At this moment, I was like an addict. Not only was I addicted to such hesitation and pain, but I also led her into my own path.
In fact, our desires have the same function as drugs, they are all for catharsis. However, the terrible thing about drugs is that many people know how terrible they are, so most people will stay away from them. But the inherent desire of each of us is
It exists in our souls and is closely connected with our physical feelings, such as our desire for beautiful women and money. These desires often come to us suddenly without our knowledge, making people vent their emotions.
Only later did I know how to regret it.
This is how I am at the moment. I know clearly that I can't have sex with Udon Mei again, but her temptation to me is so strong that I think I have found several reasonable reasons to have fun with her again.
However, after I finished venting, I realized something: I seemed to have made another mistake.
The seriousness of the problem is: at this moment, I clearly know that I have made a mistake that I shouldn't make, but I am looking for reasons for the next mistake - today I am doing it for the good of me and her in the future...
.
But I have realized this problem of mine, so after I finished all the venting, I said to her: "Dongmei, we should not interact with each other again in the future, unless you are no longer the leader.
The nanny.”
Maybe I was too careful. I never mentioned the words "Governor Huang" in front of her tonight.
Then I drove her back to the gate of the Medical University. Before she got off the car, she said to me: "Teacher Feng, thank you."
I didn't answer her, because I knew that what she thanked me for was not the fun we had tonight, but my disillusionment with her concept again. She thanked me because she needed it.
I believe one thing: maybe she hasn't realized that she is different as a woman.
In fact, regarding today's events, I really believe in destiny, because I have to think about a question: What if I didn't come to the Medical University tonight, or we had dinner outside the Conservatory of Music at the beginning?
, then it would be impossible for me to meet Udon Mei and her boyfriend. Then, many things that follow are likely to develop in another direction.
But after this incident happened, it also affected another thing - today Chenchen finally came with me to see the place I helped her find. Maybe she will slowly develop a feeling for me from now on.
It's hard to say how good she is. But because of Udon Mei's sudden appearance, she ended up going home alone.
Maybe, it was impossible for Chenchen and I to have anything happen in the first place, so it didn't matter whether Udonmei appeared or not. Then, I thought of another most likely situation.
In the final analysis, it is still the same sentence: There are too many unknowns in each of our lives, and the words "maybe" and "if" are meaningless to any of our lives.
Suddenly I thought of what Secretary Zhang said to me today, and I felt that I had suddenly gained a lot of insights into life.
However, I was very lucky to meet and discover this matter. Perhaps this is another kind of God's favor for me.
Now, I truly realize something: a person's destiny is really something that can never be controlled by oneself. Because we will encounter a lot of necessities and accidents, but we can't distinguish which ones are inevitable and which ones are accidental.
.
Many things must only be realized after they have happened, or even many years after they happened, when we look back and realize: Oh, it turns out that this thing had been predicted for a long time. Unfortunately, I didn't know it at all, and I didn't understand it at all.
Maybe this is our life, maybe it is precisely because of so many unknowns in life that each of our lives becomes so wonderful.
I kept feeling this way while driving home. I found that I have become really sentimental now, and I seem to have become a philosopher and like to think about life alone.
Am I really old?
I know that such issues should only be considered by the elderly, such as the current old director.
But I am still different, at least I will not think about such problems all the time. I fell asleep quickly after returning home. I immediately felt that I was still relatively young, because I am still so forgetful.
I didn't go to the office the next morning. I checked all my luggage at home. In fact, my mother had prepared many of my things for me. I just checked them again.
I had a meal with my parents at noon. They took my trip very seriously. Although I often don't go home, they know that I am not far from them. But this time they
Got it, the place I want to go is on the other side of the earth.
Zhong Feng and I made an appointment: I would drive to pick her up at 1:30 noon.
I set off on time ten minutes after one o'clock, and my parents sent me outside the house. I saw my mother was crying. At this moment, I suddenly felt a sense of sadness in my heart.
At 1:20 noon, when I drove out of the community and merged into the torrent of cars on the city avenue, I suddenly received a call from Governor He.
"Xiao Feng, can you go out again in a few days?"
I was surprised because I didn't expect that Governor He would make such a phone call to me at this time, and even say such a sentence to me on the phone.
According to my understanding, her words seemed to be a command.
But I don't want to change my decision casually.
People around me may think that I am a cowardly and casual person, because I rarely lose my temper at work, and my usual style is relatively gentle. At least I rarely show that I am very powerful in front of my boss.
That side of my personality. But I know it myself: I have something called "stubbornness" in my bones.
This kind of stubbornness has been deeply suppressed by me and is difficult to show under normal circumstances. However, it may pop up inadvertently after drinking or in front of people I know very well.
I used to think that my stubbornness was a kind of arrogance, but later I realized that this was my most hidden nature. When I made mistakes when I was a child, my father beat me and asked me to admit my mistakes. But at that time, I
He would rather be beaten and cry than admit that he was wrong. As a result, his father always gave up because he was soft-hearted.
In many of the relationships I maintained, many actually had an element of gratitude in them, and it was this element of gratitude that suppressed the stubbornness in my heart. Then as time went by, I slowly fell from gratitude.
, and then started to indulge. In fact, I have something in common with Udon Mei on this point - since this is already the case, let's continue like this.
It is difficult for a person to persevere, but it is very easy to indulge. Because there is one thing in our human nature that is best at convincing ourselves, and this thing is called desire.
Maybe because I had something like that with Governor He, my true nature was revealed deep in my heart unconsciously, and my stubbornness suddenly came to the fore.
I answered her without thinking: "Governor He, I'm on my way to the airport. Did something important happen in the unit? Why didn't I know?"
She said: "That's not the case. That's right, in a few days I will lead an inspection team to Europe, and I can include you as a member of the inspection team. So I hope you can wait a few days."
I understood immediately. At this moment, I felt an instinctive aversion to her proposal. I said, "Governor He, if it weren't for this national admissions conference, I would have gone out long ago.
.If I delay my child's affairs for one more day, my hope will be slimmed down. I'm sorry, Governor He, but I can't delay any longer. My wife is no longer alive. As a father, I must find the child as soon as possible.
Come. Please understand me."
She said: "I understand your thinking. But I think since you have been delayed, if the child is still there, he will still be there if he is delayed for a few more days. If the child has been taken away from that place, even if
You can't find it even if you go now. To be honest, I think you went out this time just to give yourself a sense of peace of mind. Xiao Feng, do you think what I said is right?"
I disagreed, "Governor He, I don't think so. If I missed the chance to find the child because I arrived there a day late, I will never forgive myself in this life. Besides, you will lead a delegation to Europe."
You don’t have to go to Austria. After you finish all your work, you won’t know what day it is. It’s impossible for me to leave the delegation as soon as I arrive in Europe. That would be bad for you and me. Do you think so?
"
She sighed, "Okay. Maybe I was wrong. Xiao Feng, I wish you a safe journey, and I hope you can find your child."
I thanked her profusely. In fact, I knew that it was not that she had any bad intentions, but that her heart was no longer peaceful. At this moment, I was very happy, because at least for the first time I truly successfully rejected her.
After picking up Zhong Feng, I handed the steering wheel to her. She asked me in surprise why, and I smiled and said I still had to make two more phone calls. She immediately laughed and said, "You, why do you have so many things to do?"
Why not? The first thing you do when you go out this time is to find your child, and the second thing you do is play. Feng Xiao, let me tell you first, if we find your child this time, of course we should have fun abroad.
But if you can’t find it, you have to listen to me. We should have more fun. Otherwise, you will feel even more uncomfortable when you come back. What do you think?"
I thought what she said made sense, so I smiled bitterly and said, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I still hope to find them."
She looked at me and said, "I hope so."
I found that her eyes were full of endless sincerity, and her sincerity immediately made me feel a different kind of warmth.
I have to call the driver today, but I don’t want anyone to know that I went abroad with a woman. After all, my trip was private. This is often the case: rumors often cover up the true nature of the matter.
For example, when I went abroad this time, I was really going to look for my child, but it was probably rumored to be a sexy vacation because of Zhong Feng’s participation. Of course I don’t want this to be the result.
.
It seemed like it was my first time to see Zhong Feng driving, but I found that her skills seemed to be pretty good. I also found that she drove a bit fast, and she often overtook cars without following the rules. I reminded her hastily: "Don't be so fast.
, there’s still enough time.”
She then began to slow down the car.
I wondered in my heart: They have all died once, why are they still like this?
But when I saw her slowing down and starting to drive cautiously, I didn't think much about it. Then I took out my phone and started texting Lin Yu. I could have made a call, but I thought of her next to me.
Yes, so I still chose the text message method.
Sister, I'm off. I'm on my way to the airport.
She didn’t reply. I thought she might be taking a nap. Then I sent another message: President Wu of the Medical University is a very nice person.
After editing this text message, I suddenly felt that I was a little busy, but I immediately thought that he was indeed suitable for that position, and he was also very good to me, so I still hesitated to send this text message. (To be continued)