Now, I understand that Zhu Dan was asking me why I was so unsympathetic.
Today, I saw her with the guy named Song Yang, but I showed a kind of indifference. And during the entire meal until now, I have never taken the initiative to call her or send her a message.
A text message. If I were her, I would definitely think so. Because my behavior today completely made her feel that I was indifferent to her emotions, and it showed that I didn't care about losing her.
And she must have been waiting for me to call or send her a text message tonight. She must have gotten impatient and thought my dinner should be over, so she couldn't help but send me this text message.
At this moment, I felt a sense of guilt and tenderness in my heart. Because I felt her true love for me. I knew that it was precisely because she cared about me that she acted like this.
Come and question me.
And it was precisely because I thought of her true feelings for me that I made the final decision at this moment: I must leave her without hesitation. Only in this way can I be truly good to her, otherwise I will harm her.
Unless I agree to marry her. But I know this is impossible, unless I am willing to give up everything I have now for her, or I am willing for her to give up her future career path.
If I choose to marry Zhu Dan now, I must no longer have that kind of relationship with Lin Yu, otherwise Zhu Dan is likely to become the next victim, or our marriage will not last long. In this case
, Lin Yu will certainly not change my current status much, but he may not necessarily help me like before. I think this is inevitable.
It's not that I think Lin Yu is too realistic, but that I already know her very well. I feel that Lin Yu has true feelings for me, because since I met her, she has almost always supported me unconditionally in everything I do.
You know, even I would not do this for someone. This is already very clear. And she is a woman. Although she can tolerate me dating other women, she will never do it because of me.
Give up her completely for another woman.
Of course, I can try that, but I don't dare to do it, because it is actually a gamble, and the chance of winning for me is extremely small.
In fact, a person's decision is often made in a short period of time. Just after Zhu Dan said those words to me, I immediately made up my mind. Because such a decision has long been formed in my heart.
, and I have already analyzed the reasons. Moreover, I have already made a decision on this matter, but today's events have shaken my determination and caused a ripple in my heart.
.
I immediately said: "Zhu Dan, we will not have a good result, because I can't give you what you need most. This is marriage. I'm sorry."
The sound of her heavy breathing came from the phone, and then came her slightly choked voice, "Why?"
The discomfort in my heart suddenly emerged, but I tried my best to keep my voice calm and calm. I said: "Didn't I tell you before? I have been since the first day of our relationship.
I tell you. Zhu Dan, I am an unlucky person, and anyone who marries me will have a bad end. Several women have suffered misfortune because of their marriage to me, and I don’t want you to be like that."
She was crying softly, "That's superstition. You shouldn't be superstitious..."
I said softly: "Zhu Dan, you are not me, and you cannot understand the pain I have endured when I faced all that. Therefore, it is best for us to separate now. Although I feel very sad, I can only do this.
.Zhu Dan, you are still young, I hope you can be happy."
After she was silent for a moment, she said softly to me: "Smile, why don't you ask me what the relationship between this person and me today is?"
There was an uncomfortable feeling in my heart again, and there was a cramping feeling in my stomach. My mouth was also bitter and sour. I tried my best to control these complicated emotions again, and spoke softly to her.
Said: "Zhu Dan, as long as you think he is suitable. What else can I say?"
She doesn't speak.
I thought about it and continued: "Zhu Dan, I don't know how to tell you this matter. In fact, the emotions between people are both complicated and relatively simple at the same time. It is said that the first people created by God were all
It was androgynous, but he found that such a person was extremely powerful and terrifying, so he divided the person into two halves, which are the men and women we have now.
Therefore, each of us has been looking for our own half throughout our lives. Obviously, it has been confirmed that I am not your half, and you are not my half, so we cannot be together forever. Zhu Dan, if you find out who is
As for your half, the real half, don’t hesitate anymore. The longer I am with you, the greater the pain between us will be. Zhu Dan, do you understand what I mean?"
She hung up the phone.
And at this moment, the pain in my heart suddenly came. I felt my heart was stinging, and an unspeakable pain suddenly enveloped me in an instant. I felt my tears begin to surge.
And out.
In fact, I know the real purpose of her asking me to make this call just now - she is hoping that I will change my mind and get the last chance. But I did not give her this last chance, and at the same time I gave my last chance.
The opportunity was cruelly wiped out.
I didn't dare to let my sorrowful voice sound, because I didn't want my mother to worry about me, so I just cried silently. After a long time, I got into the bed, turned off the light, and put the quilt on my head. I wanted to
Endless darkness envelopes me... Now, I don't even have the right to cry.
Later, I fell asleep, but suddenly woke up in the middle of the night. I didn't know why, and after I woke up, I couldn't fall asleep again. At this time, I found that the quilt covering my head had long since disappeared.
At what point did it move to the lower part of my neck? Could it be that deep down in my heart I was afraid of the dark? That’s why I escaped from the endless darkness in my sleep?
I opened my eyes, and the room was completely dark, but there was light coming in from the window. I knew it was part of the light coming from the street lights in the community. At this time, everything in front of me was shadowy, and I could feel the room.
Where every piece of furniture is located, the windows are open, and a breeze is coming in. The breeze blows the curtains and flutters gently. The fluttering of the curtains makes the dark room a little lively.
I tried to close my eyes and let myself fall asleep again, but after a while, I suddenly felt a kind of irritability in my mood. After a while, I slowly opened my eyes...
And the moment I opened my eyes, I suddenly felt that my heart almost stopped beating, because I found a scary, human-like silhouette shaking in the window of the room.
And I didn’t feel that it was a person at all in my consciousness. At this moment, a scary word suddenly appeared in my mind: ghost...
My breathing almost stopped, and I was filled with tension and fear.
But I immediately found that my body could not move at all, and I immediately understood that I was in a nightmare. I am a medical student, and I know that this situation is the result of my light sleep: most of my brain has entered a sleep state.
, but my cerebral cortex is still excited, so my body cannot move but my vision is in the same state as when I am awake.
I know how to really wake up in such a situation and how to return to reality from this terrible nightmare. The method is very simple, that is to divert one's attention. But in a nightmare state
To divert attention, people must have strong conscious self-control, and the best way to achieve sufficient self-control is to fantasize about the details of sex.
I closed my eyes and began to imagine that I was with Zhu Dan at this time: Zhu Dan was beside me at this time, and she was touching my breasts with her gentle hands... Under my fantasy,
Her existence is so real.
I couldn't see her face. I wanted to see her clearly, so I immediately stretched out my hand to hold her head, and then pulled her closer to my eyes. I saw it, but I suddenly realized that the woman in front of me didn't look like her at all.
Not Zhu Dan! But Zhao Menglei!
At this moment, I suddenly realized that Zhao Menglei was no longer a person in this world, and an extreme fear suddenly appeared. And when my fear suddenly appeared, she was like the wind in front of me at this moment.
Generally disappeared.
I suddenly woke up and sat up from the bed. I saw that the shaking monster that scared me just now turned out to be a curtain that was fluttering rapidly. The wind outside the window was strong.
My method was effective, because now my body was able to move, but at this time I began to be afraid of such darkness, and hurriedly got up and turned on the light.
The darkness was dispelled in an instant, my eyes became bright, and my fear also dissipated.
I couldn't help sighing. I knew why I had a nightmare just now. It was the result of my inner anxiety and helplessness. Now, I really can't sleep anymore, and now I also find that my tears have long dried up. (To be completed.)