"If possible, I would like to turn into ashes and disappear. I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid that after death I will leave traces of myself in this world."
Ruan Xiang always felt that he could not survive for a few days.
The whole day was spent in a state of confusion, and I even experienced visual and auditory hallucinations, as if I had fallen into the bottomless sea water and was completely submerged.
She occasionally thought that it would be better to die than to do this.
Desperate?
In fact, she was not too desperate, or in other words, there was nothing worthy of her despair.
Not only is she living well, but she also has no shortage of food and clothing.
As those people often say, it's just a disease-free disease. Nine out of ten people in the world have experienced this kind of situation, but no one has ever been as cowardly as Ruan Xiang.
Ruan Xiang couldn't understand it at first.
Why do the things that make you miserable seem to be nothing in the eyes of others?
Later she understood,
So she didn't struggle anymore.
She slowly fell into the sea until her whole body was plunged into the deep sea. The huge pressure made her breathless...
But extremely relaxed.
No matter how difficult the world is, it doesn’t matter,
Because she no longer intends to go on seriously.
If you can live, live, and if you can't, it doesn't matter.
After thinking about this,
Ruan Xiang felt like he was freed from the deep sea.
Li Jiancheng was helpless, but he did not argue with her and changed the subject: "How far do we have to go?"
"Soon."
Obviously, Ruan Xiang's words were as precious as gold, so Li Jiancheng did not look for trouble and just followed Ruan Xiang calmly.
Not long after, Ruan Xiang stopped at the entrance of a courtyard.
This should be Ruan Xiang's home.
But Ruan Xiang did not open the door and go in. Instead, he turned to look at Li Jiancheng and asked: "You have lived for so long, you must know something, right?"
"For example...?"
She pointed to the door lock: "Unlock."
"oh?"
"I forgot my keys."
Li Jiancheng didn't talk nonsense. He raised his hand and pressed on the lock. He heard a very clear click, and then the door opened.
But Ruan Xiang's expression did not improve.
"What? Don't you want to go in?" Li Jiancheng asked.
"I asked you to open the lock, but I didn't ask you to break my lock."
Li Jiancheng spread his hands: "Isn't this unlocking the door?"
Ruan Xiang said nothing, only took off the ancient sword from his back, and slowly unwrapped the ancient sword. Suddenly, a slight chill penetrated Li Jiancheng's heart.
The ancient sword is famous for killing souls.
Therefore, Li Jiancheng immediately pressed Ruan Xiang's hand and said seriously: "It doesn't matter if the lock is broken. I will help you guard the door every day from now on."
So Ruan Xiang stopped his hand, picked up the ancient sword and walked in.
The house was not big, but it was extremely empty. There was only one sofa in the living room, not even a coffee table. The ground was covered with dust, and it looked quite desolate.
Li Jiancheng saw the group photo hanging on the wall at first glance.
It was a photo of Ruan Xiang and another girl in Tsing Yi. In the photo, Ruan Xiang was leaning on the girl in Tsing Yi, with a clear and gentle smile. He looked warm and happy, and he was completely different from now.
So Li Jiancheng asked: "Who is this?"
Ruan Xiang raised his eyes, his eyes darkened, but he immediately turned his head and said casually: "It's not an important person, I just forgot to throw it away. Remember to remind me next time to throw it away."
"..." Li Jiancheng didn't have the habit of probing people's background. He just asked, "Where should I sleep?"
"As you like." After Ruan Xiang said this irresponsibly, he walked into his room and closed the door.
Li Jiancheng sighed, then sighed again, and lay down on the sofa, raising his hand to press the wound in front of him, feeling a little dazed for a moment.
He knows why he is here.
He was already dead, but he still had some unresolved obsessions, so he refused to enter the inner world and instead wandered in the outer world.
The table world is closest to the real world,
The so-called real world is the world in front of us.
But this world is where the dead should end up.
His body is dead, but his heart is not cold.
Although he didn't want to intrude on the real world, he still refused to leave like this. He wanted to get rid of the obsession in his heart, so he has been waiting for an opportunity in the outer world.
Finally, until today, he waited for Ruan Xiang.
The descendant of this alchemist family.
The fate of the Alchemist family is to send the souls wandering in the outer world into the inner world. Once those souls get their wishes, they will enter the inner world without any obsession and willingly.
This is what the alchemist family should do.
Today, these people are also called wish-fulfillers.
But obviously, Ruan Xiang is different from other wish-grantors, cold and alienated, as if she herself is the soul who should be trapped in the other world.
She seems to have no heart anymore...
Li Jiancheng was thinking this, and suddenly he caught a glimpse of a doll in the corner of his sight. The doll lowered its head and remained motionless, as if dead.
"But aren't the dolls dead?" Li Jiancheng thought in his mind and closed his eyes.
…
The next day.
Ruan Xiang was woken up by the phone call.
She frowned and resisted the urge to smash her phone.
She has always had the habit of muting her cell phone, but she was probably too sleepy last night and forgot to mute it before going to bed.
"Hello……"
What came from the other end of the phone was a girl's voice: "Xiao Ruan, are you coming today?"
Ruan Xiang said calmly: "I won't come."
"That's it, then..."
"I have something else to do, so I'll hang up now."
After saying that, Ruan Xiang hung up the phone and threw the phone aside. Just as he was about to lie down again, Li Jiancheng opened the door.
"Aren't you going out?" Li Jiancheng asked.
Ruan Xiang raised his eyebrows: "Why should I go out?"
"A sixteen-year-old girl should still be in high school. It's not a day off today, so won't she go to class?"
Ruan Xiang should go.
But she didn't think it was necessary.
About half a year ago, she was diagnosed with moderate depression and was supposed to receive medication and psychological treatment, but due to the cost and academic commitments, it was left to nothing.
But the illness will not go away.
She thought about committing suicide countless times.
He even stood on a high platform, but in the end he still retreated, either out of cowardice or unwillingness.
It is said that there is nothing to love in life, but it seems that there is some nostalgia.
To put it simply, I want to die but can’t bear to die.
She didn't know how to describe the feeling of despair and collapse. It was like being in the deep sea and being submerged by the sea. She knew that the sun was falling on the sea, but she was unable to swim up and could only sink slowly.
Falling deep into the ocean floor.
She really wanted to fall in love with the world again.
But time and time again, he was ruthlessly torn apart by reality.
But she is still alive.
Ruan Xiang glanced at Li Jiancheng's blood-stained clothes, was silent for a moment, and said, "Go and change your clothes."
Otherwise, the bloodstains all over his body would look scary.
"I have no clothes."
Too.
Li Jiancheng was brought back from the outer world by Ruan Xiang. Apart from this person, he has nothing left.
Ruan Xiang rummaged through the boxes and cabinets distressedly, and finally found a few unisex clothes that could barely fit Li Jiancheng into them.
However,
Even if it is just a simple and flawless white shirt, it is still a feminine style. Although there are no patterns on the clothes, the waist design still makes Li Jiancheng look funny.
After looking in the mirror, Li Jiancheng put his hand on his forehead: "If I go out like this, I'm afraid others will think I'm a pervert."
"It's better than being recognized as a murderer." Ruan Xiang put the ancient sword on his back after washing up, "Let's go."
"Where to go?"
"Send you away."
Li Jiancheng is dead, and the reason why he is still stranded in the real world is because he still has unresolved obsessions, so Ruan Xiang wants to help him resolve his obsessions.
The ancient city of Haizhou is quite peaceful in the early morning. The huge neon signs are now silent. There are only a few people walking on the street, which is quite deserted. The cool breeze blows by, bringing a slight coolness.
Li Jiancheng didn't know where Ruan Xiang was taking him.
In fact, Ruan Xiang never asked him what his obsession was.
But he didn't ask any more questions and just followed Ruan Xiang.
There are many places in this world that are the junction between the real world and the superficial world. Ordinary people passing by them may feel cold and cold, but people like Li Jiancheng and Ruan Xiang can enter the superficial world from here.
Just like the alley last night.
Ruan Xiang stood still in front of the alley and looked up into it: "Is he dead too?"
Although Ruan Xiang didn't ask, she already had a conclusion in her mind. The reason why Li Jiancheng didn't return to the other world was just for another person.
"Absolutely." Li Jiancheng smiled softly, "So, you want to take me to the outer world to find him?"
"Yeah." Ruan Xiang walked in without looking back.
Li Jiancheng stayed outside for a while and said with a sigh: "Maybe he has long since lost his obsession and returned to the other world."
Only Li Jiancheng still remembers him.
After saying that, Li Jiancheng also stepped in.
The surface world looks very similar to the real world, but it is shrouded in fog all year round. The visible range is only four or five meters away, and further away there is only a thick fog.
Therefore, Ruan Xiang and Li Jiancheng did not dare to be too far apart.
There were vaguely other wandering souls around, but Ruan Xiang ignored them and just walked on the road with Li Jiancheng, moving forward.
"Are you going to ignore these people?" Li Jiancheng asked.
Ruan Xiang didn't look back: "I don't want to pay attention to it."
"You are the one who fulfills your wishes..."
It is the fate of their family to send wandering souls from the outer world to the inner world, so how can they ignore it?
Ruan Xiang was silent for a moment, and then spoke, his voice as calm as ever: "I can't help them. If possible, I want to enter the other world myself..."
"Then why help me?"
"..."
There are many souls floating around in the world, but Ruan Xiang single-handedly chose Li Jiancheng?
Ruan Xiang is not sure either.
Probably because I saw Li Jiancheng's appearance last night.
He was so bloody and embarrassed, with bruises all over his body, but there was always a smile on his face, not affected by his physical condition.
but……
It was as if my heart had been torn apart.
He also had the same despair.
Although there were countless souls floating around in the surface world, Ruan Xiang obviously had her own way, so she and Li Jiancheng were traveling in the same direction. They occasionally bumped into other evil spirits along the way, but they were all under the majesty of the ancient sword behind Ruan Xiang.
Retired.
"It's really useful." Li Jiancheng sighed with emotion.
Ruan Xiang did not answer, but raised his hand and pointed forward.
There was a woman sitting in front of the desk, her head lowered, her hands in front of her, her fingers intertwined feebly, as if she were dead.
Li Jiancheng then carefully looked around.
This place is a mansion. There is a big red lantern hanging in front of the mansion. It looks scarlet and weird, and the road leading to the depths of the mansion is like a ghostly road leading to the netherworld...
And that woman...
He looks only sixteen years old.
The moment he saw her, the expression on Li Jiancheng's face froze. The original calmness and calmness were long gone, replaced by a very complicated look.
Li Jiancheng stepped forward.
The woman must have heard the sound and raised her head.
Her face was old and decayed. She seemed to be seventy or eighty years old. She was old and dying. But the moment she saw Li Jiancheng, a light seemed to flash in her eyes.
"Jianjian..." A hoarse and unpleasant voice came from her mouth. She seemed to reach out her hand, but her movements were already extremely slow.
Li Jiancheng took the first step to hold her hand, hugged her into his arms, and said softly but forcefully: "I'm here."
The sound is soothing.
"I'm sorry..." The woman sighed as if crying.
Li Jiancheng comforted him gently: "You have done a good job."
She forced herself to stand up and pulled Li Jiancheng towards the depths of the mansion. At that moment, she seemed to turn into a sixteen-year-old girl again.
I saw her talking and smiling:
"You come with me."
Li Jiancheng was pulled by her to enter the mansion.
But before he stepped into the mansion, Ruan Xiang grabbed his clothes.
"do not go."
Li Jiancheng immediately let go of his hand. Although he stepped half of his foot into it, he was still pulled back by Ruan Xiang, but the woman had already sunk deep into the mansion and never came back.
"She...?" Li Jiancheng still looked deep into the mansion, but as far as he could see, there was only nothingness and nothing else.
"Her obsession should be over." Ruan Xiang said.
Li Jiancheng fell silent.
Ruan Xiang looked up at him: "What's wrong?"
"I thought she should have forgotten me long ago..."
"It has been more than fifty years since my death."
"But I didn't expect that I would be her only obsession."
When they first met that year, she was sixteen years old and Li Jiancheng was twenty-six years old. When Li Jiancheng died, she was only twenty-eight years old.
The whole family is dead.
Even his only daughter died.
She was lonely all her life, until she was seventy-eight years old...
That day was still the same as usual.
If it hadn't been for someone delivering meals, no one would have known about her death.
She sat quietly in front of the desk, seemingly asleep.
But he could never wake up again.
Ruan Xiang stood aside and waited quietly, waiting for Li Jiancheng to collect his thoughts, but Li Jiancheng was far more indifferent than she imagined.
He quickly returned to his normal demeanor and asked, "Do you want to go anywhere else?"
"...let's go."
Ruan Xiang did not take Li Jiancheng to the depths of the outer world. Firstly, he had gone a long time today and it was time to go back. Secondly, it was not advisable to go deep into the outer world, especially the living, who could easily be pulled into the inner world.
…
The house is as quiet as ever.
If Li Jiancheng was not here, she would be the only one in the family.
For such a long time in the past, she was alone. Even when she collapsed on the ground and was struggling in pain, she was still alone.
If I die silently one day,
No one should know.
But someone came today.
Outside the door, someone knocked hurriedly, seemingly knocking on Ruan Xiang's heart.
But Ruan Xiang didn't get up and open the door.
She lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling blankly.
She heard the sound outside the door, but the sound was like an illusion, seeming to be absent. She didn't know if it was an illusion or reality.
now,
There was severe pain in my heart.
Her whole body seemed to be bitten by something, and there were throbbing pains, but she couldn't move.
She wanted to cry.
But I couldn't cry anymore.
She has rarely cried since living alone.
Even if it is extremely painful.
Li Jiancheng glanced at Ruan Xiang's room and opened the door for her.
The man outside the door asked: "Where is Ruan Xiang?! Quick, let her come out quickly, I have something urgent to do with her!"
Li Jiancheng asked slowly: "What's the matter?"
The man was extremely anxious: "Stop talking nonsense and let me see Ruan Xiang."
"How can I talk to Ruan Xiang if you don't clearly explain your identity or tell the story?" Li Jiancheng said, closing the door. "Maybe you can try knocking on the door after you speak. Maybe I will let you see her."
"Wait a minute! I am Chen Lan, Jiang Ning... Jiang Ning is about to die... Please let me see Ruan Xiang quickly and let Ruan Xiang save her!"
Jiang Ning.
A name that Ruan Xiang doesn't want to recall no matter what.
Li Jiancheng still closed the door, leaving only one sentence: "I will tell her, you can go back."
Chen Lan wanted to say something else, but was turned away by Li Jiancheng. He wanted to knock on the door, but he knew in his heart that the gentle and elegant man in front of him would never give him another chance to speak.
Li Jiancheng was sitting on the sofa, his eyes fell in the direction of Ruan Xiang's room, and for some reason, he suddenly felt a little funny.
Let Ruan Xiang save others?
But who will save her?
After an unknown amount of time, Ruan Xiang finally opened the door to the room. His expression was the same as usual, and there was nothing wrong with him.
Li Jiancheng carefully probed: "How do you feel now?"
"Don't ask these unnecessary questions."
Ruan Xiang has never told anyone else.
Because those people will only say the same weak and pale words.
They would only give a hasty and perfunctory consolation, saying that she was just under too much psychological pressure and that she could just rest, or they might assume a condescending attitude and tell her that other people were far more miserable than she was, but they were not as miserable as she was.
She is average.
So Ruan Xiang also looked away.
Why bother telling others about her pain?
It is enough for one person to bear it.
"Has anyone been here before?"
Li Jiancheng nodded: "A man named Chen Lan said that Jiang Ning is about to die."
Ruan Xiang pursed his lips.
"He wants you to save her."
Ruan Xiang took out his mobile phone and saw dozens of missed calls and unread text messages on the screen. He was a little scared for a moment.
She was very scared.
Don't dare to look, don't dare to reply.
This is also the reason why her cell phone has been silent for a long time.
But she suppressed her fear and patiently read the text messages one by one, and she roughly understood what happened.
Jiang Ning is dying.
Now he is in the hospital, but no specific symptoms can be found. He is only unconscious, but he is getting weaker day by day, as if he is haunted by evil spirits.
So Chen Lan asked Ruan Xiang for help.
Ruan Xiang simply deleted all the information one by one, blocked his phone number, and then told Li Jiancheng: "If anyone comes again in the future, just drive them away."
"Don't want to see me?"
"It's not that I don't want to."
"That is?"
"It's really disgusting."
Li Jiancheng understood very well, but he had nothing to say to comfort him. Moreover, he also knew that what Ruan Xiang needed was never weak words of comfort.
The reason why Ruan Xiang can still chat with him is simply because he is no longer alive.
"What do you want to do now?" Li Jiancheng asked again.
"have no idea."
Ruan Xiang felt that there was nothing left in her heart, but even such an empty heart could not contain any hope. She tried very hard to like something, but always ended up in vain.
Games, novels... those things that I originally loved, but now I can't arouse the slightest interest in them. Even when I have nothing to do, I have no interest in contacting them.
Li Jiancheng pointed to the games on the bookshelf and asked: "You should like it very much, right? Don't you want to play it?"
Ruan Xiang looked over, shook his head, and said, "I don't like it anymore."
She used to like it.
At that time, I always played Legend of Sword and Fairy with my family. Later, I would silently read related content when I was alone, and even wrote fan fiction about Sword and Fairy.
But I don’t know since when, she no longer likes anything and has no illusions about this world.
For this reason, she deliberately bought the game some time ago. She thought she could fall in love with it again, but after her efforts, she found that it was completely in vain.
She seemed to be walking on the edge of this world, detached from it. Although she occasionally came into contact with the living, she could never integrate into it.
Fortunately, she met some people online.
Although she never communicates with others in real life, Ruan Xiang still has a need for communication, so she met a few people online.
They had never met before, and they didn't know each other deeply. They just chatted freely with each other, which made Ruan Xiang feel very comfortable.
Because they would not interfere with Ruan Xiang's life, nor would they tear apart Ruan Xiang's past experiences. Whenever she was tossing and turning in pain, she would turn on her phone and take a look at the content of the group chat.
It is a small group of only five people. In addition to Ruan Xiang, there are three men and one woman.
"Do you want to play Werewolf?" BoGai asked in the group.
Jiang Yu: "Playing Werewolf with me? I'm afraid I'm going to make you doubt your life."
Milk Tea: "Being a teammate with you really makes me doubt my life."
Jiang Yu: “???”
Milk Tea is a girl four years older than Ruan Xiang. She opened a milk tea shop in Nanjing, so everyone calls her Milk Tea.
Ruan Xiang also posted: "I'm not very good at playing this yet."
Bai Shui: "We can teach you."
In this way, Ruan Xiang played Werewolf with the four of them. At first, they were innocent civilians who were often pushed out by the resistance. However, as they played for longer and longer, they gradually became familiar with the game routines.
About three days have passed, Ruan Xiang has been playing Werewolf with them, and occasionally they will play other games together, such as Don't Starve, PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds, Deep Sea Trek... and even Landlord. In short, the five of them can always
Play together.
Ruan Xiang thought that he might slowly fall in love with them, and then fall in love with the world.
Chen Lan came to the door.
Because he could never contact Ruan Xiang, Chen Lan couldn't wait any longer, so he had no choice but to go to the door again and knock fiercely on the door.
Li Jiancheng also went to open the door, but this time Chen Lan rushed in directly. He ran up to Ruan Xiang and shouted loudly: "Are you still in the mood to play games? Don't you know Jiang Ning is about to die?!"
Ruan Xiang was a little confused: "What does it have to do with me?"
Chen Lan wanted to say something, but Li Jiancheng grabbed him and tried to throw him out. Chen Lan struggled hard, but was no match for Li Jiancheng.
Li Jiancheng didn't look strong, but he was very strong. Chen Lan couldn't get away at all, so he could only shout: "Are you going to watch Jiang Ning die?"
"If Jiang Ning dies because of you, what will Qing Yi think?!"
With just one word, Ruan Xiang's tight string was broken.
Tsing Yi...
Li Jiancheng subconsciously glanced at the photo on the wall, which was a photo of Ruan Xiang and a girl in Tsing Yi.
"Go back." Ruan Xiang was silent.
"Ruan Xiang, you...!"
Li Jiancheng pushed him out and said: "Whether she can be saved or not is her business and has nothing to do with you. Let's go. It's useless no matter how much you say."
After sending Chen Lan away, Li Jiancheng looked back at Ruan Xiang and saw her sitting silently at the table, her eyes empty, as if she had lost her soul, like a doll.
Ruan Xiang has always given him the illusion of being semi-immortal.
She is still walking in this world, but she seems to be dead, just like the doll in the room, with a human form but no heart.
Thinking of this, Li Jiancheng suddenly found that the doll in the house was missing. He looked around and found that the doll was placed in another corner.
Putting aside his unnecessary thoughts, Li Jiancheng spoke: "Ruan Xiang."
Ruan Xiang came back to her senses. She closed her eyes and calmed down for a moment, then stood up and said, "Let's go."
Li Jiancheng reminded: "Do you want to throw away the group photo?"
Ruan Xiang's steps slowed down: "Talk too much."
…………
The two arrived at the hospital together.
Jiang Ning was lying in the intensive care unit of the ICU, but no one could diagnose the cause. They only knew that she was slowly losing vital signs.
Ruan Xiang and Li Jiancheng stood outside the door. Through the window, they could see Jiang Ning's parents looking haggard and anxious.
"What is her relationship with you?" Li Jiancheng asked.
"Not a very important person."
"What about Qing Yi?"
Ruan Xiang fell silent.
Since Ruan Xiang didn't say anything, Li Jiancheng stopped asking, but she suddenly said: "If possible, I don't think I have ever known her."
"Is she bad?" Li Jiancheng asked tentatively.
"She is a very good person." Ruan Xiang tilted his head, his voice was so quiet that there was no emotion at all, "It's just that I lost her."
She knew that Qing Yi didn't abandon her on purpose.
But when she was so desperate and powerless, she only had Qing Yi, but at that time, Qing Yi was not there.
If she hadn't known Qing Yi from the beginning, she might not have had hope and wouldn't have been so cowardly.
Why... just when she thought there was still hope, she was suddenly swallowed up into boundless darkness.
"What about... Jiang Ning?" Li Jiancheng asked again.
"She is the person Qing Yi once liked."
Chen Lan probably saw Ruan Xiang through the glass window, so he strode out and asked hurriedly: "Can Jiang Ning be saved?"
Ruan Xiang shook his head.
She's not a doctor.
What's more, she hates Jiang Ning and Chen Lan very much.
In other words, in fact, I just hate Jiang Ning, and I just like Chen Lan by the way, just because they are boyfriend and girlfriend.
Chen Lan was desperate and said in a low voice: "You go."
So Ruan Xiang pulled Li Jiancheng and left.
Just when he was about to leave the hospital, Li Jiancheng suddenly stopped. He looked at the stairs aside, thought for a moment, and then raised his feet to go up.
"Li Jiancheng?"
"There is an acquaintance nearby. Just wait a minute while I look for him."
Ruan Xiang sat casually on the chair in the hospital corridor.
She didn't know what she was looking for after Li Jiancheng became the deceased, but she didn't care much. If she found him, it might be possible to put an end to Li Jiancheng's obsession.
So she sat here and waited.
She suddenly saw a seven or eight-year-old boy walking around in a daze, as if he was looking for something, but he couldn't find it.
Such an anxious and sad look can't help but make people feel sad.
But Ruan Xiang was unmoved.
The boy walked all the way to Ruan Xiang and asked cowardly and pitifully: "Sister, have you ever met my family?"
Ruan Xiang shook his head.
"They are all dead..."
"Then I can't even find it."
The two looked at each other, and the atmosphere suddenly felt strange.
Fortunately, Li Jiancheng came back in time. The moment he saw the boy, Li Jiancheng spoke: "Chengming."
According to historical records, Li Chengming, king of Runan, was the fifth son of Xi Wang Li Jiancheng and was executed in the ninth year of Wude.
Li Chengming stepped forward and hugged Li Jiancheng, looked up at him, and was about to cry: "I have been looking for you for a long time..."
"I saw my third uncle a few days ago, but his head was gone. Chengming couldn't understand what he was talking about..."
Li Jiancheng smiled and patted his back and said, "Your third uncle must also be anxious to find his family."
But it must not be found.
His wife had already married someone else, and even if she had unresolved obsessions, it was probably not for him.
Ruan Xiang looked at Li Jiancheng: "Is this the person you are looking for?"
Li Jiancheng nodded.
So Ruan Xiang stood up and said, "Go back."
Outside the hospital, Ruan Xiang saw a cyan figure at a glance. Naturally, Li Jiancheng also noticed it, so he reached out and gave Ruan Xiang a hand.
that's true……
At this time, why wouldn't Qing Yi come to visit Jiang Ning?
Ruan Xiang turned his back and took Li Jiancheng to hide in a side alley, as if some wild beast was chasing him outside.
She was too scared.
Afraid to see Qing Yi.
She was also afraid of being asked by Qing Yi why she left her.
It was she who left Qingyi.
She felt as if she had been abandoned by Qing Yi, but if she thought about it carefully, it was obvious that she had abandoned Qing Yi.
Really...very funny...
She didn't know how long she hid, but it wasn't until Li Jiancheng told her that Qing Yi had already entered the hospital that Ruan Xiang finally dared to come out.
There was silence all the way until we entered home.
When Ruan Xiang saw that Li Chengming still followed him in, he couldn't help but ask: "Does he want to be here too?"
"Since you have taken me in, why not have more children?" Li Jiancheng smiled.
Ruan Xiang did not argue and accepted it as acquiescence.
When Li Chengming cried to Li Jiancheng about the misery of his death, Li Jiancheng listened patiently and comforted him gently.
Hearing this, Ruan Xiang suddenly asked: "What does it feel like to die?"
She really yearned for it.
I have planned it countless times and even made it clear, but I never had the courage to execute it.
She needs a chance.
At that time, she was already standing by the lake, slowly reaching into the water, but when she touched the cold lake water, she had the intention to retreat.
In fact, she is not afraid of death.
But she was really afraid that after she died, someone would read through her past life one by one, and then publish it on the last page of a certain day's newspaper, as a negative teaching material, telling her sad and ridiculous life.
She wanted to die in peace.
It would be best if no one could remember her past.
It's best to be submerged in the long memories of others.
It would be best if even the traces of its existence were completely eliminated.
That way, she can die in peace.
But sometimes she also thinks that if a person has no one to care about her while she is alive, will anyone really read her past after her death?
I'm afraid not.
But she is still cowardly.
Li Jiancheng told her: "Don't think about it."
Ruan Xiang knew that she had already worked very hard.
She knew that she was just sick. She also looked up a lot of treatment-related information, learned to communicate and integrate, and tried to like the things she once liked, but she still couldn't get rid of the pain.
Would it be better if he died?
No.
If only I had never lived.
The traces of her life in this world are so dazzling. Instead of dying, she would rather die. It would be best if the traces of her life and other people's memories of her also disappear completely.
…………
Later, Ruan Xiang played games with the group.
Jiang Yu's level of werewolf killing was very high, he could always deceive others, and he would always laugh at them happily after winning the game.
So Bo Gai said: "I think, if you play LOL, Jiangyu is definitely suitable for the top lane."
Milk Tea: "How to say?"
Bottle Cap: "With this taunting method, the opponent will definitely focus on him."
Bai Shui: "Speaking of this... why don't we go play LoL?"
Ruan Xiang silently posted: "What is LOL..."
The remaining four people: "..."
So Ruan Xiang was dragged to play League of Legends again.
Jiang Yu is a very good joker. Every time he plays a game, he tells a lot of jokes, making others laugh.
Occasionally, Ruan Xiang would find it funny, but when he opened his mouth, he found that he could no longer laugh, so he could only force a smile.
Ruan Xiang felt that he was slowly getting better. He always felt relaxed when playing games with them, even if he lost all his mood after turning off the game.
But it's already a big improvement.
If I didn't commit suicide before because I was afraid of leaving traces of my existence after death, now I want to play games with the four of them.
The only interest in living in this world.
Li Jiancheng was helpless: "Speaking of which, you probably forgot to end my obsession."
"Isn't it good to be with Li Chengming?"
"It's not bad." Li Jiancheng sighed, "It's just that I have someone I want to see no matter what."
Not his wife, not his child.
Ruan Xiang nodded.
She took her things and headed out.
Li Jiancheng couldn't help but ask: "Where are you going?"
"take an exam."
Li Jiancheng almost forgot that Ruan Xiang was still a high school student. Although he had been absent from classes these days, he never missed exams.
Even after being absent from school for more than a month, my total score in the monthly exam was still among the top 200 in a grade with more than 1,000 students.
At that time, Ruan Xiang was always focused on studying, and even in his spare time, he would always read various world famous books.
Today's Ruan Xiang can't even understand himself at that time.
She didn't know why she was working hard.
Have lost direction.
Sometimes she misses the feeling of hard work. At least she had a clear goal at that time, but now she has nothing. Except for living in confusion, everything is dead.
Several tall buildings are connected by a corridor.
Building D of the Senior School is used as a laboratory building. No one is allowed to walk on Building D except for physical and biological experiments or special circumstances.
Although Ruan Xiang's examination room was in Building C, after finishing the exam, she still walked to Building D first, which was quiet and empty without anyone else.
She likes blank spaces like this.
Only a very few people would appear in such a place like her.
But she saw Luo Zhiheng.
It was a long time ago that she met Luo Zhiheng. At that time, Luo Zhiheng gave her the impression of being an out-and-out bad student.
He is the kind of person she would never like no matter what.
Smoking, fighting, skipping classes...
She was so disgusted.
But now, she felt that she seemed to see the same pain in Luo Zhiheng.
Luo Zhiheng has a broken family.
He was not crying, but Ruan Xiang felt that he was very sad.
She hasn't had contact with him for a long time.
So Ruan Xiang sighed, then stretched out his hand to him: "Come here."
"good……"
Ruan Xiang really wants to like something, be it people or things, but even though he has tried very hard, he can't like anything.
On the contrary, there are more and more people or things I hate every day.
Until she saw Luo Zhiheng, she felt that she might be able to like him. In this way, she should be able to like the world again, right?
On Luo Zhiheng,
She seemed to have found the feeling of being a living person.
If this continues, I will definitely fall in love with this world again.
Volume 2 Shadow
Ruan Xiang is extremely lonely most of the time.
Apart from her, there was only her shadow.
Meeting Luo Zhiheng was an accident, but at least it made Ruan Xiang feel that he might be able to get rid of the current pain and regain the feeling of being a living person.
But it is ultimately a delusion.
That's not an earth-shattering thing.
However, I heard Luo Zhiheng answer a phone call that day. It was Luo Zhiheng's family on the other end of the phone. It didn't matter who they were. In short, they were people who cared about him very much and were asking for help.
At that moment, Ruan Xiang suddenly felt that he was with him,
Separated in two different worlds.
One is the world of the living, and the other belongs to the dead.
There seemed to be some kind of barrier between her and Luo Zhiheng, a barrier that she could never break.
She thought she fell in love with Luo Zhiheng, she thought she could never waver, she thought she could fall in love with the world again.
She was wrong.
Really wrong.
Luo Zhiheng also looked for her countless times.
He doesn't understand, not at all.
Ruan Xiang didn't tell Luo Zhiheng the reason, because even Ruan Xiang himself didn't understand why he couldn't like Luo Zhiheng just because of such a thing.
How ridiculous.
Li Jiancheng was chatting with Li Chengming, and when he saw Ruan Xiang walking back to his room with an expressionless face, he knew what had happened.
Probably wanting to take Ruan Xiang out to relax, Li Jiancheng opened the door of Ruan Xiang's room and said to her: "I seem to have seen a familiar person. Do you want to come with me to have a look?"
Ruan Xiang instinctively wanted to refuse.
But she really doesn't want to sink like this, she wants to save herself, and she wants to get her life back on track.
So I suppressed the uncomfortable and disgusting feeling and nodded.
It's very contradictory.
Sometimes I want to die, and sometimes I want to live.
She followed Li Jiancheng out.
The two of them walked down the street together.
Li Jiancheng told her a story about the Tang prince Li Jiancheng 1,400 years ago.
But he didn't talk about the feuding and iron horses in the history books, nor did he talk about the final clan fratricide. He just talked about some of the most ordinary trivial things.
"I once had a child. He was my first child, but he was born weak and sick. Even if he invited all the doctors in the world, it would not help."
"When he was three years old, he had a high fever that wouldn't go away. Just like that, he pulled on my sleeve and slowly lost his breath."
"He only lived for three short years. He didn't even see the whole world. He didn't even recognize his family members, so he died like this."
"In the years since his death, I have been thinking about whether I should have done something, whether I had not fulfilled my responsibility at all."
Ruan Xiang looked at Li Jiancheng intently.
She had always liked Li Jiancheng. At first, she liked the description of Li Jiancheng in history books and his gentleness. However, it was because of this gentleness that his beautiful life was ruined.
But later,
What she likes is the sadness and misery in Li Jiancheng...
It is clear that he is the Prince of the East Palace who is full of riches and riches. He is clearly only one step away from the Nine-Fifth Emperor. It is clear that the officials have warned him to beware of Li Shimin.
But still so gentle.
He watched Li Shimin grow up step by step with such tenderness, and even personally helped Li Shimin's Tiance Army grow.
Then, while under the Xuanwu Sect, he was shot through the heart by Li Shimin.
Even the ordinary posthumous title of Xi Yin was obtained through hard work by his old subordinates. Prince Xi Wang Yin... How ridiculous.
Even Li Shimin's subordinates described Li Jiancheng like this: "He poured out money to provide aid, humbled his subordinates, and had the heart of a common man."
Ruan Xiang suddenly asked: "Don't you regret it?"
Li Jiancheng was probably stunned by the question, but he still laughed: "What's the point of asking this? The whole world is just a thought for me, it's already very interesting."
"Forget it." Ruan Xiang suddenly lost interest, or in other words, she had no interest in the first place, "Let's go back."