I have never been superstitious, but now I start to believe in those things. Although I don’t believe it from the bottom of my heart, I need to let myself believe it. Maybe only in this way can I feel at peace in my heart. From this, I began to understand that superstition is actually
It's just a kind of self-comfort and self-hypnosis.
Shangguanqin drove her car, and after I got in the car, I started to prepare myself to fall asleep again. Now I really hope to meet Chen Yuan in a dream again. Yes,
I especially hope to be able to do this, especially to dream that she will say more to me, especially about the children.
But no, no matter how hard I try to construct a dream, Chen Yuan's appearance is just my subjective thinking. I can't forget my own existence. In other words, I can't let myself fall into sleep at all.
.
There was the sound of cars honking in my ears. Although the sound was very small, it was subjectively amplified by me because I couldn't fall into the sleep I needed. Under such circumstances, any sound of a smile would become harsh.
Shangguanqin didn't come to talk to me, maybe she thought I had fallen asleep. But I am very grateful to her in my heart, because she has always given me so much. And, it is precisely because of my gratitude to her
That's why I didn't dare to blaspheme against her in the slightest.
It felt like a long time passed, and finally I heard Shangguanqin's call, "Brother Feng, we're here. Wake up."
I opened my eyes. She said to me: "I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you up, but I was worried that you would blame me when you wake up."
"Thank you, Shangguan!" I said to her sincerely. At this moment, I felt that a lot of strength in my body had returned, and my legs were no longer as weak and weak as before. Shangguanqin's bowl of eight-treasure porridge supplemented all the strength in my body.
The sugar and energy needed. In fact, the "thank you" I just said also includes this matter.
I have been here before, when my mentor's ashes were buried after her death. This is the cemetery developed by Ning Xiangru. I found that this place has begun to take shape, and a towering plaque has been built outside the cemetery.
At this time we are not far outside this plaque. This is a parking lot. Standing here, you can see a huge tomb-like mountain in the distance.
Inside the plaque are three stone arch bridges. Under the stone arch bridge is a pool. After walking through the stone arch bridge in the middle, there is a slope of stone stairs. After climbing the stairs, there is a small square. There is a large copper plate on both sides of the small square.
The tripod and stone arch bridge led me to continue walking forward, and then I arrived at the foot of the big mountain I just saw. There was a Buddhist niche on the left and right in front of me, and I didn’t know which one was enshrined in it.
A Bodhisattva.
There is a wide stone staircase in the middle of the mountain that extends upwards. There are many stone sculptures on both sides of the stone staircase. From a distance, I can't tell what those sculptures are. But at this moment, I feel very fond of Ning Xiangru.
I was so impressed: I didn’t expect that she could make this place so spectacular and majestic. I think everyone who has been here will think that this place is a geomantic treasure place where their loved ones can rest in peace.
Shangguanqin did not lead me up the stone stairs in the middle of the hill, but to a trail on the right.
The trees on both sides of the trail are lush and green, almost blocking the tombs on both sides. It is hard to believe that such a place is actually a cemetery, but more like a park.
After walking less than fifty meters forward, there was a descending stone staircase on our right. Shangguanqin led me down the stone staircase. After going down a few steps, I suddenly found a wide open space in front of me. At this time,
At the same time, I had already seen Lin Yi, Xiao Li and about ten other people. I didn't see Shi Yanni here. She must be too sad. I thought to myself.
This area is full of individual relatively large tombs. I saw that each tomb here covers an area of more than ten square meters, and the tombstones are very large, and there are many beautiful sculptures on the top of the tombstones.
Went to where Lin Yi was, it was also a big tomb.
Lin Yi immediately blamed me and said, "Why are you here?"
Shangguan Qin said hurriedly: "He has to come."
I said, "Let me take a look. I can visit her anytime from now on."
He sighed, "That's okay. Feng Xiao, I didn't ask for your opinion on the text on this tombstone. Can you see if it's appropriate? If you don't think it's good, I'll have someone re-engrav it right away."
So I went to look and found that the big tombstone in front of me said: Tomb of mother Lin Nan, and the inscription at the back was: Son Gong Li. On the top of the tombstone was a photo of Chen Yuan, which was made of ceramics and then inlaid on the tombstone.
The photo above is in color. I can’t remember when this photo was taken, but she looks so beautiful.
This is a tombstone erected in the name of Chen Yuan and I's son. My name is not on it, nor is Shi Yanni's. I immediately understood what Lin Yi meant: Shi Yanni is a mother, and I am a husband. In fact, we both feel sorry for Chen Yuan.
.
Although I didn't know Lin Yi's true intention, I felt that it was indeed the best thing for him to do. In front of Chen Yuan, I felt ashamed. So I nodded towards him.
Lin Yi said: "Xiaonan's ashes have been placed inside. You came a little late. I didn't know you were coming."
I nodded again, "Thank you."
Lin Yi glanced at me and said, "Okay, let's leave here first. Maybe you have something to say to Xiaonan alone. Shangguan, you will accompany him back later."
Shangguanqin immediately said to me: "Dr. Feng, I'll wait for you in the car outside."
I nodded towards her.
Lin Yi came over and patted me on the shoulder, "The child will stay with me for a while, so you don't have to worry. If the nanny needs to come back, I'll tell her right away."
I shook my head and said, "I want to have some quiet time by myself recently. By the way, I want to clean up Chen Yuan's belongings."
He said: "Forget it. You have to pay attention to your health and don't torture yourself. If you have anything, just tell your superior, or just call me directly."
I nodded.
He immediately left with everyone, leaving me alone in front of Chen Yuan's tomb.
I sat on the ground, and then looked at her photo on the tombstone. She was smiling slightly shyly on it. She was looking at me, looking at me and smiling, without any intention of blaming me. Tears suddenly came to my eyes.
Say, "Chen Yuan..."
That day, I sat in front of Chen Yuan's grave for a long time. There, I spoke a lot to her alone. I told her about every happy scene we had together, and what I talked about most was about us.
Later, my vision began to blur, and then I began to confess to her, my past indifference to her, my betrayal of her. When I left, I knelt in front of her, and kowtowed several times in succession. I got up.
It was only then that I felt a dull pain in my forehead.
After we got to the car, I said to Shangguanqin: "Let's go back."
She was looking at me, looking at my forehead.
"Go back." I said again.
She let out a soft sigh.
Later, she sent me home, and I said to her: "Shangguan, thank you. You can go back, I'm fine."
She shook her head and said, "The chairman asked me to stay and take care of you."
I said: "You go back, I want to be alone for a while."
She said: "Don't worry, I won't disturb you."
I said, "Go back. I feel very sad and don't want to see anyone. I want to be alone in this room. Thank you, Shangguan, but I really don't want anyone else here now."
She sighed, "Okay. I'll go then. If you need anything, call me."
I didn't answer her because I didn't want to talk at all at this time.
After Shangguanqin left, I went to sit down on the sofa, and then stared at the place next to the TV again. However, there was nothing else in that place except the pot of green bamboo. I know, Chen
Yuan she has really left and she will never come back.
I sighed, then went to the bedroom, and started to clean up Chen Yuan's things.
I didn't really care enough about Chen Yuan before, so I usually didn't pay attention to what she liked. But now I realize that she has so few things at home. Except for a few things in the closet.
Apart from a few clothes and a few cosmetics in the dressing table, she had very little personal belongings. Chen Yuan didn't like makeup very much, so I found that the cosmetic bottles were almost full.
Now, I really hope to find her diary or something, because I really want to know what wishes she had in her heart. But at the same time, I am very afraid of finding such things, because I am afraid of being criticized by her.
Too much blame.
I didn't find it. I didn't find the words she left behind.
After rummaging through the entire house, I placed all her things I could find on the bed in our bedroom. There were really too few of her things.
Then I went to the living room, where there was the piano she bought at that time. The piano was so beautiful, and it stayed there quietly. My mind immediately recalled her intoxicated look when she played the piano at home.
, there was an illusion in my ears: at this moment, I suddenly seemed to hear the sound of a piano floating throughout the room. They were so beautiful, like streams flowing through mountains, like spring breeze blowing across the earth, and even the laughter of children.
In the meantime...
Suddenly I heard a knock on the door. I didn't want to open the door because I didn't want to be disturbed at this time. But I went to the door and looked outside through the peephole.
I had no choice but to open the door because I found Kang Demao and Ding Xiang standing outside the door. (To be continued)