Recalling happiness is no longer happy, recalling pain is still painful. - Byron
——
Qin Nan felt his chest was tight because of Qin Bei's words, so he got up and walked to the window, pushed it open, took a few deep breaths of the air outside, and looked at the busy traffic outside the window in silence.
"Nan Nan, I'm sorry, my words were a bit harsh. I know you are also thinking about it during this time. Although you have been unwilling to communicate with me, I know you are angry with me and angry that I did not tell you this matter immediately.
, but please understand my difficulties, I just don’t know how to talk to you without hurting you." Qin Bei also stood up, walked behind Qin Nan, looked out the window with hers, and said.
"Why do you say I have double standards?" Qin Nan suddenly asked.
Qin Bei was startled for a moment, "Actually, that's not the case. What I said was a bit harsh."
"Do you think I'm too harsh on them? Do you think I'm a feudal parent or a defender of ethics?" Qin Nan was obviously very concerned about Qin Bei's evaluation of himself.
"Baby, don't be excited, I didn't mean it." Qin Bei put his arms around Qin Nan's waist behind her, "I mean, since it's so difficult for us to fall in love, we should understand them more. Don't we always want to
Are we going to be a pair of enlightened parents? This is how we have always been. There is no need to follow the old path of our parents’ generation in this matter, right?”
Qin Nan turned his head and looked at Qin Bei, "Do you think they are in love, is it love?" This is the fundamental difference in the question.
Qin Bei paused and nodded.
Qin Nan sneered, "Bei, you make me feel as unreasonable as them. Don't you know what their relationship is?"
"Baby, does this have anything to do with their relationship? First of all, one of them is a man and the other is a woman. Secondly..."
Qin Nan took a step forward and broke away from Qin Bei's arms, "Okay, then let me tell you that their relationship is better. He was the first man to see Ruochu. From that day on, he took on the responsibility
The role of a father, if, I mean if, if I had not returned to China and been with you, he would be the only father in her life, father, do you understand?"
Qin Bei took a breath. In fact, this is what he has always cared about. Xiaochuan became a father before him, and he will never be able to catch up in this life. "But after all, he is not, I am. There are not many of them since you returned to China.
Have they met? There has been a long period of time in between, enough for them to get acquainted with each other before they can get to know each other again and position their feelings, right?"
"Bei, what are you talking about? Do you support them?"
"Nan, I don't support it. If I had to choose again, I would wish to marry you earlier so that you don't have to live abroad and let someone else be the father of your child. Even if I have no choice, I shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place.
When I first joined Xiaochuan's magazine, I shouldn't have allowed them to live together, but what happened has happened forever. No one can erase it or live again. We can only accept it and face it calmly...
"
"Accept it, how to accept it? Tell me how to accept it?" Qin Nan shook his head in pain as he spoke.
"Do you want to lose your daughter? Or do you want to lose Xiaochuan's friendship? Believe me, I weighed it for a long time..."
"But to accept, you must give me a reason to accept. Otherwise, why should I accept? Is it just because we are afraid of losing them and we have to betray our own conscience?"
"Nan, they are in love, isn't this reason enough?"
"In love?" Qin Nan's tone was sharp in an instant, with a scornful smile, "Don't you think it's ridiculous? They are more than 30 years apart, how can they fall in love? Tell me, all life backgrounds, environments and experiences are all different.
How can we have a common language and fall in love if we are so different?"
"Nan, you can't say that, love can transcend all this..."
Qin Nan turned away, bit his lip hard, and then turned to look at Qin Bei, "Okay, if, I mean if, you were single, would you fall in love with your current student?"
Qin Bei thought for a while, "If I were single, I think it would be possible."
Qin Nan only felt dizzy for a while and unconsciously held her forehead with her hand. She remembered that evening, Qin Bei told her that she had a party, and ended up standing with Sun Miao under the tree so intimately that she didn't know what they were talking about.
That email, and the way Sun Miao looked at her... these were the reasons that made her feel insecure during this period, even though she kept telling herself that Qin Bei would not have anything happen to a student as old as her daughter.
, because of this age gap, it was unimaginable for her to fall in love, but Qin Beicai's words were like personally admitting that this possibility existed, and Qin Nan suddenly seemed to be thrown into the abyss of despair.
.
Qin Nan didn't know if her rejection of Xiaochuan and Ruochu was because of Qin Bei and Sun Miao, but what she couldn't bear the most was that Qin Bei had deceived her, and he lied to her for the first time in his life because of a student.
It was something she couldn't bear. Even though so much time had passed, the pain still made her breathless when she thought about it.
"No wonder, no wonder you understand them so well. It turns out that you men are all the same. You like the new and dislike the old, and you can also find high-sounding excuses to go beyond morality to satisfy selfish desires in the name of love..."
"Nan Nan, what are you talking about? How could you say that? This is not like you." Qin Bei looked at Qin Nan in surprise. It was hard to believe that those words came from Qin Nan's mouth. They were not only sharp, but also full of meaning.
He felt strong hatred. Although Qin Nan did not accuse him directly, Qin Bei could sensitively feel that there must be some kind of emotion behind it. Maybe it was the reason why Qin Nan had been so depressed recently. He was going to make this happen this time.
Dig out the reason.
"Even if all the men in the world are like you said, don't you still believe me?" Qin Bei tried his best to bring the topic to himself. He wanted Qin Nan to express his dissatisfaction with him.
"Forget it, I'm sorry, forget I didn't say it..." Although she was more excited and eloquent just now, after Qin Bei reminded her, Qin Nan's reserved and calm character returned to her, and she was patient and better.
Controlling and hiding her emotions is a basic skill she has practiced for many years, and it is also what she requires of herself.
Qin Bei refused to give up. He had already reached this point. If he didn't continue, wouldn't all the previous efforts be wasted? "Nan, you have to speak clearly. Do you think I did something wrong? You should tell me, not
hide?"
"Okay, you said it yourself, if you were not single, would you fall in love with your student? Doesn't that mean that the reason why you didn't fall in love with your student is just because you are not single, that is, if there is no bondage of marriage?
If so, you would have already moved on to someone else, am I right? In other words, it is just because of moral constraints, otherwise your spirit would have been derailed, right?"
"Nan, you are sophistry, it is either/or, it makes no sense." Qin Bei's anger also rose. Qin Nan was unjustly and unjustly accusing him. It turned out that in her eyes, he was just a beginner.
How could he endure this, a shameless person who gave up in chaos?
"Forget it, I don't want to mention this anymore. I apologize for being harsh." Qin Nan is really afraid of quarreling, and she doesn't know how to quarrel. Today is the first time she and Qin Bei have had a formal quarrel in her life. Besides, she is now
He was getting more and more uncomfortable, and he really didn't have the energy to argue with Qin Bei anymore, so he said feebly.
"If you have something to say, just say it. I think we must have a misunderstanding, or what did you hear?" Qin Bei began to use rational thinking and decided that Qin Nan was not the kind of person who would unjustly accuse him for no reason. She was hesitant to speak now.
It was so painful that his heart almost jumped out of his chest.
"Bei, I'm tired..."
"Is there something you didn't tell me? About my student? Who is it? Or someone said something to you? You have been hiding it from me and then believed what they said?" Qin Bei felt more and more serious that the matter was serious.
When Nan didn't say anything, he started to guess. Qin Nan looked at him intently, while Qin Bei also had piercing eyes and didn't dodge.
"I don't believe what anyone says, I just believe my eyes, Bei, do you have to tell me something? I don't want to..." Qin Nan was also forced to have nowhere to hide.
"You want to say it, but I want to hear it?" Qin Bei asked further.
Qin Nan is having a fierce struggle in her mind. When the matter has reached this point, it seems that she can't get over it if she doesn't talk about it. But if she does, it will definitely affect her relationship with Qin Bei. After enduring it for so long, all her efforts have been wasted. But
Looking at Qin Bei's calm but aggressive eyes, Qin Nan felt a sense of sadness for no reason. Whether they said it or not, hadn't their feelings changed long ago? As early as when he lied for Sun Miao, he was no longer that person.
Qin Bei, their marriage is no longer as perfect as it was at the beginning. Their love may have disappeared long ago without knowing when, just because of their own reluctance or vanity, they still stubbornly deceive themselves and others, thinking that nothing has changed.
"You lied to me because of a female student..." Although it was just a statement of fact, Qin Nan said it with great difficulty, her voice was almost trembling, and her eyes seemed to be filled with tears, but she was strong and did not give in.
Tears fell. After he finished speaking, he saw that Qin Bei's expression was dazed for a moment. Qin Bei instinctively wanted to deny it, but he knew that Qin Nan would not talk nonsense without evidence, so he tried hard to think about who Qin Nan was referring to. Qin Nan
He turned around and left the office quickly. Qin Bei wanted to chase him out, but he didn't move.
It's not that he felt guilty, it was because sometimes in order to prevent Qin Nan from worrying too much, he received many letters or confessions from female students without telling Qin Nan. He didn't know whether this was a lie or whether Qin Nan had other intentions.
He pointed out that explanations must be given, but in order to make Qin Nan believe that he has always loved her and has not changed, Qin Bei needed to plan carefully.