She kept listening quietly, and her face became paler and paler.
At this time, I had slowly overcome the fear in my heart, and my story became smoother and smoother. I don’t know how long I kept talking, until later, I found that I actually had a way to talk.
Feeling relaxed, it was then that I realized that I should stop here, because what I was talking about was my own business. The more I talked about things like this, the greater the harm to Chenchen would be - in
Before this, she would never have thought that I was that kind of person. She could accept my previous two marriages, including my children, because she had always been confused by my appearance.
After experiencing hesitation and hesitation, she accepted me and accepted me from the bottom of her heart, which meant that she valued me as a person. However, when I exposed the other side of myself to her, she was shocked.
I can't talk any more. I've already hurt her. What I've hurt is her innocent heart towards me.
I didn't dare to look at her again. I lowered my head and sighed, "Chenchen, I am such a person. I was so unruly in the past and never restrained my desires. Until now, sometimes I still find it difficult to change my mind.
I struggle out of my own desires. So I can only work hard. I don’t have the intention of atonement for myself by doing this. Others don’t know my inner feelings, but I know it myself. I don’t dare to think about it anymore.
Although I like you very much in my heart, I dare not tell you about my marriage, nor do I dare to accept your feelings for me, because you don’t really understand me. You are so pure, but I am so pure.
Filthy, any inappropriate thought I have towards you is a kind of blasphemy against you. Chenchen, I’m sorry..."
She was crying. I knew in my heart that it was because of her extremely disappointed reaction to me.
I didn't dare to say anything more, and I didn't dare to look at her. After a while, she stood up and said, "Feng Xiao, I hate you. Why are you so nice to me? Why did you give me those things? Why do you let others tell you?
Are you that good?"
I was dumbfounded and panicked, "Chenchen, I, I didn't..."
She turned around and left, and then ran quickly out of my sight. At this moment, my heart felt cold, but at the same time I felt a sense of relief. Feng Xiao, this is your fate. I said this to myself in my heart
explain.
I know that we are over, forever. From now on, I will never go to her music bar again, nor will I contact her again. I also know that she will hate me for a long time, maybe a lifetime. However, in my heart
I feel really relieved, because the harm I did to her today was actually for her own good, and it was me who destroyed all the good things I had in her heart.
After Chenchen left, I drank tea there alone for a long time. The tea in the teapot was very strong, and I liked the bitter taste.
Later, I left. When I got home, I found Xiao Sui watering the garden. Then I remembered that I had asked him to come back to Shangjiang today. However, now that Chenchen was gone, I didn’t have to rush back to Shangjiang right away.
Go. Although I have a lot of things on my hands, now I no longer have any passion to do those things.
I said to Xiao Sui: "It's okay, I won't go back today. Come pick me up early tomorrow morning."
He smiled honestly at me and said, "I'll go back after I finish this."
I smiled at him and then entered the house. My mother asked me, "Shall we have dinner at home tonight?"
I said, "No, I have something else to do tonight."
In fact, at this moment, I have no plans to eat at night. I want to go to bed immediately and have a good sleep before talking. My heart is really tired, and I just want to go to bed alone and fall asleep, without anyone disturbing me.
.At home, I am my mother's child and the father of my son, but today, I really don't want anyone to disturb me.
My mother glanced at me, and I could clearly feel the pity in her eyes. I went directly into the bedroom, took off my clothes and got into bed. I quickly fell asleep.
I don’t know why I fell asleep so quickly today. Maybe I was just too tired and mentally exhausted.
It was already after six o'clock in the afternoon when I woke up. After getting up, I suddenly felt an unspeakable sadness in my heart. I suddenly wanted to go out. Although I didn't know where I should go, I just wanted to go out.
I vaguely knew why I was like this - I was worried that my mother would ask me why I was so depressed.
Fortunately, I told my mother in advance that I would not be at home for dinner that night. When I left home, I just said to my mother: "I have something to do tonight, I may come back later."
My mother looked at me and stared at me. She didn't say anything. I left the house and walked out of the community without driving.
When I walked onto the street, I suddenly felt at a loss - where should I go now?
Under such circumstances, in fact, as long as I make a casual phone call to the people below, or those old editors who have contacted me before, I can definitely go to a certain star hotel to sit down in the evening, and then chat and laugh in the same way.
I went home happily after drinking and eating. But I didn't want to be like this. I have never been like this. Even today, even when I really need someone to accompany me, I still insisted on not making any phone calls.
I was walking alone on the street, and various people kept passing by. There were couples taking a walk after get off work, and most of them were young people in a hurry.
The night in front of me is still the same, and the city night is as gorgeous as usual. But today, I am not in the mood to appreciate this beautiful night at all. I just walked forward blankly, and kept walking forward. Later, I saw a small
I took a look inside the alley and found a steaming place. It was obvious that it was a snack bar.
I went there and asked what there was to eat. The stall owner told me honestly that there were only noodles and glutinous rice balls. I shook my head and continued walking into the alley. Now, I just want to drink and be alone.
Go drinking alone.
Entering the alley, the further you go, the quieter and dimmer the light becomes. I keep walking forward, and then I realize that I have almost passed through this alley. Not far ahead is another part of the city.
A main street. However, I finally found a small restaurant at the exit of this alley.
I walked in and there were several people eating. Of course they didn't know me. In a place like this, I'm not the mayor, just a down-and-out, depressed middle-aged man.
I walked into this small shop, sat down at a small table, picked up the menu, looked at it, and immediately called the boss over. I ordered a few dishes at random, and also ordered a bottle of 60-degree alcohol at a low price.