A few hours later, An Lan came to the hospital again and brought me chicken soup, which was stewed with yam and corn.
She sat next to the hospital bed, holding a spoon and feeding me spoonfuls.
In fact, I could do it by myself now, but she wouldn't let me move. When she saw some soup spilling from the corner of my mouth, she hurriedly used a tissue to wipe it away for me.
That meticulous look not only reminds me of my mother.
I remember when I was a child, one year I had severe pneumonia, and my mother carried me on her back and ran to several hospitals before I was cured.
During that time, she devoted almost everything to me. She didn't even bother to eat. Sometimes she only ate one steamed bun a day. She always stayed by my side.
But since she passed away, the woman beside me has been An Lan. She seems to be sent by God to save me.
She doesn't mind that I'm divorced, she doesn't mind that I was so poor back then, and she doesn't mind that I'm so many years older than her.
We have been through so many years of ups and downs together, and looking back now, everything seems to be in fast forward.
In just a blink of an eye, the season changes.
"Can I go for a walk later?" I asked An Lan after finishing the chicken soup.
"You're still so weak, so don't go out for a walk. If you want to go, just walk around in the ward."
"That's okay. Can you go sit on the balcony for a while? I don't want to smell the smell of the hospital all the time."
An Lan nodded, then took out a scarf from his bag, wrapped it around my neck, and then shook the hospital bed.
My situation was sudden, so it went away quickly. I am now fully able to get off the ground and walk on my own. Although my energy is not very good, my consciousness is still very clear.
An Lan still supported me and came to the balcony.
She went to find a chair for me to sit down, and I asked her again: "Can I have a cigarette?"
She immediately rolled her eyes at me and said, "You just want to smoke, right?"
I sneered and said, "Just one stick, half a stick is fine."
"Then just half a bottle, you wait for me to get it for you."
She returned to the ward, took out a cigarette from my pants pocket, then came to the balcony and handed the cigarette to me.
I took it from her and she helped me light the fire.
I took a deep breath, and the familiar smell of nicotine spread all around us instantly.
I took another deep breath and subconsciously raised my head to look at the black onyx-like night sky. The stars were twinkling in a pleasing way, and the light swayed into my sight.
An Lan kept paying attention to the cigarette between my fingers, until she took it away for me when I was halfway through smoking.
But I felt like it was half full before I took two puffs.
I felt like time suddenly became longer, as if it was just a moment, but half of it was half as good.
I raised my head again and looked at the deep night sky, and finally said to An Lan: "Did you see that star? It's the brightest one."
An Lan looked in the direction of my finger, nodded and said, "What's wrong?"
"Do you think there is life on that planet? Is there so much birth, aging, sickness and death?"
An Lan didn't answer. I didn't know what she was thinking. She just kept looking up at the brightest star in the night sky.
In her silence, I asked her again: "In comparison, are they small, or are we sitting here small?"
"We... compared with them, we are just two dust particles falling into the world." She finally replied.
I gently hugged her shoulders and asked softly: "Then how big can our pain be? No matter how big it is, it can't be bigger than two grains of dust, right?"
An Lan was silent for a while, then nodded and replied: "Our pain comes from taking ourselves and the people around us too seriously, but...pain itself is an illusory thing. Decades later, we
They no longer exist in this world, and the pain that pricks us to pieces has no evidence of its existence..."
"Pain itself is an illusion..."
I repeated what she said and said with a smile: "This is a good saying. There is no pain in people themselves, so why not take everything lightly? No matter how good or bad life is, it is just a touch of dust in the end."
"Why are you so negative all of a sudden? Don't be negative, okay? Stay optimistic."
"There is no negativity. I actually say this because I hope you can be more optimistic, because...you still have a long life in the future."
An Lan suddenly lowered his head and murmured: "My life is still long, but for me, it means nothing to you if you go back."
My nose suddenly felt a little sore, and my heart trembled.
I held her hand tightly. Her hand was a little cold.
"Are you cold? How about we go inside."
"I'm not cold. It's not like you don't know that my hands and feet will become cold in autumn and winter."
It seems so, it has been like this for the past few years, so whenever autumn and winter come these past few years, I will help her warm her bed first.
And I found that many women seem to have this situation, and I don’t know if it’s because of my aunt.
We returned to the ward, but I didn't want to lie on the hospital bed, so I sat on the sofa next to An Lan.
I put her hand in my pocket and said to her, "Is it warmer now?"
She burst into tears and choked with sobs and said, "Without you, who will warm my hands?"
When I saw her crying, I couldn't help it, and my tears instantly overflowed.
I stretched out my hand to wipe away my tears, forced a smile and said: "When I leave, you can buy an electric blanket and turn it on before going to bed at night... But after you go to bed, you have to turn it off, because many people
They say it’s not safe to sleep with the electric blanket on.”
"No matter how good the electric blanket is, it's still not as comfortable as your warm quilt!"
"But... I really can't help you warm your bed anymore."
She cried again, and cried harder.
I hugged her, patted her shoulder gently, and said softly: "Don't cry, at least I can help you warm your bed now."
She lay on my shoulder, crying painfully until her voice became hoarse.
I don't know how many times she cried in the past two days. Her eyes have always been a little swollen, and the whites of her eyes are always full of red bloodshot eyes.
She just lay on my shoulder and fell asleep.
In the past two days, it can be said that she has been too tired during this period.
She definitely didn't get a good rest because I was framed for cheating a few days ago, and she didn't get a good rest because I was hospitalized in the past two days.
After making sure she was asleep, I gently placed her on the sofa and then found a quilt to cover her.
Just when I was about to go back to the hospital bed and lie down, she suddenly reached out and grabbed me and whispered in her sleep: "Don't... don't go! Don't leave me..."
She was so insecure. Looking at her sleeping with two tears hanging from the corners of her eyes, I felt very uncomfortable.
I sat back on the sofa again, held her hand tightly, and then used a tissue to wipe the tears from the corners of her eyes.
I fell asleep next to her and held her tightly in my arms.
Fortunately, the sofa is big enough to sleep the two of us.
I was very tired, but not sleepy. I kept looking at her, and then recalled over and over again everything that had happened to us until now.