Because Shen Cang often comes in and out of the palace when he has the opportunity, Shen Fengxu will occasionally write some notes on paper and let Shen Cang take them in. Jiang Xianyue will also write what she wants to say on the paper and let Shen Cang take it in. Bring it to Shen Fengxu.
Shen Cang once asked Jiang Xiuyue if she wanted to write a letter to her family, but Jiang Xiuyue, after being silent for a long time, just said, no need.
She can never go back.
So there is no need.
During these days, Ruan Xiang took Li Jiancheng to meet many people, including his parents, children, and old subordinates.
But no one could untie Li Jiancheng's knot.
She felt that Li Jiancheng probably just didn't want to die and wanted to stay in this world even in his current form.
Until that day, she met Wei Zheng.
He is Li Jiancheng's old subordinate.
Most of Li Jiancheng's old troops were killed by Li Shimin on the day of the Xuanwumen Incident. The remaining survivors also chose to follow Li Jiancheng, and only a few survived.
Wei Zheng is one.
But Wei Zheng was different from others. He never compromised. Even though he knew that Li Shimin could kill him at any time, he still straightened his back and criticized Li Shimin righteously.
Because this is the legacy left by Li Jiancheng.
The moment Wei Zheng saw Li Jiancheng, he knelt down and said tremblingly: "His Royal Highness..."
Li Jiancheng helped him up: "There is no need to be polite, not to mention that it is no longer the Tang Dynasty."
Although Wei Zheng did not follow Li Jiancheng, no one has ever questioned his loyalty to Li Jiancheng.
Long before the Xuanwu Gate Incident, Wei Zheng repeatedly reminded Li Jiancheng to beware of Li Shimin. If he could not bear to kill him, he would at least transfer him away from Chang'an.
After Li Jiancheng died, Wei Zheng did not shy away from mentioning him in front of Li Shimin.
"I just want to ask you, do you know where Shimin is now?"
Wei Zheng shook his head at first, but then added: "I only vaguely heard him mention that he wanted to visit His Highness the Crown Prince."
Li Jiancheng smiled: "Okay, I understand, you can go back."
Ruan Xiang sighed.
Wei Zheng is also a poor man.
He was originally an old subordinate of Prince Li Jiancheng, but in the ninth year of Wude, Li Jiancheng died at Xuanwu Gate.
Later, he became the prince's grand master, and the prince was still the prince of the East Palace, but it was no longer Li Jiancheng, but Li Shimin's eldest son, Li Chengqian.
But as a prince, Li Chengqian ended up being exiled to Qianzhou and died of illness in a foreign country.
Looking at Wei Zheng's leaving figure, Ruan Xiang suddenly said: "Is meeting Li Shimin your obsession for fourteen hundred years?"
Li Jiancheng smiled: "You are wrong, it is not one thousand four hundred years, but one thousand three hundred and ninety-one years, three months and nine days."
Every day of every year, he remembers it clearly and unforgettablely. The arrow that pierced his heart that day seems to be still in front of him now.
"You hate him?"
"No." Li Jiancheng shook his head, "He is a good king, but not a good boy, but despite this, he is still my brother."
It's very complicated.
But Ruan Xiang didn't want to delve deeper.
…
I do not know how long it has been.
It was winter, and Ruan Xiang learned about Jiang Ning's death.
Somehow, I suddenly felt a sense of relief.
She was sitting on the sofa, looking at the photo with Qing Yi, and suddenly said: "Throw it away."
"Huh?" Li Jiancheng raised his eyebrows.
Ruan Xiang asked Li Jiancheng to remind her early in the morning, but Li Jiancheng reminded her, but Ruan Xiang was unwilling to throw it away, and now she suddenly wants to throw it away.
Without waiting for Li Jiancheng to ask, Ruan Xiang picked up the group photo and threw it into the trash can. She threw it face down so that she would not inadvertently see the photo later.
After throwing it away, Ruan Xiang suddenly felt a throbbing pain in his heart, but if he didn't throw it away, it would still be dull and unspeakable.
She didn't dare to think about it, but the memories kept flooding in her mind.
The most unwilling to remember, the most unforgettable.
After a long time, she regained her composure, opened the group chat, and saw that they were about to play games, so she joined them.
As soon as he entered, he heard the voice of milk tea: "Jiang Yu, I beg you to delete the hero Mouse from your computer."
"Wow, my mouse is so strong in the jungle."
"You can go play the bottom lane, but please stop playing the jungle."
Beside, the white water and bottle caps are laughing.
Although Milk Tea and Jiang Yu continue to quarrel, the relationship between the two seems to be becoming more and more stable, and it is no longer just a friendship.
If they meet, they will probably confirm their relationship as a couple, right? This is what they all think.
Can……
Some things shouldn't be thought of this way.
…
Ruan Xiang thought that he might have recovered.
Even if it's not getting better completely, it's at least getting better slowly.
It had been a long time since she had cried or laughed.
everything will get better.
Right? It must be possible...
Ruan Xiang met Luo Zhiheng again.
That was probably the saddest time for Luo Zhiheng. She didn't know how to describe it more appropriately. Although Luo Zhiheng didn't cry, there was pale and feeble despair in every word.
His family has been completely broken up.
Ruan Xiang could not say anything anymore and could only extend his hand to him.
She couldn't leave him behind.
What's more, she also hopes that she can like Luo Zhiheng.
She wants to find the feeling she likes.
In this way, maybe you can survive in this world as a living person.
She wants to do it too.
She can do it too.
Is it right?
…
Li Jiancheng discovered that the dolls in the room had been thrown away by Ruan Xiang at some point. Not only the dolls, but also some other sundries.
She dislikes superfluous things less and less.
But she always kept some extra things, such as the extra clothes in the closet. They clearly didn't belong to her, but they always stayed there.
Ruan Xiang tidied up a little and then went out to meet netizens.
It was the first time the five of them met.
The first thing I saw was milk tea. The two girls were chatting in the milk tea shop on the side. Not long after, the other three boys arrived.
Ruan Xiang was a little confused and did not dare to talk to them. He just sat next to the milk tea and remained silent from beginning to end, listening to the gossip of the four of them.
She regretted it.
This exchange made her feel a little at a loss.
Fortunately, Milk Tea held her hand and made her feel a little more at ease, but she still didn't know what to do to integrate into it.
It’s too painful...
Even painful.
In the evening, I finally felt a bit of relief.
Because she can go home.
She didn't even dare to bring up the idea of going home...
Cowardly and powerless.
But after returning home, things developed beyond expectations.
These group of friends that she cherished, just today, just in the evening, completely fell apart.
Because Milk Tea and Jiangyu broke up.
Ruan Xiang is not clear about the specific details. He only knows that the two of them were arguing endlessly over various issues and each had his own opinion.
The subsequent process was nothing more than a wonderful back-and-forth verbal battle, but Ruan Xiang only cared about the final result.
The group was disbanded.
People also dispersed.
There's no going back.
Ruan Xiang seems to have lost something again,
My heart felt empty again.
…
That day, Li Jiancheng told Ruan Xiang,
He has found Li Shimin.
"Are you leaving?" Ruan Xiang wanted to reach out and grab him, but he didn't dare to touch him and just looked at him like this.
The expression on Li Jiancheng's face was either smiling or sighing. He nodded: "Yes, but I will not go to the other world."
"...?"
"Since you are already dead, what can you do if you go to the other world? Rather than living in another way, it is better to die completely."
Don't...don't leave me...
But Ruan Xiang could only spit out these few words in the end: "How...?"
"If possible, I want to be reduced to ashes without leaving even a trace of my existence. It would be best to completely die in this world." Li Jiancheng smiled lightly.
Please... at least stay with me for a while.
Ruan Xiang couldn't say anything, so he just nodded: "Okay."
"Also, I took away your ancient sword." Li Jiancheng smiled, "You won't go out to the world anymore, right?"
Leave something for me too...
But Ruan Xiang still nodded: "Okay."
So Li Jiancheng picked up the ancient sword and walked out without looking back.
Looking at Li Jiancheng’s leaving figure,
Ruan Xiang's eyes seemed to be covered with a veil,
Nothing can be seen clearly.
…
Ruan Xiang felt that he probably wouldn't live long.
Once upon a time, she had the illusion that she was already well, that she could play games with them enthusiastically and happily, and that she could socialize and chat with others normally, but now she was not lying in bed tortured by pain.
She forgot that the recurrence rate of depression is 80%.
It's so painful, so hopeless.
She thought she had nothing to lose.
Probably someone was looking through her experience, pointing to the things she once owned, and saying, "Look, there are obviously so many things that have not been lost, so why not just disappear them too."
Why……
why me……
Why is this happening again...
I really hope I can die like this.
…
Li Jiancheng has been away for half a month.
Ruan Xiang felt as if he was dead, unable to find any meaning in his existence, but he still did not die.
The house was still empty, with no trace of Li Jiancheng's presence.
This time it's true... there's nothing.
Until I heard Li Chengming's voice by chance.
He asked: "Sister, why are you still here?"
Ruan Xiang looked at him and said softly:
"Because I'm not dead yet..."
"Isn't it easy to die?" The eight-year-old child opened his eyes wide and looked at Ruan Xiang in confusion.
He doesn't understand.
Ruan Xiang tilted his head and looked out the window.
There is bright sunshine shining outside the window, but even on sunny days, there are always shadows, which can never be avoided.
She spoke:
"If possible, I would also like to turn into ashes and disappear. I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid that my traces will be left in this world after death."
"So, let's live like this for now. But if I really die someday, don't be surprised."
"I hope that one day, in your heart, all the memories about me will be blown away, and then you will never be able to put them back together again."