I hurt you more and more every time, from wanting to drive you away to wanting to kill you and make you completely disappear from this world, I became more and more crazy.
Later, I failed, and my elder brother hid me in Putuo, a temple in the mountains and forests.
At first I was unwilling to give up and couldn't let go of my obsession. It was the desolation of the world and you that awakened my conscience.
After my death, no one came to visit me or pay homage to me, including the Lan family who were once proud of me. They all regarded me as trash.
Only you, you not only come to visit me, but also talk to me a lot. I gradually understand that you are the most kind-hearted.
Later, when I came to you as Gillian and looked at things from a third party's perspective, I realized that Bai Guan'er is so hateful and annoying.
Unfortunately, that's how I treated you in the past.
I began to regret and realize how wrong I had done in the past. I wanted to make it up to you and atone for my sins.
I am particularly happy when I do something and see you safe and with Master Jiu.
The most impressive time was when Master Jiu took Bai Guan'er's medicine and mistook me for you in the bathroom and almost had sex with me, but I pushed him away rationally and sent him to you.
That was the only time I had close contact with Master Jiu in more than ten years. I was very disappointed and hesitant.
However, I was extremely relaxed, proud, and admired myself, especially after Master Jiu said thank you to me and looked at me with admiration. I felt prouder than ever before.
At that time, I completely understood that if you want to win someone's love and anything, you don't have to deliberately calculate and show off yourself, but rather treat the other person well from the bottom of your heart and do the right thing.
I finally understand why everyone liked you and hated me in the past.
From then on, I began to realize the true meaning and worked hard to do good things to change myself and make up for you.
The appearance of Bo Lixiao this time has brought a deep blow and separation to you and Jiu Ye. Especially when I saw Jiu Ye's mother passing away and seeing you almost falling into pregnancy depression because of this, I felt particularly sad.
As for people like Bo Lixiao, it is difficult to solve them using normal means, and it is very likely that there will be tragic consequences later.
So, I decided to die with him.
Only when he dies can everything be freed and ended.
I have no regrets or fear at all in making such a decision, because I know that what I do can make you happy and give me a little comfort in the guilt in my heart.
I owe you too.
As a sister, I have never done a thing for you, nor have I brought you any warmth.
This time, let me order something for you.
Xixi, you once said that you wanted to go shopping and watch movies with me and be as simple and happy as ordinary sisters. I really thought about it that year when I knew you.
Then, I think about it very much now...
I want to tell you that my sister knows she is wrong.
I want to hold you and sincerely say sorry to you. My sister has made you suffer...
After I get your forgiveness, I want to hold your hand, go shopping with you, drink a cup of milk tea, and eat a dessert...
I want to wear the same sister outfit as you so that people can’t tell you from me.
I want to take a photo with you and post it in the circle of friends so that everyone can envy us. We are twin sisters.