a question in class, he would call her name. And every time, her answers were weird.
When others laughed, she laughed too. After she finished laughing, she covered her face with a book. She didn't know whether she was shy or arrogant.
I couldn't bear it, so I took the initiative to answer a question for her. Unexpectedly, by some strange combination of circumstances, she actually found me.
I pretended to ignore it, and only I knew that I treated every little note from her like a treasure and secretly treasured it.
To put it nicely, she is frank, but to put it poorly, she is Tai Er.
But every time I see her coming to me with a book, I can't help but want to touch her head and think of her looking at me with a smile on her face.
What made me a little depressed was that I spent two hours asking him to pay attention to my existence, but in the end, she sold me to the teacher on the day of the health inspection.
I knew that there was no chance of invisible flattery. I had to find something that would make her remember me deeply. As a result, I broke an arm and finally made her succeed in remembering me.
In fact, I didn't expect to fall down the stairs that time, but I couldn't help but kiss her.
Maybe it's because the arm hurts too much and needs a little gentle treatment - this is what she said.
Destiny is entangled, time and space are turning around, I have been numbing myself for the past two years, thinking that I can ignore it, but in the end, I discovered that God has given me such a nature, and I always have to find someone to deal with me.