Chapter 1572: No need for maturity and rationality, just seriousness
Connor's father in "I Am Sam" can be said to have been mentioned the most by many people.
Because there are really too many fathers like this.
"Connor's father actually represents those win-lose-oriented parents in real life. They hope that their children will perform perfectly, and they are afraid that their children will consume their "self-confidence" because of failure. Therefore, they have problems in raising children.
There are all kinds of fears. I am afraid that if I make a wrong move, I and my child will lose. So when my children are young, I try not to let them cry, not let them fall when walking, and even not allow children to fail when playing with toys.
It can be said that we don’t know when to start, so let’s let the children win at the starting line. It is often this kind of thinking that really allows the children to win?
In fact, such an approach not only deprives children of their ability to learn to control their emotions, protect themselves and solve problems, but also deprives parents of their own opportunities to grow, because we have never experienced our own pain when our children "lose"
In terms of psychological endurance, naturally I have not thought about how to help children establish a correct attitude towards "losing". Rather than being afraid of their children "losing", it is actually because parents themselves cannot afford to lose.
However, no one’s life is smooth sailing. Children will have the experience of losing sooner or later. We might as well choose to accompany our children from now on to experience the feeling of losing. At least at this stage, the cost of our trial and error will not be too great.
We need to let our children understand that losing is just a bruise on a person's body, not a tattoo. Although it may hurt at the moment, this pain is only temporary. Only by learning from failure and moving forward will you become stronger."
"You're absolutely right. Children nowadays are really suffering. There is a friend's child who has weekends off and other classmates are happy, but he cries very sadly. When asked why, his answer is depressing.
He said that if there was a holiday, he would go to various training classes and spend more time in school than usual. It was a holiday for others, but he was not at all!
As a result, the child was depressed a while ago. Now he has stopped going to school and refuses to go out at home!
It’s really time to reflect on this!”
"It feels like Rita in the movie always thinks her child is rebellious, but she doesn't understand why her son rejects her, even though she walks around the big city several times after get off work just to help her son find his beloved scooter. , but her son didn’t even say thank you; she didn’t understand why her son didn’t want to get in her car when she gave up work to pick her son up from school.
We believe that many of our parents are like this and don’t understand what their children want.
But in fact, there is a voice behind every rebellious child, and this voice is called helplessness. In fact, the rebellious child needs you more than it seems.
The child is just constantly testing his parents in this way. He feels that only in this way can he attract the attention of his parents. He uses this seemingly "rebellious" way to constantly call for his parents to come closer and for his parents to give them more help.
With more attention and help, I can have an exclusive date with him."
"Nowadays, there are many "Brain C" fans, who are not very young. I am a reporter. I have done a survey in this area, and I found a very sad problem, that is, these people often have good family conditions.
They are actually very smart, but they all have one thing in common: their parents are always busy and have no time to accompany them.
And the reason why they gather together and chase a certain star crazily is just because they think this will make their lives "interesting"! Some people even do this just because they want to attract the attention of their parents.
Unfortunately, the result is exactly the opposite.
In fact, to a certain extent, it is not a lack of education that makes them feel lonely, so they do something crazy in an attempt to attract their parents' attention.
For example, someone deliberately does poorly on an exam in the hope of being noticed by his parents, but the result is that his parents don’t care about his grades at all!
He can’t even attract his parents’ attention with his academic performance, so what else can he do?”
"The movie "I Am Sam" undoubtedly reminds us that sometimes we think everything we do is for our children, but no one can stop and quietly observe the true inner needs of children. And Lucy
The reason why she only wants Sam to be her father is because Sam not only sees Lucy’s appearance, but also the psychological needs behind her daughter’s behavior through appearance. And this process does not require any parenting skills, all it requires is
Love and companionship.
I hope all parents can establish this kind of emotional connection with their children, and can look each other in the eyes and say "I see you" to each other!"
"Yes, I feel that many of us are not as good as Sam, who has an IQ of only 7 years old."
"Yes, I am also a father myself. Anyway, I just don't talk about homework. A father is kind and his son is filial. When I talk about homework, I am all over the place! It's too difficult!"
"His IQ is only 7 years old, but he understands children better
Although Sam's intelligence level is only equivalent to that of a 7-year-old child, we have to admit that in terms of parenting, Sam's emotional intelligence is higher than most parents. In the film, the lawyer for the regional education official asked Sam, "Why do you think you can raise children?"
she?"
Sam used his limited vocabulary to express his definition of a good parent intermittently - "I...have a lot of time...you see...thinking about being a parent...the conditions for success...the most important thing is consistency...the important thing is patience...
And listening...and...and pretending to hear even when you can't hear...even if you don't want to listen at all...and...she said she needs love."
I really shed tears! In fact, we all understand the truth, but if we actually do it, how many can do it like Sam?"
"The most profound impression in the movie, I think, is the time Sam spends with his daughter. Really, many of us can't do that.
This chapter is not over yet, please click on the next page to continue reading! And when Sam responds to his daughter’s childish questions, he always answers them seriously. How many people can do the same?"
"Consistency in the film is not about Sam reading Lucy the same bedtime story consistently for seven years.
Although it feels... weird, the same story has been told for seven years! But to put it another way, what is Sam doing? What he is doing is to accompany him all the time and stick to all the agreements.
There is no "Let's go next time", there is no "Let's talk another day", there is no "Forget it today".
The ratio of family population under family planning is usually 4:2:1. Being surrounded by grandparents makes the child seem to never be "lack of love", but it does not mean that the company of parents can be replaced.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, yes, I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Dad, it's okay. Don't be sad, I'm lucky, other people's fathers won't take their children to the park."
The child's simple words can't help but shock people. I want to ask, how many fathers do we have who would take their children to the park to play?
Not to mention every week, even every month, how many people can do it?
Maybe the child can do it when he is young, but what about when he gets older? How long can he persist?
If Sam is unique, then Sam's lawyer Rita in the film is a character who ignores family affection and is severely hit back by family affection.
It is also a character in which many people can find their own shadow.
Her parent-child relationship is the complete opposite of Sam's.
Rita is a successful lawyer, and the oldest child in her family can ride a bicycle. However, due to her busy work schedule, she always ignores her son's confessions, which gradually creates an insurmountable conflict between mother and son.
"My son hates me and I yell at her all the time. He's seven years old because he won't get in the car after school. When I pick her up every day, he looks at me with tears in his eyes.
Angry, I was going to collapse at that moment, I know I failed you, I know I let you down, I know you deserve a better life, but can you please get in the car now!"
You can see the shadow of many parents in Rita. She refuses to listen to her children, thinks they are childish words, ignores the needs of her children, and thinks they are just being petty. I know I know, I know you
I just saw an insect that you have never seen before. I know that the lunch at your school today is very delicious. I know that there is a new transfer student in your class. I know that I know it, but now, you first go to yourself
Go play for a while.
The sharing of children's joyful emotions is the driving force for them to understand the world, while bad emotions are like extra burdens on them, which will affect children's attention. Listening carefully to children's joy and emotion, and listening to their fears and anger is to listen to them.
Children are educated to be equal, treat others equally, and treat themselves equally.
We always hope that our children will become successful, we always like to let our children grow up the way we want them to grow up and become successful as we imagine them to be, but we ignore what our children think!
There is a section in the video where Lucy recited the process of a larva becoming a butterfly in a natural science class, and she stuttered. Sam encouraged her beside him, "There is too much content, it is difficult to remember." Lucy was immediately relieved and revealed
With a confident smile, she completed the next speech. Lucy's classmate Connor's homework was very advanced, with PPT, pictures, introductions, and arrows for detailed explanations. But little Connor also stuttered, Connor's
His father, a successful man in a suit and tie, frowned and kept correcting him, looking very threatening.
At this time, Sam whispered in Lucy's ear: "I don't think he should embarrass that child."
Parents often pay more attention to grades and forget whether their children are happy because of their high expectations for their children. They help their children do exquisite extracurricular homework, but they don't know how to give their children an understanding and encouraging smile when they are nervous.
Many times we need to figure out whether we really love our children or the children we expect, shield ourselves from the interference of our own subjective thoughts, and truly be aware of our children's needs. This is the key to parenting, and Sam makes up for his IQ by using it.
Whether it is Connor's father or Sam's lawyer, although they have successful careers, their lack of the most important part of parenting has resulted in a vicious cycle of resistance from their children - the children's way of expressing dissatisfaction.
The way is to make yourself run counter to your expectations. The more you want me to do something, the less I will do it."
The results are naturally self-evident.
Although "I Am Sam" is also popular in North America, it is not as popular as in China.
All I can say is that when it comes to children’s education, no one, no country, can compare to domestic parents.
So "I Am Sam" is obviously a foreign language film, but it ended up doing very well at the domestic box office.
You know, this movie is just a drama, there are no big scenes.
You can see it from the ratings.
Although "I Am Sam" was considered a success in North America, with a score of around 8, on the domestic popular film review website, it actually exceeded 9!
As a parenting columnist said:
"In the adult world, there is a standard for everything around you. This standard will seem to be extremely correct, logical, moral, legal, and consistent with everything that can be conformed to. But because of another law, these standards will instantly become less so.
beauty.
The rule is that extreme reason is calm and cruel.
For a child, a strange child, we hope that she can grow up in a beautiful and peaceful environment. This is not for that specific child, but for such a group. We must start to do it and help this "unfortunate" child
When you create a perfect environment, the adult standards come into effect. According to the adult standards, this child needs a sound family. The parents of this family need to have normal IQ and EQ, have the obligation to support the child, and they need to live in harmony.
With their abilities, they will provide their children with a future full of opportunities. There may be a piano, violin, and multiplication table in the independent room. The child will have a complete education. As long as she works hard enough, she will have a future that is superior to others.
.
They are assumed that because they have normal IQ, EQ and decent identity, they can cope with all the problems the child encounters on the way to growth, such as rebellion and loneliness in adolescence.
However, every child is different.
How do you know that what your child needs is what you think he needs?
Lucy and Sam may just be playing a father and daughter pretending game, so in the eyes of adults, they are too naive in this game, and they are wrong. This child should not exist in a game, she deserves the best.
reality.
But what if this game is everything to them? What if this game is their reality? Just like life is to us. It’s just that the proposition of life is too huge, so we can have different small lives in life, give up one and still have
One, one can be crushed by the other, and the other can force us to give up the one we want to have.
And what happens when this life becomes Sam and Lucy's only game?
In the game, I am your father and you are my daughter. The duration of this game is a lifetime.
The word game may be too cruel and inappropriate to use here.
But I always think of the days when I was a child and seriously used sand as rice and pot base.
Sometimes, when dealing with this world, we don’t have to be mature and rational, we just need to be serious.”
