"Hey? Why don't you have a mother? We all have one."
Facing the innocent questions from his friends, the young Huang Xiaobei rubbed his little nose.
"Without a mother, there would be no mother. You don't know it. Without a mother, you don't have to go to bed so early every day. You can watch TV for as long as you want. You don't have to wash your hands often. If your clothes are torn, you don't have to mend them.
Just buy a new one, hehe, how good it is."
"Wow, you are so kind. You can do whatever you want."
Facing the envious looks of his friends, Huang Xiaobei straightened his back and smiled proudly.
"Yeah, I think I'm pretty good too."
The gentle call sounded from behind the children, shattering the shield that the little boy relied on.
"Xiaobao went home for dinner."
"Xiao Lin has to do his homework after dinner."
"Ah, no, mom is here. Let's play together tomorrow, Xiaobei."
In the blink of an eye, the children disappeared from the sand in the park, leaving only rows of immature footprints.
Mothers held their children's dirty hands and said complainingly and helplessly, "What time is it? Look at how dirty you are."
"Hey mom, I was praised by the teacher in kindergarten today."
All the children were taken home by their parents. In the blink of an eye, there was only one child left on the sand that was originally full of children playing.
The little boy is very beautiful, with big watery eyes like a girl's.
Seeing the squirming bodies of his friends as they were being taken away by their parents, and the gentle expressions on their parents' faces, the little boy squatted on the ground and watched quietly.
After looking in the direction of his home for a while to make sure that no one would come to pick him up, the little boy stood up, put his dirty little hands in his pockets, lowered his head, and left.
In his mouth, he muttered softly.
"Yeah, I think it's good too."
The little figure walked alone on the road, under the setting sun, the childish back was spread on the golden ground.
Right, I think it's good too...
Huang Xiaobei looked at his childhood self silently and shook his head.
It's nothing, it's really nothing, I don't care, and I understand.
Eye House has been very good to me, unimaginably good, and one person wants to be able to bear the kindness of two people.
I know that he is very tired, very tired. Sometimes I wonder if I dragged him to death. Sometimes I even wonder if he can live a few more years without me.
Drag the oil bottle? That's right.
————————
"Hey, let me tell you a joke. There was such a person once upon a time. He..."
"Hey, hey, are you annoying? Everyone in the next class told this joke yesterday. What else are you telling me? It's not interesting at all."
"That's right, you should talk about something else interesting."
Huang Xiaobei lowered his head.
"I don't know anything else."
"Tch, boring."
Soon, Huang Xiaobei raised his head and said with a silly smile.
"Then let me tell you something else. It's very interesting. It's really very interesting."
No one paid any attention to him, and a few people just waved their hands in response.
Huang Xiaobei's eyes darkened a bit, but he still walked closer to his classmates with a smile.
"It's really interesting."
The boy in the light blue uniform gathered next to the other children in the light blue uniform, trying his best to blend in with them and let them listen to his jokes.
Perhaps, he just wants everyone to pay more attention to him.
All he got in return was Huang Xiaobei's disdainful gaze.
——————————
"Come on, come on, play games, play games, Xiaobei, there is still one person missing, will you come?"
Huang Xiaobei rolled up his sleeves without saying anything.
"Then I have to do it. Don't you know if I play this? It's definitely..."
"Um, can you bring me one?"
More than a dozen eyes fell on Huang Xiaobei invariably.
Huang Xiaobei's heart twitched as he seemed to have expected something.
"Haha, you must take care of three good students. Xiaobei, just wait for the next round."
"Yes, that's okay."
Lowering his head and raising it again, Huang Xiaobei stood aside with a smile. There was no loss in his eyebrows, only a silly smile.
Standing on the sidelines, he smiled and seemed not to feel unfair at all.
Huang Xiaobei snorted coldly.
I knew what he was thinking. Although he felt uncomfortable, he was afraid of being ostracized by everyone, so he didn't dare to do anything excessive.
He even felt that this was the treatment he deserved!
I'm such a bad person, it would be nice if everyone could play with me. It doesn't matter if I wait a little longer...
The smile on Huang Xiaobei's face became even colder.
——————————
"Today I am going to play the guitar for you and give you a song called "Castle in the Sky"."
Under the eyes of everyone, he thought he was playing well.
"hehe."
The first chuckle sounded.
He played a wrong note, and a trace of cold sweat flowed from his forehead.
"Hehehe."
A second chuckle sounded.
He stopped unconsciously and put on a smile.
"Hahahahaha."
More laughter rang out.
He also stood on the stage and burst out laughing.
Huang Xiaobei stared indifferently at the guy in front of the stage who smiled humbly.
At the end, no one spoke anymore and everyone was laughing.
He was holding his guitar and standing stiffly on the podium, listening to the laughter and laughing too.
He just naturally complied with everyone's wishes, turning himself into a pure joke, allowing himself to stride forward on the road of comedy.
So, he is a joke. No matter what he does, he will always be a pitiful joke.
—————————
Huang Xiaobei smiled and nodded.
This is him, this is the me before, the joke in everyone’s eyes.
To be honest, I hate him very much, very much, almost to the point of hating him.
Because he is too overestimated.
Isn’t it just that I didn’t have a mother when I was a child? What does this mean? What does this mean?
Although he doesn't say it on the surface, I know that he is very envious. He is very envious of children who have mothers, so he really wants to get more. Therefore, he would rather be treated like a joke than to be treated like a joke.
He cuddles up to others shamelessly.
He thought he was walking happily holding hands with others, but in fact, he was licking their thighs like a dog.
People threw bones to him, but he thought it was friendship. When he was licking someone's thigh, he didn't even see the fooling look in his eyes.
Poor, so pitiful...
Isn’t it just that I don’t have a mother? If I don’t have one, then I don’t have one! Isn’t it good for you to live a good life by yourself?
Friends? What kind of friends do you want? Haven’t you seen clearly what kind of virtue people are like? Do you have to wait until you really see it all before you are willing to run away?
Why, why couldn't it be earlier, why couldn't it be earlier and stay away from everyone...
Huang Xiaobei hugged his legs tightly and buried his head deeply in his knees.
I don't want to watch it, I really don't want to watch it anymore...
"Who can help me? Who can help me?"
Once again I heard the helpless call of that good-for-nothing, and once again I heard his despairing voice.
Huang Xiaobei buried his head firmly in his knees, and suddenly clenched his fists! There was a sound of knuckles cracking together.
I really don't want to watch it anymore...
Karl was still talking about his principles, his outlook on life, and his understanding of the world.
But in summary, there is only one sentence: the world is beautiful.
A sly smile suddenly flashed across Huang Xiaobei's blurred eyes.
Turning his head and looking at Karl beside him with a smile, Huang Xiaobei asked with a smile.
"Is the world really a beautiful place?"
——————————
"The body will be cremated tomorrow. Sign here."
Huang Xiaobei stared at the "Cremation Sheet for the Remains of the Deceased" in front of him without crying, and stretched out his hand to take it blankly.
The doctor looked at him and flipped the report in his hand, "Do you still want to say goodbye?"
Huang Xiaobei lowered his head and said in a hoarse voice.
"No, I want to be alone..."
"After the cremation, you need to go to the police station as soon as possible to cancel the account, sign some more forms, and deal with all the life relationships of the deceased. After the inheritance, remember to send over the remaining medical expenses."
Huang Xiaobei clenched the cremation sheet in his hand, his voice as weak and helpless as a mosquito.
"No, I don't have the money to buy a cemetery."
The doctor frowned.
"Are there no other family members? Then you can consider burial at sea. Many people do this now. After all, the price of the cemetery is very realistic. Of course, if you don't want to deal with it, you can also just leave it to the cremation unit and they will help.
If you agree, then sign an order with me."
Huang Xiaobei finally raised his head.
The dim light illuminated his young and bloodless face, his pupils were dull and even ruptured, and his lips were chapped and bleeding. He looked almost exactly like the man with eyes covered by white cloth inside.
Looking at the doctor wearing a mask, standing in the corridor in front of the dim morgue, he weakly shook the cremation sheet in his hand, forcing his death-like face to reveal a smile.
"I, I will borrow it."
The doctor looked at him, pushed up his glasses, and nodded.
"Well, you can, but if something unexpected happens in the future, don't say anything bad. After all, the hospital has already waived a lot of fees for you, otherwise you would owe more than just a cemetery."
"Thank you, thank you, then, I'll borrow it."
Huang Xiaobei bowed slowly to the doctor and watched him leave.
The sound of leather shoes clicking on the marble corridor resounded, and the angel in white didn't want to continue communicating with this person who still had a future, so he strode away.
Along with the sound of leaving footsteps, a faint voice came from the doctor's dark and upright back.
"It would be nice to be happy as soon as possible. He is going to die anyway, so what's the use of delaying for so many days, haha."
The dilated pupils blinked slightly, and the doctor's cold white figure gradually became illusive in front of his eyes. Huang Xiaobei opened his dry mouth, wanting to say something, but found that he could not say anything.
Hysterical roaring has never had anything to do with him.
Despair and anger brought him a lot, but he could do very little.
There were no tears in my eyes, so my plan to fight back with tears was finally solved.
So, standing motionless in front of the morgue, he could only whisper in his heart.
"That's my dad, the one who stays with me all the time, the one who plays with me, puts me to sleep, and tells me stories. Do you understand?"
He hoped to hear an answer, but as the footsteps became farther and farther away, all he was left with was deathly silence.
Time seems to have passed a long time.
He stood blankly in front of the door of the morgue, holding the "Cremation Form" in his hand, staring at his toes with dilated pupils, and whispered to himself.
"I just want him to spend more time with me, I just want him to spend more time with me, that's it, that's it."
Before leaving, Huang Xiaobei glanced at the closed door of the morgue. Under the dim light, the three big characters were so clear.
He knew that the person who doted on him was lying inside right now.
He really wanted to go in again, but he didn't dare.
He is not afraid of anything else, he is afraid of himself thinking about the future.
In the past, when I had a father, I didn't have to think about anything, but now, I don't have any more.
He is afraid.
——————————
No one lent to me, not even loan sharks.
It's understandable, because I can't afford it at all, so no one will lend it to me.
After my father left, I was left alone. For a poor person like me, who even had problems with food and clothing, how could anyone be willing to lend me money?
Everyone is compassionate, but how long does compassion last?
A beggar comes to beg from you, and you see that he is pitiful and gives alms to him.
He came again the next day, and you saw how pitifully he gave him alms.
But what about the third day? What about the fourth day?
Without sympathy, all you can see about that beggar is disgust and disgust.
Now I am that beggar in everyone's eyes, that disgusting beggar.
Therefore, no one will be willing to help me anymore.
The world is very realistic, and I am also very useless. I really want my father to die more comfortably, and I don’t want him to be buried at sea in the so-called way.
What is burial at sea? The ashes are thrown into the sea.
What does the cremation unit do for me? Throw the ashes into the trash can.
It's normal, because my father's ashes are very important to me, but to other people, they are a bad thing. If you can take care of my feelings and help me throw them away, it is already a pity for me, right?
Dad really didn't notice this before he left.
When he is around, I don't have to think about anything, and I don't have to see so many cruel things. I just want to be happy.
I miss him very much.
But now he is gone and I am alone.
what do I do?
I don’t want my dad to be thrown away. I want him to be comfortable. What should I do? Is anyone willing to help me?
No one, no one.
Well, it's really good and indifferent.
I don’t want to ask for help anymore, and I don’t want to hear the whispers of the devil in my heart anymore.
Touching his red and swollen forehead, Huang Xiaobei hugged tightly the last thing his father left in this world.
But no, no, dad, and dad, we can't let him be abandoned like this, I have to find a way, I...I will kneel again, I will be that disgusting beggar in the eyes of everyone,
It doesn't matter even if I hear their horrible voices, as long as they can help me, as long as someone is willing to help me!
so I!
A home that is so quiet that it’s deathly silent.
Huang Xiaobei hugged the last thing his father left for him and huddled in the dark corner of the room, feeling lifeless.
Go stay with dad, this is the only thing I can do.
I don't want to see him thrown away, I really... don't want to.
Remittance, one hundred thousand. (To be continued)