I really want to be my original free and easy self, love when I love you, and don’t love when I don’t love you. But my current situation cannot be explained by just a few words about whether I love it or not. From the current point of view, I owe Sun Yiqing his protection over the past four years.
, I also owe Gao Zijian my reluctance to leave him at this time.
They say couples don't have an overnight feud, and I believe it. If a woman wants to live a free and easy life with a child, that's definitely bullshit. But is this what I choose? Maybe not.
Sometimes I also wonder if some things would have been done differently if I had not met Gao Zijian. And my life might have been a different way of living.
Gao Zijian thought she understood me and asked me to rely on him and trust him, but what he wanted was to be together.
What about Sun Yiqing? How should I face it?
No man in the world who has a choice can regard other people's sons as his biological sons. I also have such concerns. Firstly, I feel that I can take care of Douzi on my own. Secondly, since he is not my biological son, to be honest, I
Don't trust either.
Some people like to express it with domineering actions, while some people only want to express it with the accumulation of years. Love can easily make people get carried away, and they will naturally choose the former. In fact, as a mother of a child, I have experienced these four
After years of experience, I would choose the latter.
If it weren't for Douzi's call for father's love, maybe I would have lived alone in this life. I chose to love myself before, then learned to love others, and finally, in the face of everything, I chose to love my children.
I also admit that the deep kiss yesterday made my heart beat faster. I also admit that when I saw Gao Zijian, I still imagined that I was an innocent little girl. I also admit that I still love him.
Life has reached this point, what's the use of loving him?
I kept walking forward against the wind, looking at the mountains and rivers here, spending the spring, summer, autumn and winter, thinking that human beings are only so insignificant, why do they have to worry about one thing?
I will not hesitate any longer. If this is done, it will be the most unfair to Sun Yiqing. I believe it will also be unfair to Gao Zijian.
I made up my mind, raised my feet, and rushed to the kindergarten.
The red hip-hop monkey is a bit eye-catching. What surprised me was that Douzi and Gao Zijian were actually wearing parent-child clothes.
"Mom!" Douzi saw me and ran over immediately.
"Douzi..." I stretched out my arm, suddenly feeling less depressed, "Where's Teacher Luo?"
Douzi put his arms around my neck and said with a smile: "Mom, let me tell you a little secret."
The mysterious voice immediately aroused my curiosity. I squatted in front of Douzi, arranged his clothes, and asked with a smile: "What's the secret?"
Douzi showed his millet teeth, put his index finger to his mouth, made a silent gesture, and said, "Mom promised me that she would keep it a secret for me."
I glanced at Gao Zijian doubtfully and then at Douzi. Apart from the strange parent-child attire, I didn't notice anything unusual. I nodded and said, "Okay, keep it secret."
Douzi’s little arms hugged me and said with a smile: “Mom, Uncle Zijian also has a hip-hop monkey in his bag, which is prepared for you.”
I was startled, and raised my head to look at Gao Zijian, only to see him looking at me meaningfully, with deep eyes.
Children also have vanity. Douzi’s vanity was to tell his classmates that he had a father. This was the most important protection a mother should give him, but I failed to do it.
Now, Douzi asked me to put on parent-child clothes. I thought about it and did it.
When they came out of the bathroom, Douzi and Gao Zijian also had one hand in their pocket and tilted their heads to look at me. The next second, they clapped their hands and applauded me.
"Mom is so beautiful."
"A great beauty."
The father and son sang together to make me happy.
A voice sounded in the distance. It turned out to be Douzi's friend Huahua. Douzi ran over quickly, while Gao Zijian walked towards me.
Putting one hand on the pocket of his pants, he said with a smile: "Chen Xiaojia, you should endorse the brand."
I coughed lightly and asked, "Are you free tonight? I have something to tell you."
"Chen Xiaojia, do you agree?" Gao Zijian took a step forward, took my hand instantly, and said, "I knew you..."
I quickly withdrew my hand and said, "Let's talk about it tonight."
Gao Zijian refused to let me go and stretched out an arm. There was a smile in his peach blossom eyes. Suddenly, a hand stretched out in front of me and directly covered my chest.
"..."
I raised my head in surprise, and saw Gao Zijian looking at me with a leisurely look on his face, and said: "The head of the hip-hop monkey is really cute..."
I lowered my head, and sure enough, the hip-hop monkey's head and my breasts were clearly the same on the outside and the other on the inside.
"Look, the monkey brain looks really good..."
"..."
It makes no sense. Why is the heartbeat so fast? Why is my cheek burning red so quickly? I turned around quickly to find Douzi, but I heard Gao Zijian's hearty laughter.
Thinking that this might be the last time Douzi and I have such close contact with Gao Zijian, I took a deep breath and told myself to cherish it.
The sky is clear blue, the clouds are unstained, the distant mountains are covered with dark blue, and the gentle breeze is bringing warmth. Today is really a good weather.
A breeze came, mixed with the faint fragrance of flowers, and laughter came one after another. Several parents had already started taking action with kites. Douzi took my hand and walked to Gao Zijian and started taking action.
The moment I took out the kite, I was stunned.
It is a simple tropical fish style, but there are words written on the tropical fish.
"Chen Xiaojia, beans, iloveu!"
Judging from the handwriting, it appears to be Gao Zijian's own handwriting.
"Mom, what does this mean?" Douzi also noticed the words on the kite and asked me curiously, pointing to the English.
"this……"
"Douzi," Gao Zijian took the kite string, stroked Douzi's little face, and said, "It means..."
"Douzi, look over there!" I shouted and quickly diverted Douzi's attention. Gao Zijian had tried his best to get close to Douzi in the past two days. In fact, I could see his intentions.
"Mom, it's flying so high..." Douzi is a child after all, so his attention immediately shifted.
I glanced at Douzi, shifted my gaze, and happened to see Gao Zijian. He looked at me with some reluctance, put one hand on the ground, leaned forward quickly, and left a shallow kiss on my lips.
He was actually in the presence of so many parents...
"Chen Xiaojia, one day, I will let you read it out in person..." Gao Zijian looked at me with a smile, with deep confidence on his face.
This voice, this tone, are the same as before.
Throughout the afternoon, Gao Zijian was in a running state. The kite flying venue was very large. We were like a real family of three, wearing eye-catching parent-child clothes, running back and forth. Douzi’s screams and laughter filled my heart.
Beside his ears, his small peach blossom eyes were staring at Gao Zijian and the kite in the sky.
Sometimes I wonder, what is true love? It is just like a kite. No matter how high or far it flies, if you have love in your hand, you will always be pulled along.
Unfortunately, I verified it too late.
At the end, Gao Zijian gave his mobile phone to Huahua’s parents and let us take our first group photo together as a family of three.
I was smiling at the camera. Only I knew how unrealistic and precious this moment was.
On the way back, Gao Zijian asked Douzi: "Douzi, do you still want to fly a kite in the future?"
Douzi looked at me, thought for a moment, looked at me and said, "Mom, when will Father Sun come back?"
I didn't expect Douzi to ask this question at this moment, nor did I raise my head to look at the expression of Gao Zijian who was driving, but I could clearly feel that the atmosphere was much duller.
Douzi and Sun Yiqing also have a deep relationship.
During dinner, Douzi and I sat on one side of the dining table, and Gao Zijian sat on the other side. Douzi ate with gusto and laughed from time to time, while Gao Zijian only took a few bites.
His frustration and my frustration are probably the same.
He can express it directly, but I can't.
Maybe the cold water that Douzi accidentally sprayed was very hurtful, but for Gao Zijian, the long-term pain is not as good as the short-term pain.
Suddenly, a gust of cold wind blew from the window. I turned around and saw that it seemed to be raining.
After dinner, I put Douzi to bed, thinking about what I would say when I saw Gao Zijian later, and felt a little irritable in my heart.
Chen Xiaojia, what are you reluctant to part with?
When I came out of the bedroom, I raised my head and saw Gao Zijian sitting there with a dejected look on his face. He felt my gaze, immediately stood up, and walked towards me coldly.
Worried about disturbing Douzi, I took two steps forward and headed to the bathroom.
Gao Zijian followed closely behind, and I seemed to be able to hear my own heartbeat.
As soon as the bathroom door was opened, Gao Zijian suddenly rushed over. I reached out to block him, but his hands and feet moved quickly and skillfully, as if he was fighting, and he directly pressed me against the wall.
"Gao Zijian..."
I struggled, but I was already very close to Gao Zijian's face.
Outside the window, there was the sound of rain falling, and next to my ears, there was the sound of Gao Zijian's rapid breathing.
"Chen Xiaojia, tell me, do you love me?" Gao Zijian's eyes were dark, like a cheetah ready to prey in the dark, and his voice was hoarse.
I didn't dare to answer, so I could only remain silent.
"Chen Xiaojia, listen, I love you." Gao Zijian looked at me and said every word.
I avoided his gaze, struggled slightly with my arm, but was restrained by him and couldn't move, but his other hand was placed behind my head.
"Chen Xiaojia, will you marry Sun Yiqing?" Seeing my silence, Gao Zijian asked again. Only this time, his voice lacked the determination and aloofness of the previous sentence.
I turned to look at Gao Zijian and said, "Yes."
"Because of the beans?" Gao Zijian looked at me stubbornly and asked again.
I took a gentle breath and said, "No, because I'm afraid that I won't be able to control myself again."