"The tired dream has been worn into the melancholy of the night
What's so sentimental? Who wouldn't surrender to fate?
The light that is getting farther and farther away, let it ripple with the waves
Forget the way back and forgive yourself
Let the mountain wind blow your hair into disorder and blow away your hesitation wantonly
Let the heavy rain embrace me and wash away my face
It's time to let it go and wipe away the tears
Just take me wandering, take me to far away places
Please take me to a far away place, to a foreign land
Strange directions, wandering aimlessly
Go crazy, go fly
Look at the herds of cattle and sheep and the starry sky on the plateau
Lie on the ground and look up like you did when you were young
Take me to far away places, to foreign lands
Put on your wings and wander aimlessly
Go crazy, go show off
Take another look at Tanggula and the moonlight of Everest
The flow of Qutian Lake and the vastness of the sea..."
Huang Li is really a born singer, but it is a pity that she did not embark on the path of becoming a singer.
Even in her current state, she can still interpret this song so perfectly, which is simply a miracle.
I have heard this song. The original singer Huang Xiaoyun sang it very well. A small girl has so much energy, the kind of power that feels like the whole world is being stepped on.
Huang Li also interpreted the different artistic conceptions of this song, making people feel that life is full of hope and the future is bright...
If I hadn't bought the car, I would have really wanted to applaud her.
"How was it? Is this song good?" After singing, she asked me with a smile.
"It sounds good, but I told you to sing a bland song. How can you sing such an explosive song? Can your voice handle it?"
"It's okay, it's really okay. Can't you feel the same as usual now?"
"I really hope you're not faking it."
"Of course I'm not pretending. I can't even pretend!"
I smiled and said no more.
After a while, she arrived at the destination set in her navigation.
This is a suburb close to the city, a bit like an urban-rural fringe, but there are no houses, only some factories and wasteland.
Not far away is the Yangtze River, and there is an abandoned bridge next to it.
In short, this place feels like a place abandoned by the times, and you can even see some abandoned houses that have not been demolished.
After the car stopped, Huang Li unbuckled her seat belt and got out of the car, then looked around.
I followed her out of the car, looked around, and asked her, "What are you doing here?"
She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You don't know yet, right? This is the place where I grew up."
I looked at her in great surprise. Although I have known her for so many years, this was the first time I heard her talk about the place where she grew up.
"Did you grow up here?"
"Well, when I was a child, I lived with my grandmother. My grandmother's house lived here, but now it has been demolished."
"I see."
"Let's take a walk."
I followed her and started walking on this land.
She looked at it while walking and introduced it to me like a tour guide.
She said: "When I was a child, there was a small river here with a lot of running water all year round. My friends and I used to move crabs in the river after school. We still remember it."
"And that... there used to be a Tutu Temple there. When I was a child, my grandmother and I used to go to the Tutu Temple to burn incense."
"There is also this bridge. Every time a train passes by, I will sit in the yard and watch the trains passing by, imagining where they are going..."
"When I was a child, I wanted to leave here because it was too small. I wanted to see the outside world... It wasn't until my grandma passed away that I was taken to a new home by my mother, but gradually I discovered that the outside world was not the same.
Not that good.”
As she spoke, she suddenly sighed and said in a deep voice: "My grandma also died of this disease."
"Do you all have this disease?"
"No, my grandma, my mother, and I have it, but neither my uncle nor my aunt have it."
"It can't be that coincidental, right?"
Huang Li smiled bitterly and said: "I have also thought about this question, why is it my turn, but later I figured out that some things may have been doomed a long time ago."
"Is it really impossible to cure it?"
"It can be cured, but it cannot be completely cured. My grandmother relied on medicine to live to her fifties, and my mother didn't live much."
"Then you could live to be over fifty before, right?"
Huang Li smiled and said: "I thought so too, but my mother and my grandmother got sick later. They both started to have symptoms when they were in their forties...Obviously, I was earlier than them."
"I think you really shouldn't give up like that. Go to Beijing to see if you really can't go abroad..."
Huang Li shook her head and said: "My father took my mother to hospitals all over the country, and even went to Thailand. Do you know that the medical conditions in Thailand are very good? Not even there."
"how about you?"
"Me too! Qiu An has also visited many hospitals these days. Last month she took me to Huaxi for treatment, and the results were the same."
I suddenly didn't know what to say. I felt very sad and sad.
Huang Li reached out and patted my shoulder, but comforted me and said: "Smile, it's okay, I have had enough in this life, I have done everything, and encountered everything... The most disappointing thing is that I didn't give Qiu An a life."
One child, everything else is fine."
I took a long breath and said, "Sister Li, I really can't accept it. I don't want you to leave this world."
Huang Li shrugged and said, "But in the end, each of us will leave, it's just sooner or later."
"But you are still young! You..."
"It's okay, it's really okay. I told you, I don't have any burden, really."
As she spoke, she found a stone and sat down, then pulled me to sit down with her.
We looked at the Yangtze River together, at the cargo ships passing slowly, the smoke slowly rising from the factory chimneys not far away, and the high-speed trains passing by from time to time...
Everything was so quiet, as if time had stopped at this moment.
"Chen Feng, we have experienced a lot in these years, are you satisfied with your current situation?" Huang Li suddenly asked me.
I replied in a daze: "I'm not satisfied either."
"how do I say this?"
"I don't know. I have a good life now, but it just doesn't feel like the life I want."
"What do you want in life?"
I lowered my head and smiled bitterly: "To be honest, I don't know. My dream before was to go to Antarctica. I wanted to be an explorer. I wanted to go to the most dangerous place in the world... But now I have concerns.
I don’t want to anymore.”
"This is change!"
She paused, turned to look at my side face and said, "Actually, I envy you. You have a good wife, a pair of lovely children, and a moderately successful career... You should be a winner in life now."
"
I laughed at myself and said, "Yes! I seem to be lacking everything now, but it all feels so unreal..."
Huang Li answered: "It's not that it's untrue, but you feel that it all disappears easily, right?"
I nodded, indeed, this is what I am afraid of now and what I am worried about.
Even though everything seems fine to me now, I always feel like it all disappears easily, like a dream.
Huang Li put her hand on my shoulder again and said like a buddy, "I understand you."
I smiled, as if it was true that only Huang Li really understood me.