He knew that he had to do something, otherwise sooner or later he would lose control.
No one knows how afraid he is of losing control, how afraid that his reason will be completely swallowed up by those dark thoughts, and he will do something that will make him regret and hurt her!
Every day he restrained himself and fought against the darkness. Every day he lived very tiredly. Every night he needed a lot of sleeping pills and wine to fall asleep. Every night he dreamed that he had killed Su Yan. She was very sad.
He was very sad and looked at him with hateful eyes. Such eyes would wake him up from his dreams every time and never dare to sleep again.
He went to see a psychiatrist, who told him to relax, otherwise the consequences would be disastrous.
He chose to get married. Firstly, it would reassure Xue. Secondly, he thought it would be better since he was bound by responsibility.
He chose a woman he had met three times in a row. That woman seemed like a good woman at first glance, and the most important thing was that he could tell that she was obsessed with him and that she was as tough as grass.
Why choose a woman who is obsessed with him? It's very simple, because there must be someone between them who wants to work hard for the family. He knows that his behavior is very selfish.
But he is a selfish person to begin with, and he can feel sorry for anyone except Bai Xue!
In fact, she did act as a suppressor, but it also caused him more trouble and pain, because being intimate with a woman he didn't love was very painful. He endured it and suppressed it until the Chinese New Year.
He drank too much and said something like that.
He hurt Wang Shishi and made Xue even more worried about him.
This made him want to die, feeling useless and unable to do anything well.
He likes children very much and wants to be a good father. He thinks that if he has children, he will be able to find a balance!
So he decided to have a baby, and Wang Shishi agreed to it.
He felt unspeakable guilt about Wang Shishi, and he could also feel that her infatuation with him had turned into love. Her unconditional tolerance for him made him want to let her go several times, and he couldn't bear to have her follow her.
His dark path.
But in the end, his selfishness is greater than his conscience.
Soon she became pregnant and he was very happy. He really wanted to have a child and wanted to be a good father who loved the child. Because he had expectations and pursuits, his spirit improved a lot and he felt that he had found a balance point.
.
But God is so displeased with him and always makes him unhappy when his life is a little comfortable. When he went to City A to deal with something, he encountered a mudslide!
Although he lamented his misfortune, he was also glad that it was not Xue who came. He was trapped in a small village. He knew that if no one came, he would die here. He was not afraid, and even felt relieved.
But there is still a trace of regret, regret that I can't see his child and be a good father like he said.
There was also some regret, regret for creating a life so hastily. The environment in which he grew up made him swear in his heart that if he could not give his child a sound and stable family, he would never let the child be born. He thought that this was the first time in his life.
It's something he can definitely control, but in the end, it's not something he can control!
He hoped that after he left, Wang Shishi could start a new life and find a husband and father who would be good to his children.
He never expected that Xue would take the risk to save him, nor did he expect that Su Yan would come as well. He never expected that Su Yan would be crushed and almost die trying to save him.
At that moment, he felt very guilty for wanting to kill Su Yan.
He had always felt that Su Yan was a scumbag and was not worthy of Xue, and he thought he was not good. But when he saw that he was suppressed and still worried about Xue, he realized that Su Yan loved Xue no less than he did, and Su Yan loved Xue more than he did.
He favors Tolerance Xue more.
Su Yan is such a possessive person, but he can make Xue work hard for him, and even sacrifice herself to save him in critical moments.
He knew that at that moment, Su Yan could have pulled Xue away and escaped, but he chose to save him and Bai Xue. For the first time, he felt that he was inferior to this man, and that there was no reason why Xue loved him so much.
His dedication to Xue is no less than his own.
It reminded him of the mining accident in Hotan. At that time, he was willing to give his life for Xue even before she and she had a mutual understanding. His love for Xue was really deeper than he thought, and...
For the first time, he felt convinced that he had lost.
On the way back, they encountered a fast river and an imminent flood. Xue seemed frightened and almost fell down. His heart was almost frightened to death. He held her tightly and pushed her ashore, but just
When he was about to go ashore, the flood rushed over and he was knocked down, but she caught him in time.
She held onto him so tightly and refused to let go.
He knew how much she didn't want him to die, but he also knew that God was really going to kill him this time because he really had no strength at all.
He had been prepared to die a long time ago, so he was not panicked or afraid, but just reluctant to let go. He knew that his death would make her very painful, and he was reluctant to let go.
But he had to leave eventually, because if he didn't let go, he would take her with him.
He admitted that there was a moment, really only a moment, when he had the idea of taking her away, but it only passed by in a flash. How could he be willing to let her go with him? He wanted her to live well and happily.
Stay alive!
He didn't want to make her sad, so he told her that death was a relief for him. In fact, death was really a relief for him. When he was about to die, he could finally face his heart. He thought he had found
The balance point is actually self-deception. He just suppressed those dark thoughts with all his strength. There is a saying that the more suppressed, the more he wants to resist, so he is tired, really tired.
He felt that God put him in this situation because he wanted him to die and to be freed.
He used to often blame fate for giving him such a life, but now he wants to be grateful to it for allowing snow to appear in his life and for allowing light to appear in his dark life. Thank it for allowing him to go to life.
At the end of the day, she will be there to see you off.
She begged him, let him persist, let him live. He really wanted to agree to her, and wanted to persist for her, but he really couldn't hold on anymore. The embrace of death was too warm and attractive, and he wanted to let it go.
And go.
He let go of her hand, and he heard her painful and shrill cry. He felt so distressed, so distressed, really distressed...
His life was over like this. He really hoped that there would be an afterlife, that there would be reincarnation, there would be gods and Buddhas, and he would be allowed to endure any hardships and do whatever he wanted. He just wanted to have a lifetime of love with her, so that
