I thought about it for a long time, and finally picked up the phone. I found that my hands were shaking a little. I didn't know why I was so excited.
The phone call ended, and my words immediately blurted out, "Sister, I saw your appointment. It was in a party building magazine."
But she said to me, her voice was very soft, "I'm in a meeting, I'll call you later."
I said: "Oh." At the same time, I also heard the voice of someone talking on her side from the phone. I regretted my excitement and impulsiveness just now: if I had known earlier, I should have sent her a text message.
She hung up the phone, and the excitement I felt just now came to an abrupt end.
I didn't know when she would call me, so I started to become irritable. I didn't know why I became so irritable, I really didn't know why.
I started pacing irritably in the office. I was thinking, maybe it’s because I care about her too much, because everything I have now is given to me by her. Maybe it’s because of Shangguan Qin, because I really don’t know what the future will be like.
How to continue to contact Lin Yu and maintain the relationship.
Lin Yu once told me: Relationships can be maintained in many ways. His words are simple to say, but I feel it is so difficult at the moment.
Of course, the easiest way is to no longer have an intimate relationship with Lin Yu. I thought in my heart: I hope she will no longer have such demands on me from now on. However, I know that this is completely self-deception on my part.
I am an obstetrician and gynecologist, and I certainly understand what the greatest needs of a woman, a lonely, lonely woman are.
Lin Yu is an official, an official with a high rank and position. Although she must pay attention to the influence, as a woman, she is equally afraid of loneliness and isolation. Because of this, she always stays in situations where she thinks it is safe.
Want me to go to her because she needs it.
For me, to be honest, from a purely sexual perspective, I have no special needs for her, but I do have feelings for her. I know this very well in my heart, because every time I am with her,
There was no feeling of disgust when we were together, and I never felt disgusted afterwards. My body and heart will not deceive me. I have no doubt about this.
She called me about an hour later. She smiled and asked me: "Feng Xiao, why do you read a magazine like that?"
At this moment, the restlessness in my heart just now disappeared. "Sister, I just wrote the application for joining the party."
She continued to laugh, "Really? That's great. You know you've made progress, I'm so happy."
I said: "Sister, were you really transferred to the Organization Department? When exactly did it happen?"
She smiled and said: "Not long ago. You were reading the latest issue of the magazine, right?"
Then I hurriedly looked at the cover of the magazine and said, "Yes. It's from the latest issue."
She said: "I guess so. Feng Xiao, how are you? Are you getting used to the work in the new unit?"
I said: "It's okay. It's just that a lot of things have happened recently, which has made me very busy. A vice president was double-checked because of the incident involving Secretary Qiu of the Department of Health, and there was also a vice president who was a few years ago.
God committed suicide. Alas!"
I don’t know why, but I suddenly became talkative.
She said: "I know about your vice president who was double-regulated. What? You also have a vice president who committed suicide? How come I didn't know? The Health Department should have reported this to us. Although your hospital
The vice-president is only at the division level, but as the Organization Department of the Provincial Party Committee, he should keep abreast of the latest developments of cadres? What is the Department of Health doing?"
I said, "Maybe they have already reported it? It's just that you haven't seen it yet."
She smiled and said: "That's probably it. By the way, are you free tonight? If you are free, come to my house, around 9:30 in the evening. Oh, I have someone here, someone is knocking on the door. That's it.
That’s settled, you can push other things aside.”
Before I could speak, I heard her suddenly loud voice coming from the phone, "Come in!" Immediately, she hung up the phone.
At this moment, I suddenly regretted: Why did I make this call to her? But then I thought: This will happen sooner or later. What I need to consider urgently now is how to face her tonight and how to reject her.
.Also, at nine o'clock in the evening...what should I tell Shangguanqin then? How can I prevent her from doubting me?
After thinking for a while, I picked up the phone and called the deputy director of the hospital office, "Please give me a call at nine o'clock in the evening to remind me. I'm worried that I will forget to discuss the project with the district government.
.You must remember it.”
I went to Shangguanqin's residence immediately after get off work. She had already bought the groceries, and I quickly made dinner. While eating, I told her: "I can't go to the movies with you tonight, I can only go for a walk." .”
She asked me in surprise: "Is there a difference? Why?"
She asked me two different questions, and I answered: "In the evening I am going to discuss the project with the mayor of the district where our hospital is located, and we have made an appointment to have tea. If I want to watch a movie, I'm afraid
If you don’t finish it, you have to leave. It doesn’t matter if you take a walk.”
She said: "Oh. Well, let's go for a walk."
At this time, I suddenly remembered what Ning Xiangru told me today about her analysis of Shangguan Qin. After thinking about it, I asked her in front of me, "Xiao Qin, do you think we can really last long?"
She immediately looked at me with alert and doubtful eyes, "What do you mean? Why are you asking me this question?"
I suddenly became nervous. I found that I had been impulsive just now, and my impulsiveness came from worry. I said: "Xiaoqin, I find that the longer I am with you, the more worried and scared I am, because I
I already like you. You are so outstanding, but I am so mediocre. Besides, I am a man who has been married twice and has children. I am really afraid of losing you now."
She looked at me and immediately smiled, "You are so stupid, how could you suddenly think of such a problem? I am already yours, what are you worried about?"
I shook my head slightly, "Xiaoqin, no one in this world is really the same person. Only two people can have each other forever, and it's not just physical possession, but spiritual communication. Physical communication.
Possession is only temporary, because that kind of happiness is also temporary, and our bodies will grow old one day. Do you think so?"
She looked at me and said, "What you said is so good."
I sighed, "Xiaoqin, I have been married twice, but I still cheated on my wife in both marriages. Now that I think about it, there is a part of me that is dissolute, but more importantly, I have no real responsibility.
shoulder the responsibility as a husband. Why don’t I have that responsibility? In fact, in the final analysis, the relationship between me and them is not that pure. My first wife was Zhao Menglei, she was my middle school classmate and the most important person in my life.
The first woman I liked, but when we met again, she was already married. Although I married her later, and I believed that I loved her, there was always a shadow in my heart because of her.
She is a married woman. And it was this shadow that caused me to betray her. And because of this, she indulged in my indulgence. Xiaoqin, our situation is also the same now, I can be sure
, there is also that kind of shadow in your heart. I have really experienced this kind of thing myself, and because of this, I am particularly worried that my past will happen again between us."
She looked at me with tenderness in her eyes, "No, I won't. There was indeed a shadow in my heart at the beginning, but it's different now. I really regard myself as your woman.
Laugh, don’t worry, I will never do anything to make you sorry. You are a man, and I know that as men, your face is more important than anything else. This is the most fundamental difference between men and women, so,
I won’t do that. Laugh, you are still an obstetrician and gynecologist. Why do you understand us women so little? Do you think we women can sleep with other men casually? Yes, today’s society is not the same as before.
Now, I'm much more open-minded. Many women just go to bed with other men for money or other things, but I don't. Laugh, I admit that the first time I did that with you was out of necessity, in order to complete the assignment given by the chairman.
My mission was to repay him, but I also wanted to be with you? To marry you? At that time, I thought, since I have to hand myself over to you sooner or later, why not do it earlier? So, you simply
Don’t worry about that, really.”
I felt a little more at ease in my heart. At the same time, I thought to myself: Now that I have said everything to this extent, I should continue to ask her the question that I have always been confused about, "Xiaoqin, I really
I don’t know how you overcame your aversion to me. Do you know? I have been rejecting you because I don’t want to blaspheme you. I am really too dissolute, but you are in my
You just had sex with that woman and you gave yourself to me, and you were still a virgin at the time. Xiaoqin, I really can’t imagine how you overcame that disgusting feeling. Now, every day
When I think of this incident, I feel even more sorry for you."
Her expression turned gloomy, "Smile, stop talking. I know it all. It was my fault that night, and I shouldn't have drugged you. I know the reason why you rejected me, because I completely understood you before.
What kind of person you are, but the more you do that, the more I appreciate you because of your sincere respect for me. And I was very worried about you that night, worried about what big problems you would have after taking that drug.
In fact, I was driving behind you. When I saw you taking a taxi and leaving, I continued to follow you, and then followed you all the way to the hotel that belonged to our group. Laugh, you don’t know, I cried in the hotel lobby at that time.
It's amazing... Later, I also asked for a room, right next to yours. At that time, I really wanted to die. Fortunately, you are very good to me now, so I
That’s enough. Laugh, let’s not talk about this matter again, okay?”
When she said this, tears were streaming down her face, and then she knelt down on the dining table.
I suddenly felt heartache.
But I thought to myself: Since the topic has been opened, and since we have talked to this extent, it is best to finish everything. So, I immediately hardened my heart and continued: "Xiaoqin, you
Listen to me slowly. I want to say everything I want to say to you at once today. From now on, we will never talk about such things again. Okay? Because I know that if the psychological shadow between us is not
If we eliminate it, there will be problems between us sooner or later."
She didn't speak. The fact that I put her in this situation was her tacit consent for me to continue talking. I looked at her hair where she was crawling and said: "I talked about Zhao Menglei earlier. Now I will say
Let’s talk about Chen Yuan…”
However, as soon as I said this, she suddenly raised her head, her eyes full of tears, "Smile, please stop talking. I beg you, please stop talking, okay?"
I fell silent for a moment and couldn't help but sigh secretly.
She stood up immediately, and then silently cleared away the dishes on the table. I was still looking at her, and then I went to clear away the dishes with her.
When we went to the kitchen together, she wiped away her tears quickly, and she said to me: "Smile, I'll do it. I'll finish washing it quickly. Let's go for a walk later."
At this moment, I regretted it again. I felt that I should not have told her those things today. However, her reaction and attitude at the moment made me very happy, because she did not change anything because of it.
I said, "You go out and rest for a while. I'll wash the dishes."
She was really obedient, washed her hands immediately, and then went out. Before she went out, she smiled lightly at me.
However, I found that her smile just now had an unspeakable sadness.
I washed the dishes carefully and slowly in the kitchen, just as carefully and meticulously as I did when I had surgery. This is not my habit when doing housework. I was thinking about things.
Now I am thinking: What should I tell Lin Yu when I go to her place in a while?
But I painfully discovered that I had no idea at all, and there was still some hesitation in my heart. I knew very well that this was the desire deep in my heart that was at work. In the so-called ideal and love
On the scale, I am still swinging. (To be continued)