The end of logic is not the utopia of reason and order, but the love that I devote my life to. - Keigo Higashino's "The Devotion of Suspect X"
——
It was a sunny spring afternoon with a pleasant breeze, but the two people who seemed to be sitting opposite each other were full of turmoil in their hearts. On the surface, they remained calm so as not to let the other person see the ups and downs in their hearts.
From the moment she saw Xiaochuan, Ruochu's heart has been beating at a high speed and has never calmed down for a moment. Now the person opposite is going to tell her a story that she doesn't want to face but can't help but be curious about.
Her heart almost jumped into her throat.
But this is the last chance, she wants to know, after all, you have to know where you lost when you lose, even if you lose to your own mother.
"When I fell in love with your mother, I didn't know who she was?" Xiaochuan took a sip of coffee, put down the cup, and began his opening remarks.
If Ruochu frowned, this sentence would be difficult for anyone to understand.
"Do you believe we were Internet friends? The world is so small, but I never thought about developing her into reality. I don't believe in love on the Internet. At that time, I just regarded her as a junior sister who loves to read.
That's all, but I have expectations every time I go online." Xiaochuan smiled, seeming to be caught up in a beautiful memory.
"Later, your father returned to China and brought your mother to our home. That was not the first time I met your mother, but the last time I met her before that was when she was a teenager, so when I saw her again,
I was very surprised. She is not the kind of beauty that is unforgettable. What surprised me was her temperament. That kind of out-of-the-world and very connotative temperament was rare among girls at that time. I
I thought that my younger junior sister online friend would have her temperament, but I never thought that they would be the same person." Xiaochuan shook his head when he said this, seeming to be lamenting his dullness and sluggishness at the time.
"Wait a minute, you're saying that my mother is your younger junior sister's online friend. You two know each other both in real life and on the Internet, but you still don't know that they are the same person?" Ruochu said with wide eyes and disbelief.
"I also think so. This may be our fate, but it is a bad fate." Xiaochuan sighed as he said it.
"What was my mother's online name at the time?" Ruochu asked casually.
Xiaochuan paused for a moment and hesitated to speak. Ruochu looked at him in confusion, thinking that there was nothing difficult to answer. Xiaochuan lowered his eyes and said, "Her name was...Sabina..."
With a "pop" sound, the silver spoon in Ruochu's hand fell directly into the coffee cup. "So, who gave me my English name?" Ruochu watched the spilled coffee fall on the white
The spots stained on the tablecloth asked calmly and intently.
Xiaochuan stared at her for a few seconds, "It's me."
Ruochu had no expression for a long time, and finally smiled bitterly and said nothing. What else could she say? This is all obvious. It can be seen from this name that she is my mother's substitute. Otherwise, why would she have this name?
Suddenly I began to hate my English name.
Any subtle change in Ruochu's expression did not escape Xiaochuan's eyes at all. He understood what she was thinking, and he also knew that telling her this would only deepen the misunderstanding. However, he did have this meaning in naming the name in the first place, and he could not blame others for it.
.
"Yes, I did give you this name for your mother..." Xiaochuan continued talking to himself. Ruochu didn't look up, but Xiaochuan knew that she was listening.
"I admit that I went to the United States because I was disheartened after learning about the relationship between your mother and your father. I also admit that even after arriving in the United States, I still loved your mother. Later, when your mother came to the United States and found out that she had you, she just wanted to
You were born and raised by yourself, but on the day of delivery, the nanny was sent back to the country. When your mother started to have labor pains, no one was around. She was afraid that if she had a baby, you would have no one to take care of her. Just before she passed out.
You called me..." Xiaochuan's voice became smaller and smaller. He had said this to Qin Bei once before, and now when he told it to Ruochu, he still felt shocked. He found that Ruochu had put it on the table.
His hands trembled, and he deliberately did not look at her expression.
"Yes, it was because of your mother that I rushed to the hospital. It was also because of your mother that I agreed to be your godfather. I admit that I had not given up on her at that time. I had hoped to be your father, not just...
…It’s the godfather…” Xiaochuan said honestly, his eyes only staring at his cup, Ruochu said nothing.
"However, I still remember the first time I saw you. At that time, you were small and soft. I didn't dare to hug you for fear of breaking you, but you knew that you were right.
Make me laugh..." Xiaochuan smiled when he said this, as if he remembered Ruochu when he was a child.
"At that time, I made up my mind that no matter what, I would protect you for the rest of my life and prevent you from any harm. Even now, this idea has not changed."
Ruochu's hands clenched into fists.
"You may think this is because of your mother, maybe, I can't tell what it is for, so..." Xiaochuan leaned into the wicker chair, "So last time you asked me if I thought you were...
Your mother's substitute, I don't know how to answer, because at the time I wasn't sure whether it was really like this."
"If I have always treated you as a child before, but since your eighteenth birthday, especially after entering the 'mirror image', I have been secretly observing and testing you. From this time on, you are completely a child to me.
Strange, you keep surprising me, keep letting me see things I have never seen in you before, you are completely different, I don’t know how to say it, excellent, yes, please forgive my vocabulary.
"Poverty, your mother is a very outstanding woman, and you are not bad at all, you are completely different, yes, completely different..." After Xiaochuan said this, he finally looked directly at Ruochu, and Ruochu had to raise his head to look.
Looking into his eyes, this was the first time she heard such affirmation from him.
"How can you be a substitute? You are you..." Xiaochuan shook his head as he said this, "You are always alive. If your mother is an elusive dream for me,
, the feeling she gave me can never be touched, but you are really by my side, trying every means to comfort me and bring me happiness..."
Xiaochuan took a deep breath, his eye circles turning slightly red.
"Ruoruo, thank you for everything you have done for me..." Xiaochuan lowered his head again and said softly.
"Your mother will always be in my heart, because there will always be a corner left for her. Maybe she has brought me harm, but she is all my youth and dreams, do you understand?" Xiaochuan Fu
He raised his head again and met Ruochu's eyes.
"But you showed me what happiness looks like, the kind of real and tangible happiness. Even though it was short-lived, I still want to thank you. There will always be a corner of your heart in my heart. I don't know.
Is it bigger or smaller compared to your mother's one, but it definitely belongs to you only, I will always keep it for you..." Xiaochuan finished speaking in one breath, took out a pen from his pocket, and said before opening it
I gave the book to Ruochu. I thought about it for a while and wrote two lines of words. Then after it dried a little, I put it together and handed it to Ruochu. Ruochu looked pale now and did not take it.
Xiaochuan was a little embarrassed and put the book on the table.
"Then, do you want me to see you off?" Xiaochuan had said everything he needed to say and didn't know what to say, so he took the initiative to leave.
"Why are you telling me this?" Ruochu, who had been silent all this time, suddenly asked coldly.
"Ah?" Xiaochuan was startled by Ruochu's expression, "Well, actually I wanted to say it last time you asked me, but it just happened suddenly, and I also need to confirm my own feelings.
I don't want to lie to you or deal with you..." Xiaochuan explained dryly.
"So, are you confirmed now?" Ruochu continued to ask.
"That's right." Xiaochuan felt as if he was being interrogated.
"What is it?"
"Aren't you your mother's substitute?" Xiaochuan looked at Ruochu and said solemnly.
Ruochu's upper lip suddenly bit her lower lip, "You love me, don't you?" Ruochu's eyes began to show a look of despair. The affirmative answer she once expected so much was now afraid of him saying it, very afraid.
Very scared.
Xiaochuan also stared at her, struggling fiercely in his heart. He had been forced into this position. There was no middle ground, yes or no. The two had to make a choice. This was the most difficult answer he had ever encountered in his life.
The question, whether to lie or tell the truth, he had been struggling for more than a day or two. At this moment, he suddenly got tired. What responsibility, ethics, morality, go to hell, he just wanted to tell the truth.
, just tell the truth, otherwise he will be uneasy for the rest of his life.
He closed his eyes and uttered one word - "yes".
When he opened his eyes again, he saw that Ruochu had tears streaming down his face, "Why did you tell me? Why did you tell me now? It's too late, it's too late..." Ruochu shook his head desperately as he spoke,
The voice was choked.
"Ruoruo, what's wrong with you?" Xiaochuan also panicked when he saw Ruoruochu crying.
"I don't want to see you again. It's too late. I hate you. Just leave..."
"Ruoruo, tell me exactly..."
"Please go, I beg you, go, please, I just want to stay by myself for a while..." Ruochu begged weakly.
Xiaochuan had to get up and leave, but he didn't dare to go far.
After Xiaochuan disappeared from sight, Ruochu opened the book tremblingly, and the title page read "To my eternal treasure - your Humbert".
Ruochu felt dizzy and waved his hand, knocking the coffee cup on the table to the ground with a crash.