Early the next morning, Zhou Mo and I went to the airport together.
There was no farewell because we didn't tell anyone.
Just in the airport terminal, I received a WeChat message from An Lan. She said to me: "There are no obstacles in this world that you can't get over. You have to relax. I believe you can get through this.
Wait until I take Xiaoman to Beijing to see you."
Although it was such a simple sentence, it gave me great confidence that I could get through this.
After a three-hour flight, I arrived in Beijing again.
This time is different from the last time. I remember that the last time I came here was a week ago, I was relatively calm, because I was not diagnosed with gastric cancer at that time, but just came to treat amnesia.
This time, I was nervous and uneasy, but because the purpose was very clear, I didn't think too much.
Zhou Mo had already contacted the hospital for me, and we didn't delay. We went directly to the hospital after leaving the airport.
There seem to be a lot of people at Union Hospital at any time. I remember it was crowded the last time I came here, and it's the same this time.
Fortunately, we had made an appointment in advance, and with some connections, we went directly to the hospital to see a doctor who was very reputable in treating gastric diseases.
According to the initial diagnosis, I was no longer qualified for conservative treatment and had to undergo surgery to have the possibility of recovery.
For me, this is like a gamble of fate. I am definitely nervous, but I also hope that I can get rid of it once and for all through surgery.
And I have already thought about it, no matter what the final result is, this is the most difficult hurdle in my life, and I have to bite the bullet and get through it.
So, I resolutely signed the surgery responsibility form.
The surgery was scheduled for five days later, which was the fastest the doctor could achieve.
Not long after I was admitted to the hospital, I received another WeChat message from An Lan. She asked me: "Are you in Beijing?"
"We're here. The admission procedures have been completed now." I replied.
"Well, that's good. Cooperate well with the treatment. Don't think too much about anything at this time and just listen to the doctor."
"Why do I feel like a child?"
"Did you just find out now?"
I replied with an emoticon, and then said: "Don't you know? A man will be a boy until he dies."
"I hope you'll always be so optimistic."
"I will definitely be so optimistic because I have great confidence that I will be able to get through this."
"Well, come on! Wait until I bring Xiaoman to Beijing to see you."
I suddenly remembered something, and then said to her: "By the way, don't tell anyone in the company, including Gao Sheng, about me yet."
"I know, but if you can't hide it after a long time, they will always know."
"Anyway, don't tell them now. I don't want to make it too sentimental. Even if I want them to know, they have to wait until after my operation."
"Well, when are you going to have surgery?"
"The doctor said it will take five days, but the specific day is not determined."
"Okay, I'll let you know after the operation time is determined."
"Okay, then you go to work first, I have to do some tests later."
"Well, you have to eat on time, try not to lie in the hospital bed all the time, and go out and do more activities when you have time."
"I understand, you also have to eat on time. I told Yang Man that if you forget to eat while working, she will report it to me."
"Send an undercover agent next to me, right?"
"Even so, who calls you a workaholic? Everyone knows that you don't eat on time most of the time."
"Okay, this time I will make sure that you also have to be obedient and be good!"
Looking at the last sentence An Lan sent, I smiled unconsciously, and for a moment I forgot my nervousness.
I was lying comfortably on the hospital bed. The Omega Constellation watch that An Lan gave me yesterday was on the bedside table next to me.
I have a lot on my mind and have been imagining what it will be like after I recover from my illness.
Thinking, thinking, I fell into great loneliness again.
This place is no better than Chengdu. In Chengdu, at least a group of friends came back to visit me.
But here, Zhou Mo is the only person I know. If she is not here, I will have no one to talk to all day long.
Fortunately, she has almost never left since I was admitted to the hospital.
But even so, I hate the feeling of living in a hospital. Even though my ward is relatively high-end, like a hotel, it still makes me feel uncomfortable.
This feeling reminded me of the days when An Lan was imprisoned in the detention center. I wondered, would it be the same as what I feel now?
Perhaps, it is more difficult for her than me. At least I can move freely now, I can go around the downstairs of the hospital, and at least I can eat well and live well.
I have never experienced the feeling of being in jail, so I don’t know what it feels like, but I don’t want to feel this feeling in my life.
After thinking a lot, Zhou Mo suddenly peeled an apple and handed it to me and said, "What are you thinking about? Are you feeling bored?"
"It's a bit." After I took the apple, I said to her, "I can do it myself now, so don't peel it for me."
"I'm happy to," she said, again making an expression like I couldn't help her.
I smiled coquettishly and turned to her and asked, "Zhou Mo, have you ever thought about what you would tell your mother and uncle after we divorce?"
"Just say it's inappropriate. It's not difficult."
After saying that, she asked me again: "Why do you ask so suddenly?"
"I just suddenly remembered that you are such an outstanding person, a senior intellectual who graduated from Tsinghua University, and you have such a good family, but you are married to a person like me. You are about to get divorced in less than two months. If word spreads,
Won’t it have a bad impact on you?”
"This is my business, why do you care about this?"
"I just feel unworthy for you."
"I know in my heart whether it's worth it or not. I just have to have a clear conscience."
After she finished speaking, without waiting for my reply, she said to me: "Okay, stop saying these troubling words. Why are you thinking so much? You should relax now and receive treatment."
"Okay, I don't want to think so much anymore, I suddenly feel a little sleepy." I yawned and said.
"Maybe it's because of the potion. You should take a nap."
After thinking about it for a while, I fell asleep. I had another dream, and it was still related to what I had experienced.
I dreamed that my disease was not cured. The surgery was successful, but the subsequent chemotherapy was very ineffective.
As a result, my life fell into an endless abyss, and my life began to count down.
At first, I was very painful, but gradually I accepted this result.
But in my dream, An Lan left me, Zhou Mo no longer existed, and I was just a person.
Even in the dream my wife was a physically handicapped person, we had no children and no relationship.
But we never quarreled. Even if my life has entered a countdown, she will never leave me.
I felt relieved in my dream, but when I woke up, I felt extremely melancholy.
I started to become sensitive again. I hated the smell of medicines in the hospital, and even more hated the bottles and jars containing medicines, as well as the patients talking loudly in the corridor. I didn't want to stay here for a second.
But in this strange place, the only place where I can move is the hospital.
I even regret coming to Beijing for treatment. If I had chosen Chengdu, at least I could find someone to talk to, even a fellow patient.
It wasn't until I received a call from An Lan that I came out of this garbage mood.