At this time, I noticed that my father was frowning, with a very painful look on his face. I hurriedly said: "Dad, if you want to smoke, you can smoke it yourself. It's okay."
My father shook his head and then asked me: "Tell me, what is in this cigarette? Is it opium?"
I thought to myself: The stuff in this is much purer than the opium, but I couldn't possibly tell him that it was drugs. "Dad, yes. Because I just want to not make you suffer too much. People like you have liver problems."
The most unbearable thing about the lump is the pain, so I came up with this method."
He looked at me with a worried expression, "It's illegal for you to go looking for this thing. How could you do such a stupid thing? I wanted to ask you earlier, but I know you were deliberately hiding my illness.
, so I didn’t ask when the words came to my lips several times. Smile, I’m very worried about you, tell me, will it be okay if you go looking for such a thing?”
I hurriedly said: "Dad, I used to be a doctor. In the hospital, pethidine is used when we encounter patients like you. The effect of pethidine is similar to that of opium. It shouldn't be illegal to use such a thing as a treatment, right?"
"
The father nodded and said: "I'm thinking the same thing. That's good. Smile, you must not do such illegal things for my sake, otherwise I will not be at peace down there in the future."
I hurriedly said: "Dad, no. Dad, I want to discuss something with you. Do you think we should go to the hospital now or stay at home? I have already contacted you. Or, if you want to go out for a while,
If so, I will accompany you out. Anyway, just tell me what you have to say."
But he was shaking his head, "Listen to what I have to say. In fact, I have been waiting for today for a long time. I have been waiting, waiting for the time when I can finally stop being afraid of death. Only then will I come to you and
Your mother spoke out her true inner thoughts. To be honest, although I started to study Zhuangzi's books after learning about my illness, I slowly understood them and was no longer as scared as I was at the beginning.
.But every time I fall asleep, I still have nightmares, and I still wake up suddenly from my dreams. Until this morning, when I saw the way you looked at me, especially when I went to the mirror later and saw this picture of myself.
When I looked at my face, I felt calm all of a sudden, and I was really no longer afraid, because I knew that I was getting closer to death, and there was no need to wait for a long time..."
The more my father talks like this, the more uncomfortable I feel, because I know that it is not easy for a person to really see through life and death, and I used to be a doctor, and I fully understand the helplessness and fear that patients feel when facing illness, life and death.
.I choked and said: "Dad, let's not talk about this anymore, okay? I sound so uncomfortable..."
"Son, why don't you understand what I mean? Now I really understand." The father sighed and said, "Everyone is afraid of death, but no one can escape death. Taoism says that you must have a broad-minded mind.
Let’s look at life and death. Breaking the barrier of fame and fortune is just a small break. Breaking the barrier of life and death is a big break. When Qin Shihuang was so powerful in the world, he wiped out the six kingdoms and made unparalleled achievements, but in the words of illness and death,
He was powerless before.
In fact, life and death are natural changes between heaven and earth. Life is not enough joy, and death is not enough pain. In ancient times, when Zhuangzi's wife died, Zhuangzi not only did not cry, but instead sang. Because he just felt that life and death are natural in life.
His good friend Huizi didn't understand what happened, and blamed him: She has lived with you and had children for so many years. It's very wrong for you not to cry. Instead, you sing and sing. Isn't it against human nature? Zhuangzi
Explained: She just died, how could I not sigh. But after analysis, people are inherently lifeless. Not only do they have no life, but they also have no body, no body, and no air. She turned into air in a trance, and air became
There is a body, the body has become alive, and now it has become dead. This change is like the movement of the four seasons. It runs naturally. She has now rested peacefully between heaven and earth, but I am crying. I think so
I don’t understand destiny, so I won’t cry.
In fact, Zhuangzi treated his wife like this, and he treated his own death in the same way. It is said in "Zhuangzi. List of Imperial Bandits": Zhuangzi was about to die, and his disciples wanted to give him a rich burial. Zhuangzi said, I use the heaven and the earth as my coffin, and the sun and the moon will be my burial companions.
Lianbi, the stars are just pearls, agate, etc., and everything is my funeral object. Aren’t they all here? What else do you need? The disciple said, although I said this, I am worried that crows will eat it.
Sir, your body. Zhuangzi said, if it is exposed outside and eaten by crows, buried underground and eaten by ants, it will be given to ants instead of crows. Why is it so partial?
So, now I have completely figured it out, life should not be happy if it is born, and sad if it is dead. Zhuangzi once said: Those who live long are embarrassed, and they have been worried for a long time, so why bother! It means that those who blindly pursue longevity will become too old.
I have severe dementia, my mouth is full of saliva, my shit is all over the bed, and I still insist on taking a few more breaths. Why bother? In addition, we must understand the truth that there must be death if there is life. In fact, everything in the world has life and death.
, let alone small people. Turtles are generally considered to be relatively long-lived animals, and are said to be hundreds or even hundreds of years old, but they pale in comparison to plants. It is said that there is a plant like the dragon's blood tree, which is as old as
It can reach more than 8,000 years, making it the longest-lived tree on earth. This is comparable to the eight-thousand-year-old spring tree described by Zhuangzi. But what are these compared with the sun, moon and stars? Everything has it.
Our own destiny is the same for us as human beings.
Also, I believe in the saying that when you are born, you die, and when you die, you are born. This sentence comes from Zhuangzi's "Equality of Things", which means that when you are born, your past form dies, and when you die,
Your new form begins to be born again. In Taoist thought, everything in the world is constantly changing. From birth to death, people are just changing from one form to another.
In the Five Dynasties, there was a Taoist man named Tan Qiao who wrote a book called "The Book of Transformation", which described a lot of principles of material transformation. One of the sections on life and death said this: Xu transforms into gods, gods transform into qi, and qi transforms into blood.
, blood turns into form, form turns into infant, infant turns into child, child turns into little, little turns into strong, strong turns into old, old age dies. Death turns into emptiness, emptiness turns into spirit, spirit turns into qi, qi turns into
Things are constantly changing and changing, and they are endless from ring to ring. All things do not want to live, they have to live; all things do not want to die, they have to die. He believed that life and death are just a link in natural changes. This is also the understanding of our modern science.
, just imagine going back a hundred years, where is everyone? Then go forward a hundred years, and we are gone, where have we gone? Are these just a few decades the only one? Life is definitely a
It’s a wonderful thing. Who was I before I was born, and who am I after I was born? Although science has become so advanced, there is still no way to give us a complete and thorough answer. According to science, we are all made up of various
It is composed of particles called molecules and atoms. So billions of years ago, before the earth was formed, when the hot nebulae were shrinking and condensing, where were we at that time? Which molecules or atomic particles in the vast nebula belong to
Mine? But now, these originally inanimate particles have come together to form a living us, with flesh and blood, emotions and desires. Where were these particles originally? How did we become what we are now? How many molecules are there every day?
Or atoms join our bodies with food, water, and air, and how many molecules or atoms leave us with our lost hair, dandruff, sweat, and other excretions? All of this cannot but be said.
We feel very mysterious and confused. Is life really only once for us? We originally had no life, and there was no us a few decades ago. But now we are all living people. Who dares to say that there is only one such opportunity? The universe.
Time should be endless. There is no reason why our lives will not regenerate after infinite time, and history will not repeat itself. In fact, life is only a very short link in the endless changes in nature, so we should follow nature and enjoy
In every process, there is nothing to worry about, fear and persevere.
So, don’t feel sad at all because of my current situation. Now I feel very relaxed. As a human being, this life is actually very tiring and painful. Now I feel unbearable pain in my liver area every day. If
If it weren't for this cigarette, I might have been killed by the pain. Death is actually a kind of relief. After death, you will not suffer such sins again. Son, go and call your mother. I will also take advantage of this
It’s time to smoke a cigarette. It hurts too much.”
I looked at my father and found that his golden face was really peaceful. At this moment, my heart was complicated and I didn’t know what to say to him. When I was a doctor, I used to comfort my patients.
It's a common thing, and I can say words that I think can make patients feel relaxed. But now I find that it is so difficult to say such words when facing my closest relatives.
I entered the house from the terrace, and when I went downstairs, I saw my mother sitting alone at the dining table, crying. The child had already gotten up, and he was happily playing with his toys in the living room. I couldn't help but sigh in my heart: Still...
The child is fine and carefree.
I went to my mother and said, "Mom, Dad wants you to go."
My mother took a look at me, and I found that her eyes were a little dull. So I hurriedly said to her again, "Mom, Dad asked you to go there. He may have something to say to you."
The mother reacted this time, "Oh. Xiao'er, your dad, is he okay?"
I nodded, "Mom, it seems that we don't fully understand him. In fact, he has seen a lot."
The mother began to cry again, "You silly child, the people who are suffering are the living people. You don't understand this?"
I was stunned for a moment, and then sighed in my heart. Yes, my mother's words got to the essence of the problem. Because the deceased is gone, but the living have to shoulder the wishes and responsibilities of the deceased and continue to live in pain.
.
When I accompanied my mother to the terrace again, my father had finished smoking. I smelled a sweet fragrance floating in the air. After smelling it, I immediately felt a little excited. This thing is really powerful.
Even a little bit of thinness can make people feel excited. At this moment, I suddenly panicked: Why didn't I think that my mother and children would be harmed by this? If my father hadn't already noticed that there was something wrong with this kind of cigarette, the consequences would have been
How terrible it would be!
At this time, I truly felt the greatness of my father.
"You all sit down," my father said to my mother and me. His voice was calm and indifferent, with a sigh in it.
Mother sat down, but she immediately burst into tears, "Old Feng..."
My father sighed and said, "Why can't you just look away? Look at how I am now, living is simply a kind of pain. There is no cure for a disease like mine. One more day of living means one more day of pain, and it also makes you more miserable."
It would be better to be freed from the pain for a day than to be like this. When you become a human being, you will inevitably endure the torture of birth, old age, illness and death, and there is nothing wrong with that..."
I suddenly felt that there was something wrong with what he said, and I couldn't help feeling nervous and horrified, "Dad, please don't think it through. I am a doctor. I understand what you are saying, but being alive is always a good thing.
I will try my best to avoid causing you pain and try to make your stay as long as possible."
The mother also reacted and hurriedly cried and said: "You must not think nonsense. The child is a doctor. He knows many experts and will definitely find a way to treat you well."
The father smiled and wiped the mother's tears, "You, why can't you understand so much? Okay, let's not talk about this anymore. That's what I just said. What I said is that truth. People like this
This is how it will be all your life. Okay, stop crying and listen to me talk about other things."
I quickly wiped my tears and said to my mother, "Mom, please stop crying. We listen to Dad."
The mother slowly stopped crying.
With a smile on his face, the father said slowly: "It can be said that I have accomplished almost nothing in my life, and I have not left you anything. However, I see that my child's career is developing very well now, and my grandson has also been found.
, I no longer have any worries in my heart. Son, I want to give you a few things, and I hope you can do them all."
His words immediately made my mother and I grieve. We started to cry again, and my mother cried again. I hurriedly said: "Dad, tell me. I will definitely do everything you said."
."
Father nodded, "First of all, you have to take good care of your mother and take her to the hospital for a check-up once a year. Don't be like me and don't find out there is a problem until it's late." (To be continued)