I haven’t written for a few days in a row because I have been feeling very powerless recently, so powerless that I feel helpless. “Reality is always crueler than fiction” - I still remember this is a line from a funny comic I read when I was a child. I thought it was very funny at the time
, it’s very funny, but after experiencing something, you will find that this sentence is so accurate.
After all, reality is cruel and objective. Although we can have too many romances and bright moons and breezes in our fantasies, there are still too many objective things that hinder our happiness in reality. Maybe it is just imaginary happiness.
Okay, but why does it still make people feel so sad and painful when they are disillusioned? I don't understand.
But no matter what, people cannot lose the courage to pursue happiness because their dreams are shattered. If you have given up the pursuit of happiness, then how can happiness favor you? The reality is cruel, but we still have to
Raise your head and face it - whether in novels or in our lives.
Jing just stood and looked at me, the wind blowing her long hair, making it look illusory and unreal. I looked at her patiently, waiting for her to continue telling me this story that made me sad and painful.
She looked at me and smiled. With a bit of ridicule and a hint of distress, she just looked at me quietly.
I finally couldn't help it anymore, "What happened to the bell?" I asked.
"Of course she was rescued, otherwise why would you meet her?" She completely calmed down her mood. The girl who was crying and forgetful just now is gone. Now she is still a naughty and outgoing girl.
"How were you rescued?"
"Her parents saw that the lights in her room were not turned off, so they opened the door and came in to take a look. Then they saw Ling wading in a pool of blood, so they sent her to the hospital..."
"Where's him?" I didn't say who he was, but I knew Jing must know what I was talking about.
"He? He never knew. Ling didn't tell him. He called Ling several times later, but no one answered. He thought Ling had given up, so he just let it go and continued to live the life he should live.
"
"What!!!" I felt incredible and even angry, "How could he be like this?! Ling almost died because of him! He actually gave up when he said he would give up?! Who is he!"
Jing smiled sadly, "Who? A happy person! Ignorant people are the happiest, and he is an ignorant person. He does not need to bear the pressure caused by Ling's suicide, nor does he need to pay for Ling's efforts.
Take responsibility. Of course, he once really loved Ling, but when he found that the pressure that Ling brought to him was greater than what he was willing to pay, he still chose to give up. He is very smart, isn't he? Smart and cold.
, clever and cruel. He can never be hurt, but he will never be qualified to love."
Jing looked at me and smiled: "This is very happy, isn't it?"
Is this called happiness? I didn’t know it at that time, and I don’t even know it now. Can I be happy if I treat love as a game, treat the other person as a dispensable existence, and always love myself the most?
? Or just use this as an excuse to deceive yourself to continue to be decadent and paralyzed in the feasting and feasting, and then you can only lick your wounds quietly when you are alone, imagining that you were once so close to the happiness you want?
So close that there is only an arm's length away? Is this happiness?
I shook my head and did not answer Jing's question. For the rare occasion, Jing did not question me. She seemed to be just settling into the role of a storyteller today, telling me a story about Ling's past and giving me enough information.
Then let me choose where to go. What choice should I make?
I know that Ling is a person with stories, but I didn't expect that her story would be so poignant and narrative, as twists and turns as a novel. And Ling is more like a helpless writer, watching her own story helplessly
The protagonist will fall into an unextricable whirlpool, but can only sink helplessly. What is more unbearable than pain is the pain of having no choice. Ling has no choice but to invest in her story.
I can understand her, and I also want to help her get over that experience. But what should I do? His existence and the story he brought to Ling stand in front of me like an impregnable fortress.
, how do I break in? Is there a loophole that I can break through?
No!
I used to be able to laugh and tease Ling because I didn't know Ling's past, but now Ling's experience is like a big stone weighing heavily on my chest. Among her most unforgettable past, there is no
Me, my existence seems so insignificant. So when she smiled at me and was happy with me, would she still be thinking of him?
Thinking of this, my heart aches.
The atmosphere at that moment was really not very good. Jing and I stood face to face quietly, each thinking about our own thoughts. I couldn't participate in Ling's past experience, so I could only start over with Ling.
A story that belongs to me. What is the ending of the story? I don’t know. But I want the process of this story to be less painful and sad. Even if I don’t get my happiness in the end, I still
I hope that when Ling thinks of this memory one day, she will only remember smiles and happiness instead of pain and sadness. Yes, that’s what I thought at that time. I want Ling to come out and walk out of the shadow of the past.
, no longer shackled by the sorrow and joy of the past, but came to this reality. Although the reality is not very beautiful, at least there is hope, and she can still smile. Maybe it will be very tiring, maybe the final outcome
It's not like in fairy tales, right? Who cares?
When I first met you, how could I have imagined that your smile was so important to me.
After a long silence, I asked Jing: "Why are you telling me this?"
"Isn't that what you asked? You want to know Ling's past, okay, I told you, everything." Jing's tone was surprisingly quiet, "Now that you have got the information you want, how do you choose?
It's your business. I just want to tell you: think about it calmly, and then make your decision rationally. No matter what the decision is, I won't blame you. Just don't make any decision because of impulse. Don't make any decision again.
It hurts the bell, really!”
"I know this, you don't have to tell me this." I know everything Jing said, and I have already made up my mind. But I still have a question to ask her.
"Why do you know such details?" This question has troubled me for a long time.
Jing smiled and paused.
"Because I am his sister."
"Sister?!" I was dumbfounded and stared at Jing without saying a word for several minutes. I think my head had short-circuited at that time. Although I had thought about some possibilities in advance, I still didn't expect Jing's identity to be like this.
mystery.
"Yeah." She continued to laugh.
"But, you are not from the same place!" I held it in for a long time and finally managed to say something. Indeed, Ling is from Huaiyin, Anhui, and Jing is from Jiangsu. No matter how hard you think, it is impossible to connect them.
"I am indeed from Jiangsu, yes. But remember, what I said? He and his sister left home and wandered around when they were young. Then when I was in high school, I followed my brother to
Huaiyin." When she said this, her voice gradually dropped, and her expression became gloomy: "Then we met Ling."
Jing sighed: "Ling is a good girl. She shouldn't have to bear so many things. She shouldn't have to bear these things either. If I knew the ending, I wouldn't think about it after they broke up for the first time.
I tried my best to bring them together, but the result was like Ling..."
I became more and more confused: "But how could you be with Ling later? Didn't you say that even your brother didn't know Ling's whereabouts?"
"Ling and I went to the same high school." Jing smiled, "Isn't it strange? Huaiyin is a small city. And from that time on, I regarded Ling as my sister."
At this point, Jing paused and her tone became very serious: "Ling's past is an unpleasant memory. This is what my brother owes her and what I owe her. But now, neither I nor
Ling, I don’t want my brother to enter Ling’s life again. Therefore, I am the only one to repay the things that our brother and sister owe Ling. I will not only take care of her and take care of her, but I must also let her
Find my own happiness, no matter what price it costs me!"
"I can give her happiness!" I knew what information she wanted to get from me, and I didn't hesitate, I said it firmly.
"You? I don't know." Jing glanced at me without any expression. "I know you like Ling, but I don't think you are the person Ling needs. And there is only one reason why I tell you these things:
I want you to give up! I don’t want Ling to be hurt again!”
"Why do you think I'm not the one you want?" I was a little excited. For my self-confidence, Jing's words were an insult to me, especially when I had just made an important decision.
, I felt that her words made me feel ignored and underestimated. I needed to prove myself in front of her, because if I couldn't even convince her, how could I convince Ling?
"I'm not saying there's anything bad about you or anything. It's just that Ling's past is too complicated and profound. She needs more tolerance and understanding, rather than the enthusiasm of a stupid boy. Do you understand what I mean?
"
"Jing." This was the first time I called her name formally. She looked at me in surprise, as if she wasn't used to me being so serious. "Thank you for telling me the story of Ling's past today. Maybe that part
The past was indeed too deep for her, and it wrapped up the real her. But I am not afraid. I don’t know what kind of person your brother is, but I believe that one day I will never be worse than him, and
I can give Ling something your brother can never give you."
I paused, as if I wanted to make a promise to myself: "What I can bring to her is persistence and responsibility!"
"How old are you? Why do you say this?" Jing replied sharply.
At this time, Jing is no longer Jing, she has become a nightmare in my heart. If I can't solve all her problems, then I won't be able to convince my heart to really give everything for Ling. I'm not answering Jing
question, I am answering all the questions in my heart.
"Does age matter? Your brother is 10 years older than Ling, but he still doesn't bring responsibility to Ling. All he brings to Ling is hurt. I'm only one year older than Ling. I don't have that rich emotional experience. I only know Ling.
She is the first girl I like in my life, the first girl who is willing to give everything for her. So you may say that my current thoughts are naive and impulsive, but I do not allow you to deny my sincerity and my enthusiasm. I
I will make Ling come out. I like to see her smile. In order to keep her smiling, I will do whatever it takes to make her smile!"
Jing's tone became a little loose: "Did you know? A woman will only like the man who makes her laugh, but the man she falls in love with makes her cry." She looked into my eyes without blinking.
"Even so, do you still want to stick to your choice?"
To be honest, when Jing said these words, I felt a very tragic feeling, a feeling of a strong man never returning. But I am willing to do this, I really am. As long as it can make her happy,
No matter what I do, I am willing to do it. Is this called love? I didn’t know then, and I don’t know now. Can you tell me?
All I know is that I only had one thought in my mind at that time: You are happy, so I am happy.
So, I also stared at Jing's eyes, looking at her without blinking. As if I was facing the last question, the last confusion, the last uncertainty in my heart. I just stared quietly.
I felt the last trace of hesitation, and then smiled. I told Jing and myself the answer I chose: "Yes, even if this is the case, I will still do it! Her happiness is my happiness!"
Then I felt a little relaxed, because I no longer had any doubts or troubles in my own mind. Indeed, I had nothing to be troubled or troubled about. I just made a choice at that time, and the content of that choice was
I want to use everything I have to make the first woman I like in my life happy. That's it. I don't need to prove anything on the line, right?
Jing finally smiled, as if the last doubt deep in my heart had been eliminated by the decision I just made. She finally showed her true smile to me, "No matter what, I thank you. Thank you.
Are you willing to make such a decision for Ling? Originally, I didn’t know what kind of person was suitable for Ling. I had already made a decision for her once, but it turned out that I was wrong. So I had no intention of helping her from the beginning.
What choice did she make? This is Ling's own happiness, and it should be her choice. I am very grateful for your persistence and seriousness. Although I can't help, please accept my blessing at this moment!"