"Be filial when you are a relative, and be kind when you are next to others. Be kind, gentle, upright, respectful, thrifty, and modest. Do not be overbearing or arrogant, do not criticize or deceive. This is the ancient admonition, and you should abide by it."
"Although my son is not sensitive, I dare not bear it."
This is the last sentence of the imperial concubine's polite reply to her on the day when the Buddha blessed her hairpin. After the ceremony, the second concubine congratulated her, held the crown for the second time, thanked those who praised the crown for the second time, congratulated all the ministers for the third time, and congratulated the rest of the class.
According to the usual practice, the ceremony for Zhao Guan's eldest daughter and her hairpins lasted for a whole day.
Foyou knew that his father actually did not like these complicated etiquettes. When the reclusive eldest mother (Empress Dowager Zheng) specifically mentioned it to her father, she and her sister Shenyou sat quietly next to them and teased the parrots. During the break, she glanced quietly.
At a glance, I saw my father frowning subconsciously.
Fu Mu said that getting her haircut is one of the most important moments in every little lady's life.
So she abandoned those unintelligent little beasts, walked up to her father with her skirt in hand, raised her head and asked, "Dad, will you come?"
Dad smiled and hugged her and said, "Why don't you come?"
——This is a promise, Foyou thought.
Later, Foyou also performed the canonization ceremony and the descending ceremony. When she thought about this scene, she slowly realized that in fact, if she didn't tell her, her father would still hold a ceremony for her. Even if it didn't work, it was because her father thought it was red tape, not because it was inappropriate.
Because I like her.
But the fifteen-year-old Foyou has never been sure. She seems to have been living in fear and uneasiness, from childhood to adulthood, from north to south.
When people in Da Nei mentioned the three princesses, they all said that the eldest princess was elegant and dignified, the second princess was restrained and quiet, and the younger princess was pure and Mingyi. Foyou wrote these twelve words on paper and broke them in big characters.
When I catch my eye, I feel that it is clearly saying that she is dignified, God bless the cowardly, and Yiyou is innocent and lively.
Foyou felt very satisfied.
She was actually precocious. When she was first taken home at the age of five, she heard the elder palace servants around her gossiping about the suffering of the two princesses, but she would probably forget about it in the future, since she was still young after all.
Foyou hugged Shenyou and silently pretended to be asleep, thinking: How could he not remember it? Even Shenyou remembered it.
It's true that she can't remember her old days in the palace. She only remembers the eldest lady's thin and strong hands, the husky and gentle words of comfort from the empress Jiang, and the desperate and sad expressions of her sisters and aunts. She and Shenyou use the unique words of children.
With his clear and dead eyes, he watched the men with wild beards and long hair coming and going, and listened to the sharp cries and curses one after another. He gradually became weak and sobbing submissively until he could no longer make a sound.
Foyou actually didn't know what they were doing. She only felt fear and terror. The eldest sister was with her at that time. She cried and hugged her and Shenyou tightly, muttering "No" and "No"
”.
She didn't know what the eldest sister wanted, and she didn't know whether the eldest sister was as scared as she was, or whether she was afraid of her. Later, the eldest sister just cried, but couldn't shed any tears. Foyou hesitated for a long time and whispered to
The eldest sister said: "It's okay, Buddha, I'm not afraid."
The eldest sister's tears came again. She put her face against hers and told her sadly: "This is wrong...Buddha! You should be afraid!"
The older sister who taught her to be afraid finally made her truly afraid that night.
Those men broke into the dressing room, but abnormally they didn't look for anyone else. They directly asked someone and came towards them. The eldest sister was pressed down by the men and cried. The eldest lady shouted at the top of her lungs: "She is only eight years old.
!eight……"
What's the use? The eldest lady was beaten until she staggered, and then another man pressed on her. Those men must be very heavy, so heavy that the eldest lady couldn't bear it, and she stabbed the man with a piece of broken pottery bowl on the ground.
throat. Then the courtyard became a mess. The eldest lady, Jiang lady, and the ladies all stopped moving like that man, followed by the sisters and brothers.
When the man pointed the blood-soaked knife at the youngest Foyou and Shenyou, he was finally stopped. She vaguely heard a voice: "Are there only two little princesses left?"
Foyou slowly moved his eyes away and looked at Shenyou. His sister's eyes were straight, with a look of fear on her face.
My sister seemed to be scared out of her wits.
They live better than before.
She and her younger sister were moved into a separate small courtyard, and soon two older sisters moved in. It was said that they were some kind of palace servants who came to serve them.
Foyou quickly accepted these facts, and also accepted that people kept coming to the small courtyard to look at her and Shenyou and curse them. Once, a person named "Fourth Prince" happened to bump into the curser.
The man scolded her, and the courtyard became much quieter from then on. Before leaving, the fourth prince shook his head and looked at her and sighed: "Your father..."
He didn't finish his words, but Foyou was not curious. She just lowered her head and thought that the robe he was wearing looked so good and must be very warm.
But the two palace servants who called her and Shenyou "Your Highness" seemed to think that the word "your father" was extremely important, so they would tell her in a whisper on weekdays that his father was an official from the south and that he defeated the Jin people.
, he will take them home.
Foyou didn't care about this. She just listened, remembered, and then smiled. She knew that the palace people liked this. When they saw this smile, they would caress her braid with pity and hug her.
Just like the elder sister and the eldest lady in the past. Until one time, the palace man said that he could live in this courtyard because of his father.
That dad is so awesome. Foyou responded to the palace man for the first time. Shenyou next to him lowered his head blankly.
The palace man laughed and then sighed.
Dad is really awesome.
Foyou quickly understood this fact. After she and Shenyou were sent back to Tokyo, they adapted quickly as always. At first they lived in a big house, and soon they lived with Pan Niangniang.
But she quickly realizes who is the real master.
Fu Mu began to teach her etiquette poems and books, and the palace people told her the story of her father's wisdom and martial arts. Foyou gradually understood that her father was an official, the emperor who saved her and her sister, and saved billions of people. She always felt
Something seemed wrong, but she didn't know if she should question it. Looking at Shenyou's timid and reserved expression, she slowly stopped questioning it.
——Some people say that daddy doesn’t like them.
Rumors were always forbidden. The official family did not like her and Shenyou, and the official family disliked the fathers, brothers, wives, and concubines who returned from the north. The official family... No matter what, the rumors were always directly or indirectly related to Dad.
Foyou sometimes wonders, is it true?
When my sister Yiyou was born, my father was so happy. People said that this name was a symbol of the official's favor. As for Foyou and Shenyou? Who doesn't know that Zhao Guan's family has the least respect for these gods and Buddhas now. They don't know how to scrape off their gold powder for military expenses.
How much.
Before sister Yiyou was born, there was the incident of "Yiyou Men Tuo Gu", the "Battle of Yaoshan", and a general amnesty for the world when she was born. As for Buddha You and Divine Blessing? When they came back, the officials couldn't bear to see them, so they entrusted them to
They arrived at the residence of Uncle Wu Guo. Their arrival symbolized the national humiliation of Jingkang, mixed with a feeling of mourning that was almost a family mourning.
Foyou has always been immersed in uneasiness. At first, she was afraid that "daddy" would be as vicious as the men she had met. Later, when she understood, she was afraid that her father would really dislike them. Then Yiyou was born, and she
Knowing that her worries have become true and proven false——
Daddy really loves Yiyou, but he is also very kind to himself and Shenyou. He will patiently coax Shenyou with gentle words, so that she gradually forgets the terrible memories imprinted in her mind; he will remember that he loves reading, and from then on
There is no taboo about whether she is watching "Zhenguan Politico" or "Legend of Romance".
Foyou often thinks that her father loves Yiyou, but what about her and Shenyou? She didn't think it was love, but later she understood that it was pity. Foyou didn't understand this feeling at first, but it didn't stop her from taking advantage of her father's pity.
, test it bit by bit.
She likes to drag Shenyou around and pester her father. She is afraid that his father will abandon them again - I don't know whether this "again" is because of the vague memories of her childhood, the years of wandering in the north, or the contrast between Yiyou and maybe both.
Foyou almost subconsciously made her father aware of their existence, but she also had to admit that being with her father was always happier than being with Pan and Empress Wu.
Dad took them out of the palace to find food according to the "Tokyo Dream Record" presented by Zhao Xianggong. On the way, Foyou asked questions in a soft voice. Sometimes Dad couldn't answer, so he would look sideways at Yang Tongzhi. They all say Shengming.
Zhuzhao, but she always felt that Yang Tongzhi seemed to know more than her father. When her eyes lit up and she looked over, Yang Tongzhi would calmly take a step back from her father.
Her father also took her and Shenyou and Yiyou to look at the gunpowder. A loud explosion made Yiyou burst into tears and Shenyou was frightened. Foyou opened his eyes wide and turned his attention to her father. She felt that his father had a hidden secret for this.
She felt proud of herself, so when she went back she tugged on her father's sleeve and asked why the sound was so loud. Her father was really interested and talked a lot. Foyou couldn't understand most of it, and he was even more confused afterward, but she
She still said "Ah!" "Oh!" "That's it!" familiarly. Sometimes she glanced to the side casually, and she could always notice that Empress Wu was holding a book, with a look on her face that was full of desire to speak but was hesitant to speak.
But life is never pleasant.
After his father appointed Ying Xiang, that is, Yue Yun, as his consort, his father-in-law took the banner of "Serve the Country with Loyalty" and rode through the palace, out of Xuande Tower, and back across the Imperial Street. Everyone in the palace knew about these things that day. The palace people
He congratulated her kindly. She had been taught by Fu Mu for several years and had read some books. She knew what it meant, so she nodded and smiled gently and dignifiedly, but she was panicked in her heart.
Is daddy tired of her? Why did he decide her "place" so early? Is this Yue Yun very vicious? I heard that no one with ambition is willing to be a consort, so is he an idle man with no ability?
Hate yourself?
——The most important thing is, will he treat himself like those men treat the eldest lady, sisters and aunts?
Foyou didn't ask, and she didn't even show signs of fear at the age of seven or eight, because this was her father's decision, and her father was the official who rescued her. She was the eldest sister, and she wanted to be the father who best suited the role of a princess.
Big girl. But soon, Foyou was worried about another thing, and she immediately couldn't care about it anymore.
Loss of integrity.
In fact, people have always talked about this matter. Those who serve as emperors are captured, those who serve as ministers are surrendered, and those who serve as wives are humiliated. These people who were thought to be dead were not dead, but were brought back. They were already criticized by others. Only she went with Shenyou.
She was one or two years old at the time, but only five years old when she returned. Her biological mothers, the eldest daughter and the empress Jiang, both died in the north, and no one dared to complain about the daughter of an official family.
But this time, Foyou heard someone say that his father was dissatisfied.
The two saints who brought the world to the world could still be respectfully regarded as a memorial arch. The noble family was just a guest. They stayed in the Kingdom of Jin for half a year and were loyal to the country. The concubines and princesses were well-dressed and well-fed. They were captured and could at least survive and return.
Later, there was a big house with good food and drink, and even the people to serve it.
And what about the common people? Men were killed, women were humiliated, how many children who had no worries about food and clothing became beggars after losing their parents, how many women who were bereft of their families became prostitutes, how many white-haired people watched their children and grandchildren die.
In front of me... why? Is your father the father of hundreds of people in the Zhao family? Is he the father of the royal family and famous officials? Shaoxing Zhongxing is the father of the common people!
What do the weeping concubines of Nangui have to complain about? She, Buddha Blessed, God Blessed, watched her mother and sister being humiliated before her eyes, so what right did she have to be pitied?
Foyou didn't know, but Foyou finally couldn't bear it anymore. Regardless of the palace officials' obstruction, she sternly asked Feng Erguan to take her to the place where her father was shooting arrows. She burst into tears in front of her father, who was full of astonishment, and said she was sorry intermittently.
——I'm sorry, I should have died in the north a long time ago.
The emotion in her words was 70% true and 30% false. Her fear was true fear, and her hatred was true hatred.
For the first time, Foyou realized that she could really hate her. She asked her father in front of all the staff on duty and the ministers who had not had time to retreat, what was right? Why did the three-four-year-old and seven-eight-year-old grandsons commit suicide?
Isn’t it the only thing that can be said to be good? Do the eldest empress, empress Jiang and others have to commit suicide from the beginning to be perfect? Is it true that the thousands of women raised as canaries in the backyards of the two saints and kings must not only be tactful and charming, but also have a simple life?
To be pitied if you contribute to the country? How miserable must you be to be pitied without any grudge?
His father was furious. Later, Officer Lan purged the palace officials, and Commander Yang investigated the rumors.
Foyou finally asked his father: "Will you let me and my second sister go?"
Daddy leaned over and touched her bun, sighed slightly and said, "Why don't you want it?"
At that moment, she thought of her mournful elder sister, and tears fell silently but violently.
Since then, Foyou has become more and more like the beautiful words of her best friend Fan Hezeli. Both she and Shenyou are sensitive to the emotions of others, while Shenyou is just careful to avoid it, but she is trying to take advantage of it.
.She prefers Big Mama and Empress Wu, but gradually she can listen to Mama Wei and Empress Pan chatting all afternoon, as if she is very interested.
Then, she also met the legendary Yue Yun.
Most of the ladies and mothers in the palace disagreed, and the ministers on duty also hesitated to speak, but dad said it was okay, so Foyou spent the afternoon with Yue Yun. She once asked dad, but dad hesitated.
I have been saying for a long time that he is definitely capable of martial arts.
But when Foyou saw it, he felt a little silly.
It was not easy to meet Yue Yun. His father was away at war all year round. The first time I met Yue Yun was at the end of the year, when Foyou was already more than seven or eight years old.
Foyou was actually a little nervous, so she went to the pavilion where her father often stayed to wait for him. Her father didn't prohibit them from going anywhere, so the pavilion was the place Foyou wanted to come to the most. She had used it to have fun countless times.
He quietly walked around and watched his father and husband talking and doing things from a distance.
This man named Yue Yun is not as tall as Foyou imagined. Foyou has actually met those famous commanders, although he can't tell which one was given the "loyalty to serve the country" by his father.
Yes, there is no way to find the youngest one as Madam Pan said - they both look so powerful and powerful. And Yue Yun is only slightly shorter in stature, generally strong and tanned.
Compared with Wu Niang's nephew, he indeed lacked the handsomeness and suaveness that made the girl's heart beat, but Foyou didn't care.
This is what daddy chose.
Foyou looked at him, who was even more uneasy than she was, with her head lowered, as if her future wife's face was on the ground. She smiled, invited him to sit down in a gentle voice, offered tea, and induced him to talk without leaving any trace. Foyou
She didn't know whether it was because Yue Xiaodu was too stupid, or because she was afraid that her father belonged to the Zhao family. For the first time, she felt that she felt what her father was feeling when he was sitting here.
...But something seems to be different.
In fact, they didn't talk to each other for long. When they were leaving, Foyou returned the gift in full and looked at Yue Yun's wheat-colored face. It was strange that she looked at Yue Yun's back.
When she asked the most upright little palace lady around her if she was blushing, the palace lady bluntly replied: "No."
Her heart skipped a beat. Those romantic romances, poems and songs all said that pretty young ladies would blush whenever they saw their husband. However, no matter what she did, she couldn't make her blush like a girl? She
Is she still the princess who lives up to expectations?
However, the future prince-in-law is not the romantic Takutokuro either.
"He looks like a stupid goose," Foyou said to his enthusiastic father, "but he is very black and strong."
"How do you like it?"
Foyou thought to herself that if she likes someone, she must "stand up for someone", but she still misses her father's love and the mood of God's blessing, and she still remembers the unfinished Hanshu and the unfinished Journey to the West...
There are so many things worthy of her "Li Zhongxiao"!
So she chose the safest answer and said sweetly: "I like daddy."
Dad showed that familiar complex expression again, which was completely different from the pure joy he showed towards Yiyou, but generally it was good.
Foyou rarely resists Yiyou now. She has found a good position for herself: the eldest sister. So she will not be as fragile as Shenyou, and she will still be afraid of strange servants because of the nightmare she once had.
When you get close, you won't be worried like Yiyou. From time to time, you will hear the helpless coaxing of Fu's mother and ladies. She will accompany the ignorant brothers gently, comfort Yiyou and Shenyou, and she will even
When she couldn't bear it anymore, she gently reminded Madam Pan not to be stupid.
But how should she treat the "consort"? Everyone said that the one who was given the gift of "loyalty to serve the country" was the one whom his father trusted and favored the most, and was the handsome minister who whipped the golden man. Foyou thought, then his father probably also wanted her
Let's have a good time with this prince-in-law.
She read poems, and in Yan Xiang's poems it was written "I want to send colored paper with ruler elements". She also wanted to write ruler letters, and many people sent "rule letters" to her father. Foyou asked Pan, Empress Wu, and Empress Wu all
She was so shocked that she boldly asked her father, who agreed.
It’s better for her father, Foyou thought when she wrote the pen. She actually didn’t have much to say, so she concentrated for a long time and just briefly talked about the excitement of her father taking her three sisters outside the palace, and then asked Yue Yun to give it to her.
He talked about the war and his recent interesting stories. The first reply was sent together with his father’s secret letter. After Foyou read it, he showed it to his father. His father commented with great interest: “With his father.
It’s like a secret note.”
Gradually, Yue Yun seemed to let go, and the things he talked about became more and more trivial. Sometimes Foyou couldn't help but feel a little surprised and a little doubtful - is it true? Don't just talk to me.
?But it doesn't matter, the stupid Goose could only exchange his father's stick for a scolding. She knew this as soon as she asked her father, and the reply was that she didn't know.
Foyou knew that Yue Yun most wanted to go to the battlefield and, like his father, be able to carry a large brocade through the inner palace and cross the Imperial Street and return home.
She does not have the mood of "pitiful bones beside the river, just like a woman in a spring boudoir's dream", nor can she "repent of teaching her husband and looking for a title". Foyou has seen too many bones and witnessed too many deaths. God
You turned nightmares into years of introversion and kindness, and she turned nightmares into hatred, which was engraved in her bones stroke by stroke. The eldest lady, the eldest lady Jiang, the eldest sister... everyone is in their bones.
A trace of blood.
In the autumn of the ninth year of Jianyan's reign, Yu was determined to kill. His father left the capital again to fight in person. Yue Yun wrote a letter saying that he would join the army with his father to kill the Jin people.
Foyou wrote back and said, "Great kindness."
Tokyo quickly became cold, and news from far away came to the palace in confusion. The eldest mother and the empress were not allowed to go out to play in the palace. If you don't want to go, you can't go. Foyou read the Records of Emperor Guangwu to Shenyou, and read the biographies of Guo Ziyi, Shenyou
Foyou always hugged the stove and slowly fell asleep to her voice. Then Foyou would ask the palace attendants to take candles to the table. She would read until late into the night, then pick out the things she didn't understand and write letters.
Ask dad once, and ask Yue Yun again.
She was too busy with the war, so she didn't reply frequently. The first one was still in the frosty season in late autumn, and the second one had already passed the New Year's Eve. That was the first time Foyou had received such a long letter, and Yue Yun told her how he killed someone.
He told the enemy that when he handed over his troops and horses to Damashio according to Zhang's command, the golden man who stood in front of him was ignorant... Finally, he described to her in detail the power of the thunderous thunder that overturned a city that day.
Yue Yun wrote on the paper that they killed many Jin people and captured the family members of the Jin people's high officials.
Foyou couldn't remember how she replied later, but she remembered that when she finished writing, she suddenly realized that her eyes were so sore that she couldn't open them. She talked about the skinny eldest lady, the gentle Jiang lady, and those despairs.
The dead aunts and sisters, the scenes of corpses lying on the ground while trekking along the way, and those ferocious and bestial golden men. She didn’t know how much she described, but the reply she received was very brief.
Ying Xiang said, I will help you take revenge and went straight back to Yanjing.
There was no self-righteous person who thought she was ignorant and turned around to inquire about the situation of the noble lady in the north, nor did she sympathize with and comfort her as a suffering "weak girl", nor was she like the noble ladies who returned to the south who were sympathetic to each other.
Foyou felt happy. She wanted to cry and laugh at the letter. In the end, she found that she couldn't shed tears, but she was not sad or desperate.
After years of fear, Foyou finally felt at ease and happy. Finally, someone saw those things as just a blood feud that deserved revenge. Finally, someone allowed her to happily tell the story of the terrifying days and nights in her memory. Finally, someone
When she can speak freely, she doesn't have to worry about whether she will be disliked, whether she will be pitied, whether the eldest lady and eldest sister will be thought of with dirty and obscene thoughts. Those who caused the death of the eldest lady can finally
Realizing the fear and despair of the past, someone can finally take her place and set foot on her hometown in the North again, as the king's master conquers.
She finally dared to dream of the eldest lady and tell her happily: Daddy has come to take revenge, and Foyou has a lover.
All these things are in the past, the year has begun again, and I am new.