It was next to the school, and there was a small teahouse. I sat down with him, face to face, heart to heart. I tried my best to pretend to be indifferent and indifferent, but there was an uncontrollable wave in my heart. After all, for me at that time
I don't have the experience or mental preparation to deal with this kind of thing.
But I'm still not afraid, not even worried. Because through Jing, I learned about his and her story, a heart-wrenching story. It was supposed to be a grudge and hatred that only belonged to Ling and him, but in a different place.
In the careful afternoon, I met Ling, so I entered Ling's life, and also entered this story that was supposed to end.
Continuation rather than ending. Perhaps, it is wrong to forcefully divide one's life into stages. Our life cannot be divided into stages one by one intentionally or unintentionally. In fact, when you think that a stage is over,
That time just happened to be the beginning of another stage. Life is like reincarnation, moving forward over and over again. There is no starting point or end point. All we have is a series of consistent footprints left by us over the decades.
So, I chose Ling and faced her past, including the man sitting across from me now.
He is really handsome. He is about 30 years old, so the years have carved a trace of manly strength and lines on his face. But I don't know why, I always feel that he always shows a look that is different from his age.
Proportionately immature, from the nervousness when he first met me to the coldness now - he really doesn't know how to grasp the situation. The indifference and smile at the beginning are not so much to reassure me as to make him relax.
Or maybe I am calmer than he imagined? So I am better than him! I told myself so, and then laughed: "What do you want?" Although he is a stranger, I really don't want to use it to him.
Honorific words.
"Well, that's it. I know about you and Ling. So I want to meet you..." He spoke intermittently, trying hard to organize his words.
"Why?" I asked back, "Or rather, why?" I didn't have the slightest bit of kindness toward him. After all, he was the one who caused Ling to commit suicide. Being able to sit calmly at a table and talk to him was already enough.
This is my lowest limit.
"I, I, I..." He seemed to still be unable to organize his words well, hesitatingly organizing what he wanted to say, but his hesitation made me feel disgusted. Because it was his hesitation.
Ling was hurt by her indecision.
Perhaps seeing the impatience in my expression, he finally made up his mind: "I still love Ling, and I want her to come back to me!" He looked at me sincerely, "I understand Ling.
I knew everything that happened after we broke up, including the suicide, so I felt very guilty and painful. It was precisely because of this period of reflection that I realized that bells were my favorite, so I wanted to
Get back together with her."
"Then why do you want to talk to me?" His words did not surprise me. I could roughly guess what he wanted to say beforehand, so when he said it in one breath, I became calmer and said
Trying to guide his thoughts to my rhythm.
"Because I heard from Jing that you are a very nice person. I am also curious about what kind of person Ling likes, so I want to meet you first."
It seemed that he didn't know that Ling and I had broken up. I sneered: "According to what you said, do you think Ling will definitely choose you?"
Perhaps my indifference and acrimony stimulated his self-esteem as a man, and he seemed a little out of control: "Of course, do you think you have any advantages when facing me?" He asked me directly, and seemed to be interested in him. I am quite confident about this issue.
In fact, I have asked this question many times in my mind. Why does Ling like me? Do I have any advantages over her previous boyfriend? He is more mature than me and richer than me. He is more handsome than me, so why should I let Ling Lai forget about him? I think I only have one advantage: I am more real than him.
I am more serious about facing this relationship, I am more serious about taking care of Ling, and I am more determined to be with Ling. I will exchange my sincerity for your palm, Ling, do you know?
I won’t discuss whether my point of view is naive or not, but doing anything requires confidence, and this is my confidence, which is why I pursue Ling’s confidence without fear or flinching. Confidence is something that I have brought to myself. , it doesn’t matter what the source of confidence is, what’s important is that the confidence gives you the confidence to do something and work hard until you succeed!
So with this kind of fearless courage similar to that of an ignorant person who says "bare feet are not afraid of wearing shoes", I started my pursuit of bells. It was precisely with this point that when I faced his problem, I chose calmly. face.
"What advantage? I'm younger than you. What you have now, I will definitely have in the future; and what you don't have now, I will also have in the future!"
"The future? The future is the most elusive thing. How can you be sure that you will achieve better results than me now? How can you face all kinds of temptations in the future and still maintain the innocence you have now? Where is your heart?" He was completely dismissive of my confession of loyalty.
At that time, I was quite disdainful of what he said, and thought it was just a loser's excuse. After I graduated and experienced some things, I realized that his words were actually not wrong. Facing the changes brought about by growth, our personal will is actually quite weak most of the time. However, this refers to most situations. Some people, some things, and some promises will not fade with the passage of time. After all, there should be some things that remain unchanged throughout a person's life.
And the thing I have is the bell.
Maybe some people will give up their original persistence and beliefs after experiencing temptation, and maybe some people will lose their dreams and promises after suffering setbacks, but I won't, and I don't. For my love, I persist Come down.
So now I can calmly sit in front of the computer and write down what I said to him at that time: "Yes, I am not a god and cannot guarantee that things in the future will happen in the direction I want, but at least I can I guarantee that this relationship is much more important in my heart than the one in your heart, so I am willing to work hard for Ling, to take care of her, and to make her happy. You can call me naive, or you can call me wishful thinking. .But for me, the possibility of a sincere wishful thinking coming true is much greater than your so-called mature concerns or irresponsible relaxation!"
He didn't speak, just looked at me. I didn't know what he was thinking, but I just felt that the cadence of what I just said was wrong, which was quite disheartening. So I looked at him provocatively, waiting for his rebuttal.
After talking endlessly, I looked at him, waiting for his answer.
He looked at me, feeling a little confused about what to say for a moment. I was satisfied with his slowness and speechlessness, lit a cigarette for myself, and then said: "Besides, you came to see me today.
You have no respect for the bell. Do you think the bell will come back to you if you still wave your hand? Have you never considered the thoughts of the bell itself? Don’t you think you are too self-righteous? "
To my surprise, in the face of my aggressiveness, his attitude was quite calm. He didn't get angry or make other gaffes like I expected. He just tilted his head and looked at me with a smile.
Maybe his smile was kind, but to me at that time, it was just a provocation. I was a little angry that he didn't respond to my challenge. So I asked him rudely: "Why are you smiling?"
He noticed my emotions and put away his smile: "I'm sorry, I don't mean any harm. I just think you are exactly what Jing said, you are a very straightforward person who doesn't say anything. Yes, you
He is a more responsible man than me, but I am not as good as you at this point."
His friendliness actually made me feel embarrassed. Maybe it was due to the difference in experience. He successfully defused my sharpness. I didn't know what to say for a while, so I had to smoke to cover myself up.
He looked at me and suddenly said: "Actually, Ling..."
"What's the bell?!" He mentioned the bell, and I became anxious and quickly interrupted him.
He looked at my anxious look, a bit reluctant to talk, as if he didn't want to tell me something. I became anxious and asked, "What's wrong with Ling? What do you want to do to Ling?"
He looked at my anxious look and smiled again, "It's nothing, nothing important. It's just that I suddenly remembered something. It's okay..."
The evasive tone in his words was very obvious, but there was an unquestionable determination in his eyes. I don't know what made him care so much, but looking at him I knew he wouldn't tell me what he just wanted to say.
thing.
I gave up, and I analyzed that he probably didn’t have anything big to say to me. At most, it was something related to Ling’s past. I didn’t mind or care. Dealing with the man sitting across from me was the top priority now.
.
"You just said that you want to get to know me first. Now that we've been chatting for so long, what's next?"
"I'll go find her!"
"Why? Do you still have the qualifications and the nerve to go find her? Do you have the nerve to face the woman you hurt?"
"What are you worried about?" He looked at me and asked. At this moment, he seemed to have made a difficult decision, and his whole aura was different from just now.
I was surprised by his changes before and after, and of course I was unwilling to admit defeat: "I'm not worried about you, I'm worried that you will hurt her again."
Throughout the night until this moment, he acted like a man 7 or 8 years older than me. He obviously controlled the scene: "After all, the story of Ling and I is not over yet. At least as a man, I should mark it off."
A full stop, instead of dragging it on like this. No matter what Ling's answer is to me, at least I have to say sorry to her face to face."
His expression was quite calm, and his words were natural and smooth. I had to believe his sincerity. However, his attitude aroused another kind of fighting spirit in me, not against him, but against Ling.
Ling rejected me in a way that I couldn't refuse, because I always thought that I was a man, a good man, but should a so-called good man give up his love? Especially such an unforgettable love.
He is willing to put an end to his past in a very manly way, but why do I lack such courage?
I clenched my hand tightly on a glass on the coffee table, feeling heartbroken and speechless. At that moment, I forgot where I was and when I was. I just thought of her and the bell.
Perhaps, for a long time, I have been too accustomed to restricting myself with some rules that I have set. I am too focused on whether I am a man, and as a result, my actions are not like a man.
Maybe she thought this love was too heavy at the beginning, and what Ling wanted was not heaviness. She could no longer bear a heavier love. A love that is too heavy can only lead to too much fatigue, so it is better to relax
For a moment, the hearts of both parties can fly better.
I understand, Ling, I won't give up on you.
At that time, the tea room was very quiet, I was thinking about my own things, and he was looking at me quietly, as if he wanted to see through my thoughts.
I calmly smiled and said to him: "You can give it a try. In fact, I will work hard to fight for my happiness. I will definitely not lose to you!"
He was surprised, then laughed: "I'm waiting for you!"