I didn't go to Tong Yao to apply for a passport for me. I've been ashamed to see her after what happened last time, and I'm still afraid to see her now.
To this day, I don’t know why I had so much courage that day to violate her in that place and under such circumstances. Maybe it’s because I have always been reluctant to let go of her in my heart.
In fact, I still know it myself, that is, in my heart, the only person I really like now is her. Maybe in my heart now, she is the only woman who can be my wife. Yes, that's true,
Because I have assumed to myself more than once: If one day I can really get married to her, I will be willing to change everything for her.
Unfortunately, the person in her heart is not me.
Therefore, I feel even more sad now, because I really feel the cruelty of the world. I really hope to pursue true love, but my true love is so far away from me, and it is still so unattainable.
And there are some things that I don't want, such as decadence and sentimentality, but they find themselves in me time and time again, making it impossible for me to avoid or escape, and can only make myself decadent again and again.
I know that maybe there is an abyss not far ahead of me, but now I simply can't control myself from continuing to run towards it.
There is only sighing and helplessness.
I called the new office director of my unit, Meng Zhiren, and asked her to help me get a passport for Austria as soon as possible.
Although this is a private matter, for a top leader like me, I can no longer distinguish between official matters and private matters. And I also wanted to take the opportunity to examine her work ability.
She didn't talk much, but she had a good attitude. After I told her, she agreed repeatedly, and then asked me for relevant documents. Finally, she said to me: "Director Feng, you must go to the public security agency to sign in person at the last moment.
"
Of course I know this program.
After she left, I found that there was still more than an hour before I got off work. Now I regret arranging the dinner tonight. In fact, in the final analysis, it was the result of my impulse at the time.
I locked the door of the office, then lay down on the sofa to rest. The passion with Ruan Jie at noon consumed too much of my energy, and now I feel even more exhausted.
I dreamed——
In my dream, a boy about seven or eight years old appeared. He was so dark and thin that he did not look like a yellow race. He was standing on the roof of a temple. The roof was surrounded by powerful figures with loaded guns.
The foreign soldiers had cold faces under their cold helmets. They stood on guard around the roof of the temple, as if to prevent anyone from intruding.
The child's face was very dark and thin, but I seemed to be able to find some shadows of Chen Yuan on his face. The child was wearing a white robe and was performing some kind of religious ceremony on the top of the temple with a pious face -
He placed a small ivory tower on the ground, placed some tributes in front of the small ivory tower, and then knelt down and kowtowed.
Then, he took out a page that looked like a scripture. After he put the page that looked like a scripture on the ground, he pricked his finger with a fine needle, and then I saw in the dream
The blood on his fingers fell drop by drop on the scripture-like thing.
And at that moment, I found that the soldiers around him disappeared out of thin air. But I suddenly appeared in front of him.
However, he seemed unable to see me, because I clearly felt that he regarded me as air. He stood up, raised his head, and stretched out his tiny arms toward the sky. He was questioning God: "
It’s been several years, so many times, why can’t I ascend?!”
I was suddenly stunned and couldn't help but ask him: "You, what are you doing?"
He saw me, because he was looking sideways at me, "Who are you? What are you doing here?"
I wasn't sure whether he was my son or not, so I said, "My name is Feng Xiao. Have you heard of my name?"
He looked at me with strange eyes, "Why are you called Feng Xiao? I am Feng Xiao!"
In the dream, I suddenly understood at this moment: He turned out to be myself when I was a child! The me today and the me when I was a child are actually in the same time and space at the same time!
At this moment, an unusual and strange feeling suddenly came to my heart. I immediately walked towards him, then squatted down and looked at her carefully: Is this me when I was a child? How could I be like that at that time?
Is such that?
And at this moment, the soldiers who suddenly disappeared in front suddenly appeared not far in front of us, and they were shooting at us! I could clearly see the impact of the bullets fired from their muzzles.
A trajectory like a meteor flying by.
I was shocked and woke up from my dream.
That child...how could he be myself when I was a child? He is clearly my son! In my dream, he was so eager for me to save him. And I told myself in the dream:
He is your flesh and blood, and you and your child are one!
At this moment, I felt so uncomfortable in my heart, because I understood my deep subconscious worry - can I save my child?
Save? Why did I think of this word? Why wasn’t it “with” or another word?
I slept for almost an hour. There was already a knock on the door, and the voice of the old director calling me. I guess the gunfire that came from my dream just now was the knock on the door that came to me in my dream.
the result of.
I immediately went to open the office door.
The old director came in, "Why did you lock the door? Are you feeling uncomfortable?"
I nodded, "Yeah. I feel a little uncomfortable. Maybe it's because I've been too tired recently. Also, I drank too much some time ago."
The old director looked at me with concern, "Then you should drink less tonight. I noticed that you didn't look well during lunch. My driver has something urgent at home today, so I'll take your car and go to dinner with you."
I smiled at him, "Then let's go. But I'm going to drink tonight anyway, because I'm happy and it's necessary."
He said: "That's true."
In fact, I was a little worried just now. After all, I did something like that with Ruan Jie at noon today. And just now the old director suddenly knocked on the door of my office, which made me feel a little frightened.
But judging from the situation at this time, my worries seem to be somewhat unnecessary. I know that if there is any trouble in that matter, the old director will definitely come to remind me or criticize me. Because of the relationship between us now
It has reached a very unusual level.
There are more than a dozen division-level cadres in our unit. Today, the office has arranged two tables at Nanyuan Restaurant. In fact, my idea for today’s dinner was not just to welcome and send off the team members. I also wanted to observe further tonight.
Let’s take a look at the real faces of all the division-level cadres in the unit. My idea is very simple: their attitude towards the merchants who left our unit may be able to explain some problems, and there is also their behavior after drinking. Speaking the truth after drinking, drunk
I completely believe in this statement about the nature of post-emergence.
Of course, Shang Longxing is now the director of the Organization Department of the Provincial Party Committee with actual power. They may not show any disrespect to her, but I believe that in today's atmosphere, everyone will drink freely.
However, I have to take the lead when it comes to drinking today. Creating an atmosphere is also a top-notch job. Such an occasion can also be regarded as part of our work, or a continuation.
The wine I ordered was Maotai. First, because the old director likes to drink this stuff, and secondly, the Maotai here is more authentic. Besides, I recently asked the financial department of my unit, and they told me that the unit has a lot of money in its account.
For a unit like ours, the money we get from both the state allocation and our own income is very abundant. The part of our own income can be used for the welfare of employees, but the state allocation cannot be distributed casually.
Employees. This part of the money can only be used for unit office expenses in a reasonable way. As the provincial supervision and audit department, what they mainly want to audit is only the use of this part of the funds.
The problem now is that our unit still has a lot of money allocated by the state. The money is not saved after I got here, but the result of years of accumulation when the old director was in office. In fact, how much money does this have?
How much? Even the leaders of the Provincial Education Commission don't know about this matter, because we don't have to report such things to them, and they don't have the power to interfere with us too much. We are a department under dual leadership. In fact,
In the end, it's just two things, equivalent to an independent kingdom.
I only learned about the real situation recently, because I have never been sure of the situation since I arrived at this unit. Thinking of Governor He transferring money from us, the Provincial Education Commission also tried to reach out to us, so I must find out what is going on in my unit as soon as possible.
How much money does the family have?
At that time, I was shocked when the Director of Finance told me the amount in the account: He told me that the balance of the financial appropriations we had saved over the years was over 30 million!
Of course I won't express my gratitude to the old director in person, but I think it is completely appropriate to provide him with more real Moutai drinks from now on. After all, most of the money was left by him, no matter who
At that time, I didn’t know how to spend it or didn’t dare to spend it. (To be continued)