When I returned to my new home, I suddenly felt that my current home was so strange, and this strange feeling made me feel even more lonely.
When the child saw me coming back, he immediately ran towards me with a smile. He stood in front of me, tilted his head, and looked at me with his big eyes, "Dad, it seems that today is not Sunday, right? Why are you back?"
He looked so cute, but I didn't feel like hugging him today, but I still smiled slightly and answered him, "Dad is here for a meeting today, so I went home by the way."
The child stretched out his little hand to hold me, "Dad, grandma bought me a new toy today. You go and have a look. It's very fun."
At this moment, I really wasn't in the mood to play with my child. I said to my child: "Daddy is too tired today, let's play tomorrow."
The child suddenly looked disappointed and said, "Tomorrow, when I come back from kindergarten tomorrow, you will be gone again."
At this time, the mother spoke, "Just stay with the child. It's rare to see you back once in a week. Many people say that father's love has a great impact on children."
I smiled bitterly and said, "Mom, I don't feel very well today and I want to go to bed early."
Only then did my mother look at me carefully, "Ah? There seems to be something wrong with your face. Then you should go to the hospital and have a look."
I shook my head and said, "It's okay. I'll go and have a good sleep and then I'll be fine."
My mother looked at me worriedly. I smiled at her and went to my room.
I really should spend time with my child, but I can't control the sadness in my heart.
In fact, I know that what my mother said is right. Father's love plays a very important role in the growth of children. Now my children lack maternal love, but as the father of my children, I cannot give my children enough father's love. Regarding this, I
Of course I felt very ashamed.
American psychologists have found through surveys that children who do not receive enough love from their fathers have very prominent emotional disorders, and behavioral defects such as anxiety, loneliness, willfulness, hyperactivity, dependence, low self-esteem, weak self-control, and strong aggression are more common.
, and even has a certain relationship with bad living habits in adulthood.
Psychologists have proposed the concept of "Lack of Father's Love Syndrome" based on this. Children suffering from "Lack of Father's Love Syndrome" have higher rates of mental illnesses such as neurosis, psychosis or personality disorders as adults, as well as crime-suicide rates.
If the baby is taller, it may affect the correct handling of sexual relations in adulthood, leading to an unhappy marriage.
Longing for father's love is the boy's deepest and most urgent psychological need. He longs for a strong and humorous, rough and gentle, confident and caring, wise and humble man to be by his side and to inject into him the real "manliness".
"Popularity". A boy needs to stay with his father to help him build a sense of security and confidence in the world around him, and learn to be a man from his father. A girl needs to understand men through her father and learn the skills to get along with men. Bad
The negative impact of family factors on children's psychology cannot be ignored, especially the father who plays an important role in the child's growth. Children who are often rejected and denied by their fathers are prone to anxiety.
Psychologists have even pointed out that boys have a "father's love hunger syndrome", that is, when boys reach adolescence, they are often alienated and even disgusted with their father. This alienation and disgust are mixed with the disappointment and misery of not getting father's love. He blindly goes to
Try various possible remedies, including smoking, drinking, even sexual indulgence or drug abuse. Longing for father's love, which is the boy's deepest psychological need. Being with his father, the boy develops a sense of security in the world around him and confidence in his personal future.
Heart. Psychologists believe that father's love is the starting point to help boys move towards health.
In addition, psychologists and educators also point out that when children grow up, parents should use different educational methods to shoulder different educational tasks due to differences in gender roles, social division of labor, and family division of labor.
Generally speaking, mothers focus on life and emotions, while fathers focus on spirit and psychology; mothers emphasize stability, and fathers emphasize innovation and development; fathers pass on to their sons masculine qualities such as strength, bravery, and endurance, while mothers pass on delicacy,
Careful, compassionate and other feminine sides. The two complement each other and work together to create a child's sound psychological quality. On the contrary, if one aspect is excessively strengthened or weakened, it will affect the child's psychological maturity and character perfection.
For example, children who grow up in an environment with insufficient fatherly love and excessive maternal affection are prone to develop timid, weak-willed, lack of innovative spirit, and over-reliance on others. Especially for girls, the "nanny style" of being overly caring
"Father's love can even lead to obstacles in children's emotional and psychosexual development.
Another example is that when a child asks a question for his or her parents to answer, the father rarely has the patience to explain everything in detail, and always lets the child see and think about it on his own, which still leaves the child with confusion and doubts; while the mother will tell the answer in full.
Conclusion. On the surface, the father's method is a bit "rough", but it is a good will exercise to encourage children to think more. It can be seen that strengthening father's love plays an important role in cultivating children's sound psychology and making boys truly become men.
How important is the role of mother's love? This role cannot be replaced by maternal love.
Fathers should not be simple and rude when educating their children. Many fathers are not patient enough when dealing with their children, especially when they see their children's shortcomings, such as poor academic performance, procrastination in homework, etc., they become anxious and can't help but
Children have to be beaten and scolded. Therefore, many children report that they are afraid of their father. Under such high-pressure control, not only do children not get rid of their shortcomings, but they also become less confident, have a withdrawn personality, or have a rebellious and irritable temper, which is difficult to control. Therefore,
,Fathers must learn to make friends with their children, so that they can educate their children.
The father is an indispensable role in the growth of a child. In some single-parent families, the mother takes care of the child alone. They think that remarriage will bring pressure to the child, so they no longer choose marriage for the sake of the child, or they are afraid of getting married.
In fact, this is a wrong idea. Psychologists have found that if a child lacks the influence of his father when growing up, boys are prone to becoming feminized, and girls are prone to attachment to older men, or fear or distrust of men. There are also cases of divorce.
Mothers will involuntarily instill resentment and hatred toward their husbands into their children, casting an indelible shadow in their young minds. When they grow up, it will affect their interpersonal relationships, concepts of mate selection, and marital life.
From many cases of psychological consultation, it was found that boys who lack father's love often do not know what kind of mission they should have as a man. Due to the lack of male role models, he struggles with gender identity and does not know how to treat the opposite sex. Due to the lack of adult men,
He lacks self-discipline, and his emotions and personality are also very unstable. Some are timid and indecisive, some have a violent temper and act impulsively, and some are depressed and self-defeating.
In addition, a girl who lacks fatherly love is prone to doubt her existence and value as a woman because she was not accepted and recognized by adult men when she was young. Due to the lack of male idols, she does not know what a man should be and how he should be. Treating women is an equal relationship. Some will spend their whole lives and pay a lot of money to please men.
For her, love is painful. She will involuntarily fall in love with men who are much older than her or who are indifferent to her or even abuse her and abandon her because she does not get normal male love, care and respect from her father. They will have serious insecurities in their hearts, and they will be more eager for the intimate relationship between the sexes, so that it is difficult to grasp the scale between men and women, and they will become emotionally cold or fanatical.
The most influential person on this issue is Dr. Ross Pike of Harvard University. He has conducted in-depth research in this field. Peck believes that the father's influence on his daughter's personality and sexual psychology sometimes even exceeds that of the mother.
Fathers tend to provide more opportunities for independence to their sons, but when it comes to their daughters, they tend to go to two extremes - alienating or encouraging their dependence. The result of alienation makes them more likely to develop a philanthropic complex and become casual in their relationships. They are "nymphomaniacs"; and indulging their daughters' dependence can easily turn them into opinionated "candy".
Dr. Rosspack also believes that the socialization process of girls is often the result of the influence of the father. If a girl lacks father's love, then her socialization level will be relatively low, her sexual concepts will be relatively confused, and she will have inappropriate sexual behavior. The possibility is greater.
Children who lack the care of their parents since childhood often suffer from anxiety and depression. When they reach adolescence, they will suddenly realize that they have been "abandoned" by their parents, look at their parents with a judgmental attitude, and project their anger towards their parents onto society and society. Others may suffer from behavioral disorders, communication difficulties, etc.
Maternal love is the most critical emotion that helps infants and young children complete their personality development, and it cannot be replaced by any love. Because children understand the world through their senses, if they receive care and caress from their mothers, their physiological needs will be met. You will feel safe and have a sense of trust in the people around you; otherwise you will be afraid of the world, distrustful of people, and sensitive and suspicious.
Researchers have found that mother's caressing can stimulate the baby's brain to produce a "gene that comforts the body when under stress." Therefore, babies who are often caressed by their mothers will secrete lower levels of stress hormones when they grow up; Higher, and research has found that when people are nervous, their thinking channels are narrow!
American psychologist Erikson mentioned in his famous "Eight Stages of Personality Development Theory" that children must understand the world through their senses from birth to eighteen months and trust the world through the image of their mother. .If he gets the mother's care and caress, his physiological needs will be met, he will feel safe, and he will have a sense of trust in the people around him. But if the mother's care is not enough, or even non-existent, the child will become suspicious of others. , fear of the world and full of distrust, which shows that maternal love has a vital impact on children.
Most of this type of students are girls. They lost their mothers in childhood, and their fathers' mentality and personality are also silent. The children cannot receive detailed care. Their emotions are prone to depression, depression, pessimism and depression.
Junior high school is a critical period for their bodies to change. For example, when they have their first menstruation, they often feel scared without the care of their mothers and dare not communicate with their classmates. They are even less able to concentrate on their studies, so their grades are poor.
Gradually, they are declining, but deep down they are eager to make progress, but they feel inadequate. This will invisibly enhance their inferiority complex and weaken their self-confidence. They do not want their classmates and teachers to ask about family matters, and they do not want the school to hold parent-teacher conferences, but
But in my heart, I yearn for family affection and warmth.
Maternal love plays an irreplaceable role in the healthy physical and mental growth of children. In fact, people with a little experience will have this experience: people who have received sufficient maternal love in childhood tend to have relatively sound personalities as adults; on the contrary, their personalities may be less
They may have shortcomings, such as stubbornness and willfulness, selfishness and introversion, pessimism, hostility to others, narrow-mindedness, prone to jealousy, bad temper, etc. These weird personality traits have even caused tension in their interpersonal relationships, and even some people even
He has made remarkable achievements in his career and is very prosperous in life, but he is always depressed.
A child's lack of maternal love also seriously affects the relationship between mother and child. A large number of psychological counseling cases show that people who lack maternal love in childhood have far less deep feelings for their mothers than children who have received complete maternal love; and this in turn creates problems for both mother and child.
It has brought about psychological trauma that is difficult to heal, and even regrets for life. (To be continued)