Chapter 330: Love is too deep to be expressed [Qin Nansi]
The capital city is covered with clouds, drizzle is falling, the cemetery is solemn and quiet, and the air is filled with the smell of coldness and death.
It’s the beginning of spring again. Green buds sprout from dead branches, and crystal clear water drops fall silently. A man dressed in black presented a bouquet of flowers in front of the tombstone. A seven or eight-year-old boy standing next to him also held a bouquet of flowers in his arms.
A bouquet of blooming tea flowers.
"Xifeng, kowtow to your Uncle Yan."
"Oh." The beautiful little boy placed the flowers in front of the tombstone next to his father. Then he knelt down in front of the tombstone and kowtowed three times. When he stood up, his trousers on his knees were stained with water.
Traces, a little cool.
He didn't know very well who Uncle Yan was, but every year on this day his father would bring him to worship him and kowtow three times. Even his mother and father had never been so cautious. In other words, ever since he could remember, his father
He never mentioned his mother, nor did he pay homage to her. Every year, his grandparents took him to pay homage to his mother.
My grandparents all said that my mother died of a serious illness. Some people said that my mother was not dead at all, but she just betrayed my father and ran away with another man.
Qin Xifeng never asked his father which one was true and which one was false, because every time someone mentioned his mother, his father's expression would be extremely heavy and gloomy, as if he was very reluctant to hear his mother's name. Over time, no one dared to speak in front of him.
carry.
Qin Nansi knelt down and wiped the water on his clothes with a tissue. His expression was calm and unfazed. If you look carefully, you can catch the broken marks and deep pain in his eyes.
His mother passed away a few years ago, leaving him and Xi Feng to depend on each other. In the past few years, his temperament has become more reserved and quiet, and he rarely talks. If it weren't for Long Lifei, the director of the Presidential Palace, he would not even say a word all day long.
Said: The whole person was lifeless, as if there was no breath of life anymore.
"You go to the car and wait for me first." Qin Nansi put the car key in his hand.
Although Xi Feng is young, he is very smart and obedient, and the security around him is good. He has nothing to worry about.
"Okay." Qin Xifeng held the car keys, turned around and walked down the stairs step by step. His father did this every year, and he was used to it.
Halfway up the stairs, he suddenly stopped and was suddenly curious. Why did his father have to go first by himself every time? What was he doing here?
Qin Xifeng did not continue walking down, turned around and looked in the direction of the tombstone, walked back a few steps, and walked to the corresponding location clicked below.
Qin Nansi walked to the tombstone and caressed the black and white photo with his thin fingers. His outline was still as warm and clean as before. He bent down, pressed his forehead against the cold tombstone, and slowly closed his eyes.
Already...
Qin Xifeng saw his broad shoulders trembling slightly, moved two steps to change positions, and froze in place.
From his angle, he could just see his father bursting into tears.
************Master, please tell me the dividing line for monthly tickets************
Long Lifei and Long Ziqi flew to the United States to study at the age of fifteen. Xi Feng was young and needed someone to take care of him. Qin Nansi did not continue to stay in the presidential palace, applied to retire, and opened a coffee shop in the capital.
The scale is neither big nor small, and the profit is just enough to support life. The store only employs two clerks, a girl and a young boy who just went to college and worked part-time.
Apart from taking Xi Feng to and from school, Qin Nansi spent most of his time in the coffee shop without any other entertainment. In the past two years, Rong Chen often came back to sit there. He looked at Qin Nansi with a sinister look in his eyes.
It was biting and biting, and Qin Nansi never took it to heart, no matter how vicious the words were to humiliate him.
On the night of Huang Rong's death, Rong Chen drank a lot and stumbled in, smelling of alcohol and with blurred eyes. At that time, there were no customers in the store, and Qin Nansi was doing his hygiene alone.
Rong Chen lay on the bar, laughed softly, and murmured one sentence repeatedly on his lips: "She finally died... She suffered so much, and finally died..."
Thick, fan-like eyelashes quietly covered her eyes, and then a large teardrop oozed across the corner of her mouth, which looked particularly unreal under the light.
Qin Nansi knew that he was crying not because of Huang Rong, but because of Bai Yan. The woman who killed Bai Yan eventually died of torture. Have you seen Bai Yan in the sky?
Qin Nansi did not go back in the evening and stayed with Rong Chen in the coffee shop all night. He sat at the table and fell asleep at some point. When he woke up, the coffee shop was empty and he was the only one left.
He knew that Rong Chen would never come again.
Ye Ni is dead, Huang Rong is dead, and the people who killed Bai Yan have all disappeared. Rong Chen, seeing himself, will only miss Bai Yan more, so he will not come again.
Later, Qin Nansi never saw Rong Chen again until the news of his death came out. On the day of Rong Chen's funeral, it was raining. He stood in the crowd and saw the funeral convoy moving forward in an orderly manner. The boy with handsome features held Rong Chen in his arms.
Chen's portrait slowly walked at the front...
He recognized the boy at a glance as the college student who worked part-time in his cafe. It turned out that he was from Rong Chen!
On the third day after Rong Chen's funeral, the boy came to the coffee shop. He sat down and said straight to the point: "I can't come here again."
Qin Nansi handed him the salary he had prepared: "I know, take care."
The boy was stunned. He didn't expect his reaction to be so calm. He looked at him with clear eyes for a long time. Nan Si looked at him and seemed to see another person in these eyes.
That person also has a pair of dust-free eyes, clean and pure.
"Don't you want to ask me what's going on?" Rong Yu's red lips looked a bit like a boy's, and her thin body was a bit frail, with a kind of feminine beauty.
Who would have thought that such a young man would be the head of the new generation of the Rong family.
Qin Nansi looked calm and invited him to drink a cup of American coffee: "I don't want to know." He lost interest in everything. The only reason for his life was three words: Qin Xifeng.
Rong Yu's face turned pale and he took a sip of the coffee cup. The bitter taste spread on the tip of his tongue and penetrated to the deepest part of his heart. Regardless of whether Qin Nansi would listen or not, he said in a low voice: "Rong Chen is mine.
Uncle, I know him and you, because we are the same kind of people."
He saw the photo of that person in his uncle's drawer, slowly inquired about them, and followed his uncle's footsteps to this place. Something hidden in his heart suddenly emerged, and he seemed to understand something vaguely.
For example, he didn't like close contact with the opposite sex, or he was very curious about the man in front of him! The closer he got, the more curious he became, and the more he got to know him, the more he wanted to get closer. Those things that had been suppressed for a long time seemed to be released in an instant, and he suddenly understood,
It turns out that like my uncle, I like men!
The same type of people, which type of people are they?
"The person my uncle likes, does he like you? I thought you didn't like him, but during the time I was working here, I found that you loved him more than anyone else, more than my uncle! But why didn't you want him in the first place?
What about him?"
Qin Nansi's hand wiping the cup paused, and his eyes looked at him, with a faint flash of pain.
Yes! Why didn't you want him in the first place? If you could be braver, wouldn't it be him sitting in front of you now?
"He is dead, but you are still alive!" Rong Yu pursed his lips and looked at him with shining eyes: "I like you, I want to..."
"Go back after you finish your coffee." Qin Nansi interrupted him with a faint voice, looking out the window. His men were still waiting for Rong Yu: "Don't keep them waiting for too long!"
Rong Yu's face turned pale, and his hands hanging by his side clenched into fists involuntarily: "Why? If a person dies, he will never survive! Why don't you look for a new beginning? You obviously still have a long future...
"
Why should you immerse yourself in a silent world and let sadness and numbness swallow you up?
Qin Nansi's calm eyes met his unwilling ones. After a moment of silence, a heavy voice sounded: "The only thing I can do after a long time is to miss him."
This is also the reason why he is still breathing at this moment.
He will never have the strength to love others in this life, because his heart is so filled with a man named Bai Ziyan that it is about to explode, and there is no longer any gap left for others.
"Are you going to be like this all your life?" Rong Yu stared at him quietly with wide-open black and white pupils, as if he couldn't believe it!
Qin Nansi did not speak. The relationship between him and Bai Yan did not need to be explained to others. He said concisely: "You and I are not the same kind of people."
Rong Chen and Rong Yu both like men, but he doesn't. He just likes one person, and it happens that this person is a man. It would not be the same for any other man...
Today, he finally begins to understand Bai Yan's feelings, but it's a pity that that person is no longer around. But it doesn't matter, he is wearing their wedding ring on his ring finger, and the only soul mate in his heart is Bai Yan! He
His feelings for Bai Yan were unwavering and transcended life and death! No matter whether Bai Yan was alive or dead, he never felt that he was separated from Bai Yan.
Although this belief came too late, Bai Yan had already lost all hope and despair!
Rong Yu looked at him, his eyes a little red, and his eyes fell on the ring hanging around his neck, which was a pair of rings on his finger. His heart tightened. These days, he didn't know that this man was dull and taciturn.
It’s not that I don’t know how much trouble and pain he and that person had.
What is more painful in this world than falling in love but not being able to stay together? What is more heartbreaking than saying goodbye.
He likes this man, but he still can't get into his heart.
After his uncle died, he had to take care of the entire Rong family by himself. It might be difficult for him to even see this person from now on.
He picked up the coffee cup in front of him. The coffee was already cold. He drank it in one gulp. The coldness and bitterness flowed down the esophagus, and every drop flowed into the deepest part of his heart. When he put down the empty cup, he also seemed to let go of his feelings for him.
Obsessed with love.
He stood up and bowed respectfully: "I have been taking care of you all these years. Goodbye."
Qin Nansi stared at him quietly, and pursed his thin lips into two words: "Goodbye."
Don't give to those who can't afford it, and don't force it to those who can't afford it. He is unable to respond to anyone's feelings, so naturally he will not give anyone the slightest hope. After his words fell, Rong Yu had already lowered his eyes before he walked out of the coffee shop.
He continued wiping the cup as if he was sending away a casual customer.
Rong Yu walked to the door, paused, and couldn't help but look back at him. He lowered his head and wiped the cup seriously. His eyes turned red, and he pulled his lips inexplicably with a smile that didn't mean anything. Then he opened the door and left.
How many bloody lives and how many dirty pasts have been buried in the Rong family, including his own! I came today just with the attitude of giving it a try, and the result was as expected!
That’s okay, at least there are some words, I told you! There are no regrets in this life!
****************Master, please recommend the dividing line for votes******************
Qin Nansi continued to live his life calmly and calmly, and Rong Yu completely disappeared from his world. His former subordinates would occasionally come to his cafe to drink coffee, and when they chatted about Rong Yu, they all had the same evaluation of him.
Four words: Cruel and ruthless.
Qin Nansi always felt as if he had never heard of it. Once he saw Rong Yu in an online video. He had grown taller, and his outline became colder and clearer. There was an aura of darkness all over his body. He was no longer the same person.
A little boy with a thick neck and eyes red after being given a few difficult words by a customer.
Those clear black and white eyes without a trace of dust gradually turned brown after experiencing too many wars and killings, and they no longer looked like that person.
Before the news was finished that day, the wind chimes at the door rang, and a beautiful figure walked in. Her eyes wandered between Xin Chang's figure and the video. Sitting on the high chair, she pursed her lips and said, "He will never look at you secretly again.
The little boy is blushing."
Qin Nansi gave her a cup of hot chocolate and said solemnly: "He was just confused for a moment."
Because Rong Chen likes men, and because their story is too twists and turns, it is not surprising that Rong Yu was temporarily confused.
Chu Bingyan drank the hot chocolate, narrowed her eyes slightly, and said with a faint smile: "Why do you like your face so much?"
"I heard that his life has not been going well since his marriage, and he plans to divorce." Qin Nansi's voice was calm and emotionless, and the face of the woman sitting opposite him had darkened.
Chu Bingyan has always been like this for so many years. No matter who mentions that person, she feels like she is facing a powerful enemy, and her whole body is as tight as a hedgehog!
Your Excellency and your wife have been very busy in the past few years, and everyone has their own life. Qin Nansi just guards this shop and lives with Xi Feng. It can't be said to be a good or a bad life. He rarely gets together with his former subordinates occasionally.
Open your mouth.
Chu Bingyan would come and sit there when he had nothing to do. When he was in a good mood, he would take the initiative to chat with him. When he was in a bad mood, he would find a secluded corner and drink cup after cup of hot chocolate.
She and Xi Feng got along very well, and Xi Feng longed for her to come every day. Qin Nansi somewhat understood Xi Feng's little thoughts. No child would not long for mother's love. He could give Xi Feng a lot of love and care, but
I can’t give maternal love alone, and I can’t let others give me maternal love to Xi Feng.
If he makes a mistake once, he will never make it a second time.
The two of them were so quiet, neither one said anything. The dust in the air was noisy, and the light of the setting sun outside the glass window was faint, gradually fading, and almost being covered by neon lights.
Qin Xifeng came down from upstairs after finishing his homework. When he saw the slender figure sitting in front of the bar, he immediately smiled: "Aunt Bing!"
Chu Bingyan turned her head and saw him, and immediately stood up with a faint smile on her face: "Xiao Feng, come here..."
Qin Xifeng ran up to her with bright eyes: "Aunt Bing, are you here to see me and dad?"
"Yes." Chu Bingyan nodded and handed him the bag placed aside: "Try on the clothes I bought for you to see if they fit you."
"Thank you Aunt Bing." Qin Xifeng smiled and looked up at Qin Nansi at the bar: "Dad, Aunt Bing is very good to us, right?"
Qin Nansi glanced at Chu Bingyan and said nothing, just nodded!
Qin Xifeng held the bag, but seeing that his reaction was still very cold, he continued to ask unwillingly: "Dad, don't you think Aunt Bing is very suitable to be a mother?"
As soon as these words came out, Qin Nansi's face quickly darkened, and he coldly squeezed out two words: "Xi Feng!" The warning was self-evident!
In the past, as long as Qin Nansi gave him a cold look, Qin Xifeng would immediately shrink his head and close his eyes, daring not to speak. But today he didn't know what was wrong, and he felt a sigh of relief in his heart. He felt that Aunt Bing was very good. If the three of them became a family,
How good it would be.
No one will laugh at themselves for not having a mother anymore.
"I like Aunt Bing, I want Aunt Bing to be my mother!"
"Qin Xifeng, shut up! Go upstairs, now!" Qin Nansi put down the cup in his hand, and with a little more strength, his voice kept echoing in the huge space.
Qin Xifeng's eyes turned red when he was scolded by him: "Aunt Bing is so good to us, why don't you let her be my mother! I hate you, I hate you!"
After saying that, he ran upstairs.
Qin Nansi's face was livid, his eyes turned helplessly from Xi Feng's figure to Chu Bingyan, and he apologized slightly: "I'm sorry, the kid is not sensible."
"It doesn't matter!" Chu Bingyan was stunned for a moment, came to his senses, and said calmly: "Don't you think Xi Feng really needs a mother?"
Qin Nansi was startled, with disbelief in his eyes. Chu Bingyan chuckled: "I mean I can accept him as my godson. You also know that I can't be with anyone in this life!"
"Thank you!" Gratitude flowed from his deep eyes.
Chu Bingyan just smiled indifferently: "You're welcome, I just want someone to die with! Go up and see him quickly! The child needs to be coaxed!"
***
Nan Si opened the door silently, and Qin Xifeng was lying on the bed crying. Next to him were the clothes Chu Bingyan bought for him.
He walked over, took the paper from the bedside table to him, and said seriously: "Xi Feng, what you said today is very rude."
Qin Xifeng held the paper and snorted, looking at him with red eyes, feeling aggrieved: "But I want Aunt Bing to be my mother!"
"This is not possible!"
"Why?" Tears welled up in my eyes again!
Qin Nansi looked at him with serious eyes. He placed his big palm on his head and rubbed it gently: "Because Dad and Aunt Bing both love the same person deeply and cannot be together."
"It's mom?" Qin Xifeng didn't think so. Sure enough, he saw Qin Nansi shaking his head, "Then who is the person dad loves deeply?"
Qin Nansi was silent, he didn't know how to talk to his young son.
Qin Xifeng thought of something and said in a hoarse voice: "Is it that Uncle Yan?"
"Why do you ask that?" Qin Nansi was surprised that his son would mention Bai Ziyan.
Qin Xifeng touched the birth card hanging around his neck, sniffed and said: "Feeling!" He remembered his father crying in front of Uncle Yan's tombstone, and remembered that the way his father looked at Uncle Yan was like the way Brother Rong looked at his father. Brother Rong said
, that’s because he likes and loves his dad!
He doesn't quite understand what "love" is, but he understands the feeling of liking her. Just like he likes sister A Qing very much, he misses her when he doesn't see her, and smiles when he sees her.
"Will you hate Dad?" This sentence felt like a thorn in my throat, and I couldn't speak. It took me a long time to speak with great difficulty.
Qin Xifeng thought for a while and shook his head. Although he didn't know why his father liked a man, it didn't matter. It was as if he also liked brother Long Lifei.
"Dad, if you love someone deeply, you can't help but like others?" He tilted his head and looked at him with bright eyes, full of curiosity.
"Yes." Qin Nansi nodded, thinking of that face, his heart felt soft, and even the light in his eyes softened: "Because I like someone so much, I can't give my heart to another person, even a little bit.
Can't do it."
Qin Xifeng seemed to understand, nodded, and put his arms around his neck, relying on him very much.
Qin Nansi wiped away the tears on his cheeks with his strong fingers and said solemnly: "Boys should be strong and don't cry."
"Dad, I was wrong! I will never say that again!"
Qin Nansi hugged the child tightly in his arms and said in a deep voice: "Xifeng, be good..."
"Dad, is Aunt Bing angry?" Qin Xifeng asked very carefully, knowing that what he just said was very rude.
"No." Qin Nansi said with a faint smile, "Aunt Bing wants me to tell you that she wants to recognize you as her godson, so that she will be your mother!"
"Really?" The sadness on Qin Xifeng's face immediately disappeared: "Great! I'm going to change into the clothes Aunt Bing bought for me. Can we have dinner together tonight?"
"Okay!" He replied with a smile, "But you should change your name to mother!"
"Well!" Qin Xifeng jumped out of bed holding the bag and walked to the bathroom. When he was at the door, he suddenly stopped and turned around and called: "Dad!"
Qin Nansi glanced at him before he finished speaking.
"Dad, I love you!"
There was a spring breeze passing through his quiet eyes, and Qin Nansi raised a warm smile at the corner of his mouth: "I love you too!"
Qin Xifeng carried his clothes into the bathroom to change with a happy face.
Qin Nansi looked at the smile on his face at the moment when the door was closed. He couldn't help but touch the wedding ring around his neck with his fingers. The slightly cool touch seemed to warm him instantly, as if his heart was connected.
Bai Yan, although you are not with me at the moment, and although I did not go to find you immediately, I know that you will not blame me, and you will not leave me.
You know, I miss you.
A life full of nothingness.
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