Teacher Pan blushed a little and said angrily: "What art do you know? You can do it!"
Li Jiani also retorted: "I don't agree with you. This is not poisonous chicken soup. This is the correct value orientation. I think Mr. Chen from Empty Bottle Media is just nitpicking."
The host wanted to drop the topic, but Chen Shi continued: "You actually said that I am good at what I do, Mr. Pan, the industry you are engaged in is different from the industry I am engaged in, you can come to my company to find my professional deficiencies,
Can I say you can do it? I’m not judging you maliciously, I’m just giving you objective advice.
Since you all said that I can do it, I will do it. I am still a little familiar with comedy, so I will do a stand-up comedy. As for the evaluation of the lady next to me, I will automatically ignore it. After all, she
He is the current leader of the keyboard faction, and I cannot afford to offend him."
After Chen Shi finished speaking, he went on stage, leaving everyone else confused. However, the director and producer of the program team knew very well that Chen Shi actually did this after communicating with the program team.
Some programs that the program crews don’t want to create are not watched by anyone. Especially some celebrities like to fish in troubled waters to make quick money and have no intention of doing programs. The works they produce are not liked by people, and will also make the program crew take the blame and attract evil.
.
Therefore, some program teams will use harsh-tongued judges to comment on these artists and remind them that you should produce some sincere works.
This time, the role of the poisonous judge was played by Empty Bottle Media, because no one else was willing. But when Guo Chao heard about it at the time, wasn't this a professional match for Chen Shi? Moreover, Empty Bottle Media also offended everyone who should be offended.
Okay, these are the only ones left.
Fortunately, Chen Shi was left to do the talking. The program director signaled the staff to prepare the venue for Chen Shi and began to clear the venue. Teacher Pan and the host stood aside, leaving Chen Shi alone on the stage.
The program team also specially prepared a table for Chen Shi, with a microphone on the table. Chen Shi had participated in art evening performances in high school and college before, and also performed similar programs. At that time, as long as he participated, there would be prizes. Chen Shi was aiming for the prizes.
Go.
"Hey, hey, hey! This voice is so nice and the sound effect is so good. Today I will give you a stand-up comedy called {My Brother}. If talk shows are very popular now, many people say they are imported from the West. In fact, I
I suspect that people from the West came to our place to listen to stand-up comedy or storytelling, and then improved upon it. This is an export-to-domestic sale.
Without further ado, I have a buddy named Da Tou. The two of us are more like real brothers than real brothers. Da Tou and I were classmates in junior high school. We were really good friends. The encounter between me and him was quite dramatic.
Have you all been to an Internet cafe? More than ten years ago, Datou and I were still ignorant children. Datou and I were not very close at that time. One day, someone suggested that we all go to the Internet cafe together all night, and we all made an appointment to watch NBA Christmas together.
The game between the Lakers and the Celtics was a focal point at that time. There were six or seven basketball fans in our class, so they secretly left the dormitory that night.
At that time, there were boarding students and day students in the school, and most students chose boarding. Some of the students chose boarding because their homes were only a few hundred meters away from the school. The main reason was that they did not want to stay at home.
We climbed the wall at that time. Have you ever climbed it? As for the wall in the school, there were two gates in the school that were manned. The only best place to get out was the wall on the side of the teachers building. Climb over there without going around.
, just walk a few steps to the Internet cafe.
A few of us were preparing to climb out of the wall of the teacher's building. At that time, Datou and I took the lead, and we reached the two-meter-high wall in a whoosh.
Time stood still at that time. The eyes of Datou and I stopped at a 45-degree angle in the northeast. The other people who came up also stopped. At this moment, we discovered that we all have common hobbies. At this moment, we are so different
With such a tacit understanding, we had forgotten all about the basketball game. Only at this moment did we know what our hobbies were.
I watched the new physical education teacher and our chemistry teacher in the same room. The chemistry teacher and our math teacher were in a relationship. It was said that they were about to get engaged. Later, the chemistry teacher did become the wife of the math teacher.
Suddenly the physical education teacher looked back at us. He saw us and we saw him. He was on the third floor and we were on the wall more than two meters high. Then we stayed.
To tell you the truth, that night, we grew up overnight. After arriving at the Internet cafe, we faced the screen, put our hands on the keyboard, and explored together how to search for the answers we wanted."
Suddenly there was laughter from the audience. Chen Shi pointed at the audience and said with a smile: "I know, you must have been in the same Internet cafe with me that night. You see how you laughed. No wonder it was dawn that night. Download speed
It's always slow. It turns out that you well-dressed people are actually doing the same thing as us to steal the Internet speed.
Let’s get back to the subject, I was saying that I was afraid that if I broke the speed limit and my driver’s license would be deducted, don’t tell me, when it comes to driving, boys are really talented, self-taught, and they can drive very steadily.
From that moment on we knew one thing that in the face of love, basketball, games, etc. are actually not that important. Nothing is as important as love. If you say it is not important, you still don’t understand love or you don’t have love.
The friendship between Datou and I was established from that moment. When we returned to school, the physical education teacher gave us math tutoring for several days. As soon as school was over, he asked us to go to his office to tutor us in math. He didn’t say anything, but we knew
What he wanted to do, he also knew what we were thinking. This incident made us understand that love is complicated, so we didn't tell anyone what we saw that night.
Datou and I became roommates, and later we went to the same dormitory and became brothers with bunk beds. Datou told me that he wanted to fall in love, and I said that he should focus on studying. He was very ashamed when I said that, and then he devoted himself to
Get involved in learning.
At the end of the final exam, I held my girlfriend's hand and went to the park to play with Datou. Datou looked at me and I knew what he wanted to say. I told Datou that people always have to learn to make choices. You chose loneliness because
You are stronger than me, but I can't do it, so I chose to read with you and study with our monitor. I am a person without self-consciousness and I need someone to supervise me."
Datou said very angrily: "Fart, I also need someone to supervise me. We are no longer brothers at this moment. I like the monitor, and I also need his supervision. Are you still a human being? According to Young and Dangerous, you are called hooking up with the sister-in-law."
, to be served by the family law."
Datou looked at me, and at that moment we were no longer brothers, because Datou also liked the monitor, and I persuaded him to study. That time Datou got the best result in the final exam.
Seeing that this friendship was about to end, I suddenly pulled my head and said: "First of all! I no longer watch Young and Dangerous, I watch The Godfather. Secondly, you are younger than me, and I am your eldest brother. Although I have the squad leader,
But I didn’t want to lose my brother, and I could give up love for my brother, so I chose to break up with the monitor.”
At that time, the class monitor was confused and Datou was moved. I was even moved to tears by myself. At that moment, I felt that I was just a passionate young man who would go to the trouble of my brothers.
The monitor ran away angrily, and Da Tou chased after him to comfort the monitor. The monitor was moved by Da Tou's persistence, and they got together. However, the relationship ended soon, and Da Tou and the monitor broke up.
Datou and I were sitting on the court. Datou said: "Why didn't you tell me earlier that she was so good at eating? She had eaten up all the money in my meal card. If you had told me earlier, I would have given up on this relationship."
Ah, now I have nothing. In the coming days, I will have to eat steamed buns and porridge for half a month. How did you get here?"
At this moment, we understood that no matter how beautiful love is, it can't withstand the whipping of reality. The monitor can really eat. One person can eat as much as two people. We didn't have much pocket money at that time, and we didn't dare to talk to him.
Parents say that if you fall in love, you will be beaten.
I don’t know how to answer Datou’s question. I can’t tell Datou that there is mutual help in love, right? When I was in love with the class monitor, I discovered that our class monitor had an amazing appetite. She had eaten away even a dime of my card.
.
At this time, I discovered that there was a girl in the next class who ate very little every time she went to the cafeteria and left a lot of food, so I chose to pursue her. In the end, I pulled the monitor to have dinner with her. I told the monitor that this was
My cousin, I told that girl that the monitor was my cousin.
Guess what happened? The squad leader ate mine, and I ate the girl’s, and the girl was full after just two bites, so the three of me ate at noon. In order to prevent my lies from being exposed, I chose to give
My senior sister sent me a love letter. People always have to leave a way out for themselves. You said that I told Datou this because I was afraid that Datou would hate me because Datou fell in love with that girl who doesn't like eating very much...
·”
The audience collectively shouted: "Scumbag! Scumbag!!!"
Chen Shi pointed at the audience and said: "You can call me a warm baby, but you can't call me a scumbag. For example, I told my girlfriend that I slept with her, but I didn't say that I slept alone. She understood.
The question is, I said I was busy, but I didn’t say I was busy with work. I told her I wanted you and loved you, but I didn’t say I only wanted you and loved you. Do you think I’m a scumbag?
"
"Scumbag!" the audience laughed. Everyone knew that this was a performance, but in Li Jiani's eyes, she felt that Chen Shi was a scumbag. Is he talking about cross talk? This is self-narration, just like writing a biography on the spot.
Chen Shi was also amused by the audience. He laughed and said: "To be serious, my brother Datou had a fight with someone when he graduated from junior high school. It was because of love. It is said that he chased a girl. As a result,
Another boy also liked the girl, so he wanted to threaten Da Tou so that Da Tou would stop chasing that girl.
Da Tou was not convinced, so the two started fighting, and Da Tou won. Then they went to call for help, and were going to block Da Tou. Da Tou found me at that time, and I dared to touch my brother without saying a word. I can tolerate this.
?You watch Young and Dangerous when you are three, The Godfather when you are six, and Prison Break when you are ten. Are you guys afraid of these?
I put on my leather shoes at that time, but then I found that besides being good-looking, they were impractical, so I decided to change to a pair of running shoes. It’s not that I’m a coward, I’m afraid that if there are many people around me and I don’t hang out, many girls will be sad.
I live for them, not for me. In the end, I am a warm baby, not a scumbag.
At that time, Datou and I went to attend a meeting with a Hongtashan stick. During the process, we felt that Hongtashan did not reflect our domineering power and we had to focus on the details. The two of us pooled our money and bought a pack of Yuxi, which was also specially matched.
I bought a windproof lighter for two yuan.
When we arrived at the meeting place, I was dumbfounded. Oh no! The other party showed up with just two people. I thought how many people could come. If I wasn’t well prepared, I would go home early. The other party brought a blind dropout with him. I guess he wanted to
Let the other party scare Datou and me. After all, this kind of people are more than enough to scare us.
The other party was indeed arrogant and wanted to attack us. Fortunately, I was smart. When I finished my high school entrance examination, I asked for the contact information of our local bully’s sister Ruhua, and kept chatting with him in the name of Datou.
, and even sent her a photo of the big head, and she was very satisfied.
When Datou came to see me, I sent a message to Ruhua. Ruhua brought three blind streams and instantly cleaned up the blind stream of the other party. Later, I had a bad stomach and left first, and passed by the girl that Datou liked.
I borrowed her bathroom at home, and then chatted about postmodern literature with the female classmate. As a result, she became my girlfriend, and Datou became Ruhua’s boyfriend. We were both very happy."
"Bitch!"
"Scumbag!"
"Beast!"
"Please be a human being!"
The audience in the audience laughed and cursed at the same time. Everyone was sympathizing with Big Tou for having such a brother.
Chen Shi continued: "Since Datou and I went to high school together, Ruhua has been visiting him every now and then. Datou has lost weight, and Ruhua has also lost weight. Anyway, during that summer vacation, every time Datou said goodbye to Ruhua, I was the one riding there.
When I picked him up, he said he had no strength. I asked him to exercise more, but he said he was weak because he exercised too hard. I don’t understand, everyone, I’m still a child!
Look at the eldest sister and the eldest brother next door, smiling so obscenely, what are you thinking? Ruhua is running ten kilometers a day to lose weight with her big head, hum! When I look at you, you have graduated from kindergarten, you are no longer innocent."
There was a roar of laughter from the audience, and Chen Shi's words made everyone laugh again.
"Li Li, after all, I laugh, Da Tou is still my best brother, and I only care about him! Zhengyi, I sometimes think about it, how come Da Tou has accumulated so much virtue in his life that he met someone like this?
我这么个重情重义的兄弟.”陈实一脸欠揍的表情说道,结果台下观众集体回了他一句厚颜无耻.
"Okay! You said I'm shameless and I admit it, because at least you didn't deny that I have good looks, right? Let's talk about my high school life with Datou. Datou was obsessed with cars in high school. Until the college entrance examination was about to take place, he would do it every day.
I was busy looking at which driving school had the cheapest tuition. At that time, I comforted him and said, some things are already there when you are born. If you don’t have them, just work hard and maybe you can become a driver.
One day when I was reading a car magazine, I went over and said to him: Look, this Geely is just like our squad leader. The family is rich and powerful, and the family has a solid foundation. If you like it, you can go to Pakistan and buy it with money. Great Wall is a typical partial science.
As a student, SUVs are good, but sedans are just average. BYD is also a partial subject, ranking first in new energy every year, and not so good in other categories. Changan is a bit like a teacher’s kid, with average grades but not outstanding.
Roewe and MG are of mixed race. Although their grades are average, they are handsome. Look at the two in the corner who are immersed in homework, do they look like Chery, and the one doing homework towards him look like Zotye?
And Hongqi is like the literary clerk of our class. Do you still remember my father, the principal, in his freshman entrance speech? What kind of car do you think you look like, Datou? "
Chen Shi imitated Datou and thought for a long time before saying: "Are they all domestically produced cars? Then I'll take Ferrari."
Then he imitated his own context at that time and shook his hand and said: "Datou, I think you are a 28 bicycle, and I am a Xiaoniao electric bicycle. I am not boasting about our family backgrounds and academic performance. It's just around the corner of the school."
The two of us must clean the same street. From now on we will be not only classmates but also colleagues."
"Be a human being! Be nice to Datou!" the audience roared.
Chen Shi said calmly: "You have wronged me. I have been very kind to Datou. I have thought that I will sweep the streets clean in the future. If Datou's son wants to sleep on the street, it will be clean."
But then I thought, if I sweep too clean and don’t leave any dirt, wouldn’t Big Tou and his son even have to eat the dirt?”
"Bitch!"
"Beast!"
"Bad guy!"
The audience in the audience shouted that the director had turned off the video recorder. This was a small improvisational theater. The director did not expect it to be so good. Several performers backstage who were preparing to fish in troubled waters were rushing to write a script, preparing to replace one with a script of a better performance.
I will prepare a routine performance.
Most of them are a team. They basically don't need to rehearse. They just apply a few performances. Now they have to come up with some programs to be performed on a big platform. Chen Shi's interference makes them a little unhappy and they can't mix.
It’s been a few issues, and I must come up with some good works.
Chen Shi continued: "After graduating from the college entrance examination, Datou and I went our separate ways and had little contact with each other, but our friendship has not diminished at all. I often go to Datou's QQ space. As you all know, please give me some QQ space."
Everyone can see the likes and comments, so I looked at which comment had a good-looking avatar, and only looked at female user accounts. It happened to be a coincidence. Because of Datou’s QQ space, I became friends with Datou’s female classmates. Later I found out that Datou posted comments every day.
Said that all kinds of pretentious content are just to attract that female classmate.
At that time, I was also old, a college student, or an adult, so I went to the hotel with the female classmate of Datou to like the guy with big hair, and posted a group photo and said that Aite Datou asked him to let us
Love him forever, he's our best friend and my best brother."
"Please let me go!" someone in the audience shouted.
