"...I haven't been learning pipa for a long time."
The old man's face twitched slightly.
"I have always resisted..."
"Although that period was short, it left a deep shadow on me."
"For me, it can even be called a nightmare."
"...During that time, my family and I were always in a cold war."
"I don't dare to really go against my dad's wishes."
"But I can't bring myself to really accept learning pipa."
"Especially when someone in the class later discovered that I was learning pipa, I wasn't sure if they were just making fun of me or if I thought they were laughing at me..."
"But for me, who has been suppressed for a long time, no matter whether they have malicious intentions or not, their expressions and voices have become the last straw that breaks the camel's back."
"My first time..."
"Fighting at school."
The old man frowned.
It happened many years ago...
Speaking of it now, he seemed to still be able to vaguely recall his feelings at that time.
He was a little surprised.
"...the teacher called the parents over."
After a pause, the old man continued.
"Knowing that I was the one who made the first move and never admitting my mistake, my dad gave me a slap in the face."
The old man touched his face unconsciously.
That was the only time he was beaten.
At that time, what he cared more about than the pain of being beaten was that he was beaten by his father in front of teachers and classmates... in front of many people.
Children are very proud of themselves.
He still remembered how ashamed and angry he felt at that time.
I just feel like the whole world has collapsed.
If he hadn't been caught by his father when he ran out, he would never have been able to break free from his father's shackles...
He didn't know what he would do.
…
Children always cry and laugh easily.
It’s also easy...the sky collapses and the earth falls apart.
…
"The final result of that incident was..."
The old man recovered from his memories and came directly to the end.
"I take full responsibility."
"Those people said they were just joking."
"I didn't expect me to be so serious..."
"It's me who has a bad temper."
"He beats people at every turn."
"It's my fault."
"Everything is my fault."
…
"Although I was beaten quite badly."
The old man grinned and couldn't help but show some pride.
"But they are worse."
"They still beat me three times."
"I didn't know I was so good at fighting."
"...It's probably because I'm holding back my anger."
Even if the old man didn't know the reason at first, he figured it out later.
"I shot out of anger."
And there were no warning signs.
They were caught off guard and confused, and lost their opportunity and momentum.
He succeeded with one blow.
certainly.
When they reacted later, he was miserable.
I just feel angry in my heart and can no longer feel the pain in my body.
It feels like a "red eye".
…
The old man shook his head slightly.
When he talked about the "great achievements" in the past, he couldn't stop talking.
…
"Although my parents were invited to this fight, I was slapped in the face in public, and the teacher asked me to write a letter of apology and read it aloud in front of the whole class."
"I also apologize to those students who took action..."
In short, I did a lot of things that made the child feel embarrassed...
At one point he even didn't want to go to school anymore.
but……
The old man curled his lips.
"This fight is not without its benefits."
He glanced at the young man next to him.
"The only good thing about this fight is..."
"My father no longer forces me to learn pipa."
He has always been good at both character and study, and gets along well with his classmates.
This time he actually started fighting with someone.
It was he who took the initiative.
Everyone was surprised.
Mom came over and chatted with him for a long time.
Then, at the dinner table, his father told him...
"Since you don't want to learn pipa so much, then forget it."
…
"Actually, if my father still didn't give up, I would have skipped class."
The old man stretches his legs.
Stretched my muscles.
"I was called a parent because of a pipa fight, and was slapped by my father... I read a self-criticism in front of the whole class..."
"Apologise in public..."
"I blame Pipa for all the shame caused by this."
"If my father hadn't forced me to learn pipa, none of this would have happened."
"The source of everything is Pipa."
"At that time, my dislike of Pipa reached its peak."
"I even hate it a little bit."
"Pipa hurt me so badly."
"I have always been smooth sailing. I am a good child in the eyes of my parents, a good student in the eyes of my teachers, and a good monitor in the eyes of my classmates."
“….How afraid I am that my impression in their eyes will change after that time…”
"He turned into a bad boy who fights, a bad student."
"I'm afraid that my classmates will look at me strangely."
…
The old man looked up.
A clear blue sky came into view.
The sun shines through the gaps in the branches and leaves above.
The old man's somewhat cloudy eyes also lit up with a faint light.
…
"...I had trouble sleeping and eating during that time."
"fortunately."
"With Pipa disappearing from my life..."
"As time goes by……"
"Everything slowly returned to normal."
"My father later sent me to learn calligraphy."
"They say I have a bad temper and need to learn some things to cultivate my character and temper my temper."
"For me, as long as it's not Pipa, I'm willing to do it."
…
"Later, all the classmates in the class knew that I was good at calligraphy."
"And no one remembers that I ever learned pipa."
"My wife doesn't even know that I have learned pipa."
The old man smiled.
"certainly."
"I studied for more than two months back then, but I still had a psychology of rejection."
"I wasn't very good at studying to begin with."
"Now that so many years have passed, it's as if I never learned anything."
…
"only……"
The old man finally looked at the young man beside him again.
"I can no longer play the pipa."
"But the hatred for Pipa is deeply engraved in my heart."
"Even after all these years..."
"When I heard the sound of the pipa again..."
"I recognized it immediately."
"My temper also rose all of a sudden."
Spontaneously...
Conditioned reflex...
It's almost like a physiological reaction.
Not under the control of his own subjective consciousness.
…
"I hate Pipa."
The old man said it calmly.
First time with someone -
Still a strange child, talking about things from many years ago, the old man was immersed in his past memories, and the previous irritability gradually disappeared.