"I have told her countless times that after we break up, the family will be very comfortable and I will feel very good. It's useless." It seems that the daughter has given up on advising her mother.
She told Ning Youguang, "I tried to go home for a few days before, and supervised her to manage the pile of garbage at home, and helped her sort out the things to throw away, but she pretended to do so when I was there.
Throw it away and stuff it into the corners of the house and the bicycle room after I left. I really collapsed."
The mother lowered her head and hunched her back. It seemed that what her daughter said was true.
Ning Youguang did not continue to expand on the items in the mother and daughter's home, but asked her mother, "How is your relationship with your husband?"
As soon as she asked this question, her mother, who had her head lowered, froze.
My daughter's expression also changed.
A poorly organized house must be caused by poorly handled family relationship issues.
A poorly organized house can reflect poorly handled family relationship issues intact.
Seeing the mother and daughter's expressions change instantly, Ning Youguang knew that she could continue to ask questions.
"Analysed from a psychological perspective, a disorganized living space with cluttered items is the accumulation of the family's anger. A lifeless living space with piles of items is the accumulation of the family's despair."
After Ning Youguang finished speaking, he looked at his mother who still had her head lowered, "Is your husband usually less interactive with you?"
Mom didn't speak, but her thin shoulders began to shrug.
Obviously, her mood changed greatly, and she listened to everything Ning Youguang said.
The expression on the daughter's face changed from anger to irritation.
She said, "My father and my mother basically don't talk to each other at home. They have lived apart for many years."
After her daughter finished speaking, her mother's mournful cries escaped from her mouth. She closed her eyes and leaned on the chair, with muddy tears flowing from her eyes.
Seeing her sad look, her daughter also bit her lips and her eyes showed pain.
Ning Youguang waited quietly for her mother to release her emotions.
After a long while, she finished crying, then she looked at her daughter with pain and despair on her face and said, "I can give up everything in the house, but can I give up on your dad?"
The crazy anger and despair in the mother's eyes shocked her daughter.
She stuttered, "Leave us alone...my dad? Do you want to divorce my dad? I've never heard you quarreling. Aren't you always cold?"
[It’s just that it’s always like this that’s a big problem.]
Ning Youguang couldn't help but sigh as he watched.
"That's because I'm in despair." My mother yelled at the top of her lungs.
The daughter was frightened.
Ning Youguang took out a tissue and put it gently into his mother's hand, "Can you tell me how you and your husband are getting along?"
My mother wiped the tears from her face, but it seemed like she couldn't wipe them all away.
While crying, she told Ning Youguang, "Ever since I gave birth to the child and became a full-time housewife, the child's father has not cared about everything at home. In the morning, the books and newspapers he read and after breakfast were left intact.
Put it on the dining table and leave. When you get home from work in the evening, you should put the food and rice in front of him. Even if he comes back late and eats alone, he will not want to put the rice bowl in the sink.
, I have to prepare everything, including clothes and shoes. Sometimes I curse when I can’t find things, and criticize me for not doing well when the food is not to my taste. Especially in the morning, I lose my temper at every turn and give orders this or that, as if it’s me.
Like a servant who serves him, I told her that I hope he can help and understand that sometimes a person's things are collected a little conveniently, but he never changes them. He also said that these are small things and asked me not to bother him. I have
Sometimes if I say a few words, he will yell back, and nothing will change except for a quarrel. I don’t want to talk to him anymore. He can do whatever he wants, as long as he doesn’t curse."
The mother said it would be fine as long as her husband didn't curse, but from what her daughter explained about the situation at home, as a wife, she was actually very dissatisfied with her husband.
Regardless of the nagging in the past or the tolerance now, the problems between the couple have not been resolved.
The wife just had no choice but to give up on finding a solution to the problem, which also turned the relationship between them into anger and resignation.
"Does your lover know that his actions will have a great impact on your relationship?"
"How could he think about this?" The wife said with a wry smile, "He only knows that he is under a lot of pressure at work, and he only knows to ask me not to bother him, but what about me? Aren't I tired every day at home? Aren't I not working hard?
Is there anyone who can understand me?"
"How long have you been in this mode?" Ning Youguang asked again.
"It's been going on since Bao was in elementary school." The mother said with a serious face. "At the beginning, I also felt that these things at home were very irritating. What bothered me the most was the attitude of the child's father. But will it be useful no matter how angry I am?"
After nagging her husband and escalating the marital conflict, she turned her dissatisfaction into anger, and the way to resolve her anger was to buy things.
Buy useless things and leave their packaging materials in disorganized piles around your home.
She had given up her heart over the years and felt that no matter what she said or did, it was of no use.
I didn't think changing the status quo would be useful, so I didn't bother to do anything.
As a result, the items in the home were left alone and kept piled there.
"Don't you feel that whatever you do is useless, so you don't want to move anymore?" Ning Youguang could see her mother's psychological motivation very clearly.
"Yes." The mother glanced at her daughter, who was already silent, and said expressionlessly.
Ning Youguang looked at the lifeless mother who had been tortured by life tenderly and said, "The objects we part with don't just refer to the things around us. This also shows what everyone does with life."
The attitude of subtraction is also similar to the action philosophy of cutting off desires and staying away from obsessions [cutting off, abandoning, and leaving the conduct] advocated by yogis."
She said, “This kind of subtractive thinking can be applied not only to dealing with old things and clutter, but also to the world of people. Therefore, when we honestly face the relationship between ourselves and objects, we understand what we need and what we need.
It is not necessary and after making a choice, in the second part, we must resolutely disconnect from those who make us unhappy, and at the same time focus on the most important things in life, but the most important thing is to make changes
"Separation is more like a kind of examination of oneself, eliminating those accumulated and outdated cognitions and information, making oneself better, more transparent, and allowing oneself to live freely." 1314